First Date Since Break-Up With Fiance

[Giovanni Casanova]

Okay, so you may have read my previous post about my first number close since Jen and I split. If not, and you're interested, you can find it here: First Number Close Since Break-Up With Fiance

Today I called up one of my friends to find out what's going on for our weekend poker game. He tells me that two of our regulars are possibly out, but we might have another guest coming in addition to me and the girl I have been talking about, Nicole, and one other guy. So we'll have a minimum of 5 people and a maximum of 8 at either his place or mine (although it will probably be my place because it's bigger). He tells me we'll probably get started a little earlier than usual, at around 8:00.

So I collect all my nerve and brace myself to call Nicole. I don't know why, guys, but it was TOUGH. It was really hard to dial those numbers. I felt like I was about to get up on stage and deliver a speech to a thousand people. I felt the exact same way I normally feel when I'm about to give a presentation to executives at work. But I did it, and once the phone started ringing and she picked up, there was no way to back down so I just went for it.

This constitutes the first (of several) "DJ Rule" I broke... I called Nicole less than 48 hours after receiving her phone number.

She answered and sounded happy to hear from me. Whew. Relief. My friend Ian (who witnessed the number close) had told me earlier today that she seemed interested. I started talking to her and immediately started off with a joke about my friends being unable to commit to anything (nobody knew where we were going to play, what time, or even what day). We had finally decided that we would play at 8 on Friday.

This constitutes the second "DJ Rule" I broke... I asked her to do something on a Friday night for the first "date".

She said that sounded fine. I explained to her that it was no-limit Texas Hold'Em with a $5.00 buy-in and she could bring $10.00 if she wanted to in case we played twice and other details like that, and told her about how many people approximately would be playing. I also told her we'd probably be playing at my place.

Then I went for it. I didn't want the whole night to be all group activity because it's harder to classify that as a date and I wanted to establish where I stood. So, although it was the hardest thing I've done in a long time, I asked her if she wanted "to do anything before-hand."

This constitutes the third "DJ Rule" I broke, although this one was stupid and mostly unintentional... I didn't ask her a specific thing, or even a general thing. I had intended to ask her if she wanted to grab a bite to eat, but that's just not what came out when I spoke.

She said, "Sure, if we're playing at 8:00 we could maybe go and grab a bite to eat before."

Perfect!

I asked what she liked, and she said, "Pretty much anything." I made two suggestions, one she couldn't do because it's Italian and she's doing the carb thing even though she isn't fat by any stretch, and the second she doesn't go to because they keep screwing up her order when she goes there. She suggested another place which was fine by me, and - boom - there we go.

A date this Friday night with one of the hottest chicks in my class.

Wish me luck.

 

[LouieVaton Don]

If you have a solid plan in place by friday luck will have nothing to do with it. Of all the "rules you broke I say the third was the most important and you know why. I've always found the first two "rules" trivial.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

If a woman likes you, then there are no rules! As long as a woman wants you more than you want her, you can do no wrong!

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

I agree. The first two rules are, in my opinion, stupid. Or at least they shouldn't be strictly adhered to.

The third one, as I said, I broke unintentionally. The funny thing of it was that I knew exactly what I was going to say, and then I didn't end up saying it. But she said it for me, which was all right. I quickly recovered by immediately suggesting places and making the final decision about where we would go.

 

[Pro]

All those "mistakes" and then even letting her deny your places to eat and have to pick a place she wanted, damn this is most likely headed straight for disaster.

Little anxious are you?

And last, are you making this up?

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Originally posted by Pro
All those "mistakes" and then even letting her deny your places to eat and have to pick a place she wanted, damn this is most likely headed straight for disaster.

My first reaction was that you're joking, but my spidey-sense tells me you're serious. In which case, WTF?

The "mistakes" were relatively trivial. I've never played by the "rules" for the most part anyway. As for selecting the place to eat... she had a good reason for not wanting to go to the first two I had mentioned. The place that she suggested was almost the exact same thing as the second place I recommended. It's also a place I like, so we're going there. Now if she had picked something I didn't like (Chinese, for example), I wouldn't have accepted that.

But when we find a place that makes both of us happy, I think that's a cool thing.

Little anxious are you?

No, not really. I mean, for me it's kind of a big thing because it's the first thing since me and my fiance split. But I'm not super invested in anything. What happens, happens.

And last, are you making this up?

No, I'm not. Why the f*ck would I make this up? So that I (an anonymous guy on the internet) can make you (another anonymous guy on the internet) think that I have a date on Friday night when I really don't?

Did I kick your puppy in a previous life or something?

 

[CLOONEY]

Originally posted by PuertoRican_Lover
If a woman likes you, then there are no rules! As long as a woman wants you more than you want her, you can do no wrong!

ohhhh ohhhhh ohhhhhhhhhhh, somebody has seen the light!!

Good work Gio, I will be following your stories.

 

[Kineti[C]harm]

Good work man and welcome back into the land of the living =)))

Btw forget stupid phonerules. Ill even call 1 hour after I get the nr or simular (Actually I mostly send an SMS and they call me) and well talk long, fluffing and joking etc some sexual innuendo and whatnot.

You did nothing bad, even though you were vague in your suggestions etc its just to be expect especially since you are just back on your feat and in a vulnerable position.

 

[KiInCollege]

Ah yes, good luck. But you shouldn't need it.

The three rules you mentioned breaking are guidelines. You're allowed to break them for the greater good of securing the date. AFCs need to strictly adhere to those rules because they have enough potential mistakes to worry about already.

An experienced DJ can adapt just fine. There's also plenty of things you've done RIGHT over what you've had to compromise for (I read your other thread yesterday).

