First Date (sorta)! Basic Questions

[Serg897]

I arranged to go to an Indian restaurant (we both share that taste) with a lovely girl Ive been after for a couple of months. Im in college, I got friendly with her last semester and kept in touch with her over the summer. Now its time to finally get the ball rolling. I got her number today and we planned it for Sunday (we have Monday off).

Its been a long time since Ive actually dated, unfortunately, so I seek a little guidance here:

1.) I'm friendly with her friends also, but Ive been talking to her specifically. I think she got the message Im expecting it to be a dinner with just us two. Still, I want to send her subtle hints to make sure I just want her and not her + her friends. How do I do this most effectively?

2.) Should I pay?

3.) What sort of activity would be good afterwards? Keep in mind, there isnt much to do up here (Im in upstate NY).

This is an experiment for me, since I haven't done this in a while, especially in the college setting. Any help is appreciated. Thanks!

 

[Kev07]

I arranged to go to an Indian restaurant (we both share that taste) with a lovely girl Ive been after for a couple of months. Im in college, I got friendly with her last semester and kept in touch with her over the summer. Now its time to finally get the ball rolling. I got her number today and we planned it for Sunday (we have Monday off).

Its been a long time since Ive actually dated, unfortunately, so I seek a little guidance here:

1.) I'm friendly with her friends also, but Ive been talking to her specifically. I think she got the message Im expecting it to be a dinner with just us two. Still, I want to send her subtle hints to make sure I just want her and not her + her friends. How do I do this most effectively?

2.) Should I pay?

3.) What sort of activity would be good afterwards? Keep in mind, there isnt much to do up here (Im in upstate NY).

This is an experiment for me, since I haven't done this in a while, especially in the college setting. Any help is appreciated. Thanks!

1. Straightforward is the only way to go
2. don't sweat it, if she offers, let her pay, if not pay for her and tell her she owes you a date
3. depends how your date goes.

 

[Dongfu]

A lot of people have a paranoia about paying for stuff for women. The only women you cant pay for are the real beautiful bittchy ones. If she's cool, buy her dinner. Hold the door for her, open the car door. Be a cool guy. And, if you really like her, dont use any silly pick-up tricks.

Anyone have a problem with that, take it up with my lawyer . . . Rod Cocck-run

 

[Serg897]

I don't really expect the date to go badly - I have pretty good chemistry with this girl and the conversation always flows nicely, and I do a good job teasing her. We have similar interests and personality.

I'll take your advise Dongfu. Somehow I think paying for her will make my intentions more obvious.

 

[Dongfu]

Let us know how it goes

 

[Kev07]

I don't really expect the date to go badly - I have pretty good chemistry with this girl and the conversation always flows nicely, and I do a good job teasing her. We have similar interests and personality.

I'll take your advise Dongfu. Somehow I think paying for her will make my intentions more obvious.

It does make your intentions more obvious, there have been times where I took a girl out and afterwards they don't even realize that it was a date just because I didn't pay for them :crackup:


The point is to not pay in hopes of getting something in return

 

[The Juan and only]

This ad is the only advice you will ever need:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NySN_plfiNI

 

[Serg897]

Well, I was right to fear that she might not get the message that its just her I want - she contacted me today (left a message on AIM) to cancel. Its alright, this is almost certainly a legit excuse - the reason we made it for Sunday was because she would be away most of the weekend. And she said she wanted to reschedule.

However, she mentioned that also "not everyone would be available". So, I think I'll call her soon to reschedule, but specify that this is just US

We'll see what happens.

Loved the youtube clip.

 

[Serg897]

Got rejected...this is pretty much how it went:

Me: Well, I was thinking just us two could go
Her: No, I think we should include everyone else

Just like that. I see little hope in this now. NEXT....

 

[The Juan and only]

You, are too nice. Take that as you wish.

 

[Serg897]

I dont understand. Explain.

 

[DJ1234]

Got rejected...this is pretty much how it went:

Me: Well, I was thinking just us two could go
Her: No, I think we should include everyone else

Just like that. I see little hope in this now. NEXT....

1.) I'm friendly with her friends also, but Ive been talking to her specifically. I think she got the message Im expecting it to be a dinner with just us two. Still, I want to send her subtle hints to make sure I just want her and not her + her friends. How do I do this most effectively?

bro you failed #1....Did you get LJBF'd? You need to make the message very clear to her from the begining that you want her and only her....I made the mistake of making friends of a girls friends that I was interested in hopes of her liking me more but that was a mistake. I was def. wrong and she'd rather talk to her friends than me and it takes all the attention off of you esp. if her friends are more interesting than you..its either you're her bf or her friend...got to make that very clear to your target in the future but I would NEXT her if she isn't that special...

 

[The Juan and only]

Have you read the (dj) bible?

It's just that I inferred from your writing style and choice of words that you were far too vested in this girl, even before anything had happened. Essentially acclaiming her as "the prize" when you should've saved such accolades for yourself.

I could be wrong here, but I'd say you lack many domineering qualities, and a certain self-confidence in your ability to get a woman any time you want (important) and perhaps in yourself in general.

I arranged to go to an Indian restaurant (we both share that taste) with a lovely girl

that's boring "I'll buy you flowers, now love me" territory, don't you think?

Tell me if i'm wrong

This is meant as constructive critism mmkay

 

[Serg897]

The Juan and Only, you are partly right. But partly wrong.

First off, I have read parts of the DJ people. I am familiar with most of the principles of this website. And Ive actually been here for quite a while (check the date I registered).

You are right that I DO lack some confidence in my ability to get women. I broke up with my last girlfriend well over a year ago (and during my time with her I turned into somewhat of an AFC) - since then Ive been rejected many times, and when I do find a woman that is interested, Im much too picky.

But Im working on it. For example, Ive been doing ballroom dance for over a year - Ive met many girls that way. Try outs are soon and Im going to meet whole new batch of them.

And, Ive realized that this is by no means a complete failure. For a few days she was under the impression that everyone was going to be included, and knowing her she probably immediately told her friends about it, including an Indian friend of hers that also loves the food (who she mentioned in our conversation). So, depending on how the event goes and what sort of vibe I get from her, I may try again with something different.

Your constructive criticism is noted. Thanks.