Let us know how it goes. I have a fiance...can you direct me to the thread about your former fiance and what you realized after all that, or have you put it behind you?

 

[javelina]

breakups

Giovanni,

I just broke up w/ my fiance about two weeks ago.. Can you elaborate on what you did to get over her and how long it took? It definately ain't a good feeling, and I'm trying to get over it.

Any tips are appreciated. Breaking up with a girlfriend is one thing, but breaking up with a fiance..... it sucks.

 

[Big-J]

Welcome back to the game, Gio

 

[VictorK]

Originally posted by PuertoRican_Lover
If a woman likes you, then there are no rules! As long as a woman wants you more than you want her, you can do no wrong!

This is very very true, excellent point.

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

UPDATE...

When I got home from work this afternoon, I had a message from Nicole. She said that Saturday her brother was coming to put trim up in her house and that she had to go get it tomorrow and stain it so it would be ready for him. So tomorrow is out, Saturday is out, and Friday is Easter. She then told me to call her if I wanted to, so I figured why not and called her up.

I told her no big deal about this weekend, it wasn't a problem (it isn't). Then I asked her if she wanted to reschedule for another weekend. She's gone the next two weekends and she goes to school on the weeknights (I do too, but not as many nights as her). All of it sounded sincere and legit, but it still sucks.

I basically told her to let me know if her schedule clears up, but I'm not holding my breath. I do see her every Monday and Wednesday in class, though.

 

[Pro]

Oh yeah. How is she towards you in class?

I'm not saying you did anything wrong Gio, I mean do what works for you.

And no, you didn't kick my puppy. I would have beaten your azz in return and you WOULD have remembered it.

If anything G I am here to help you land this girl or get over her. Brethren

 

[Pro]

Btw You are right, I wasn't kidding.

And the reason I asked you if you were making it up is because it didn't sound like you.

Of course I mean you as anonymous internet guy that I have heard parts of his life portrayed with great thought on this board as often as he has.

Just thought I knew a little more you.

 

[Jay Fiedler]

Hate to say this but not alot of IL here on her part. She could find the time to at least have a drink with you if she really wanted to in the next few days. I suggest you move on and find women more eager to date you. No big loss.

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Originally posted by Jay Fiedler
Hate to say this but not alot of IL here on her part. She could find the time to at least have a drink with you if she really wanted to in the next few days. I suggest you move on and find women more eager to date you. No big loss.

I agree.

One of my friends (a girl) said, "Look, she gave you her phone number and she didn't have to do that -- she offered it. Then she agreed to do something with you in a group, then she agreed to do something with you one-on-one. She didn't have to do any of that. If she's telling the truth and her brother came into town this weekend, whatever... things like that come up sometimes. Don't write her off yet."

But the way I figure it, I'm not going to put an awful lot of effort into it. If she's telling the God's-honest truth and she's just really busy for the next few weeks, no amount of effort will change that. And if she's just blowing me off, why waste my time?

However, I'll point out that I am a closer -- I have an advantage once a girl gets to know me. I've said it before here and I'll say it again -- I'm average-looking. I know that's strange, since it seems like most of the guys on this board consider themselves Greek gods. But I'm just average. I consider myself a 5 or a 6. Hotornot considers me a 7.7, but they're full of sh*t anyway.

But once a girl starts talking to me, once she goes out with me a few times, she's hooked. And there have been times when I've asked out a girl with fairly low interest and by being persistent (but not in an AFC way) and showing my value, I've raised that interest considerably.

With this girl, everything will depend on the next few weeks. I see her twice a week in class, no matter what. Classes are about to end and that will give her free time on the weeknights, and if she acts semi-interested in class I may take a chance with her again. If she can't find the time then, I'll use the Patented Casanova Trick. And here it is:

When a girl seems interested, but turns you down for a date because of possibly legitimate reasons (things she has to do but has little or no control over -- like classes, vacation, work commitments, etc.) and she does this two or three times in a row -- you say this: "Hey, look. I'd like to take you out sometime. If you'd like that, great, I'm sure we can arrange something. If not, let me know... I don't want to waste your time or mine." The emphasis on the last part is because it's the most important part of the whole thing. This shows that you're moderately interested in her, but you're not willing to put up with any games or B.S. If she's not at all interested in you, this is where she'll tell you not to ask her out anymore.

In some cases, this is seen as a show of strength that you perhaps haven't exhibited up until that point. There have been a couple of instances where saying the above has made a girl's interest in me skyrocket -- from barely anything to very interested just because of a couple of sentences.

Either way, when you walk away from it, you know where you stand.

 

[Dust 2 Dust]

She gave some really strong buying signals in the beginning so i'd probably call her in a week or so and give her one more chance and the benifit of the doubt.

 

[Porky]

Originally posted by Giovanni Casanova
However, I'll point out that I am a closer -- I have an advantage once a girl gets to know me. I've said it before here and I'll say it again -- I'm average-looking. I know that's strange, since it seems like most of the guys on this board consider themselves Greek gods. But I'm just average. I consider myself a 5 or a 6. Hotornot considers me a 7.7, but they're full of sh*t anyway.

7.9.

DEFINITELY full of sh`t.

 

[Oxide]

Gio, you know your sh!t, so why are you worrying about these "broken rules". remember, a lot of girls have no idea about any of these rules, so it wont matter if you break one or two.

Good luck anyway mate.


P.S. Anyone here has an experience in having sex with a girl (or asking her out) and then stopping it cold..but still seeing her in class? I wonder what reactions you guys had. I've had the exprience..and well, it is quite a bit wierd.