First Date, Debriefing welcome ^^

[Pathetik]

Hey guys!

Well, I dated this girl for the first time in a small, friendly bar.
I did a lot of C&F, I did kino (touching her arms, her back, her hair, her hands etc...) the convo did well. Everything was fine I guess.
Furthermore, she made a lot of IOI and SOI.

The point is that when we left the bar, the bartender (I know him a bit) gave her the bill. She was kinda surprised thus I tried to make some joke about that and she paid. My drink was cheap by the way, somethin like 3 or 4$.
She seemed to be disapointed by that and I told her the next time the bill will be for me.
I'm feeling I mess things up. As I saw she was going to pay I think I should have paid for her.

After that we went our way home, I didn't try to kiss her but I hold her hand few second as we were separating.
Since that I'm feeling she's cold and distant.
We were talking about going to a gig tomorrow but since the date I have no news from her.

Maybe I'm just over thinking about it ... Anyway I'm wondering what I did wrong.

If you guys could give me advice or criticize me, it would be cool

 

[The_Game]

Seems things went well but you need to let her off the leash

Only contact her next to see how she is, but dont ask about the date yet, (neediness remember!) so just make some small talk, funny lines on the phone for a couple of minutes then say you gotta go.

Constantly calling her and only to set up dates is bad, I've been there.


Just try and have fun with it as well, remember it's only a date you don't actually own her yet as a girlfriend anyway so there's no need to think about it

Just relax and enjoy spending time with others to take your mind of it and eventually she will be ringing you up for that second date

 

[AKA FLEX]

If it was an actual date, you should have paid.

I don't believe in buying chicks drinks when you first meet them at the bar, but if this was a prearranged outing, yes, you probably did make yourself look like a cheap a-- by sticking her with the bill.

As far as how to handle it from here, the above poster's advice is spot-on.

 

[Pathetik]

Thanks both of you guys
I know I did wrong letting her pay the bill...
I was stuck in my "player" mind.
Furthermore, as I've often been used by chicks, it was a test in my mind. This is stupid cause I've already known she wasn't like that.
Anyway it's done...
I have to move on like The Player said.
I'm a bit sad cause she was really special and I'd like to know her better.

Fvuck this is so hard to calibrate myself.
As I think about the date I think I was too much playfull... I did almost any "comfort"...

I still have so much to learn. I'm a bit fed up with that... It's like I never do something right.

Anyway... I have to keep fighting with my inner issues :nervous:

++

 

[jakeyboy]

Hey mate,
this is the way you should have handled it.

Bartender hands her the bill whereupon she reluctantly pays.

You: Hey relax babe, the drink's on you, but I can think up few ways to repay you. (said with a cheeky expression)

The trick is to be light-hearted and hint to her that paying for that little bill isn't that big of a deal.

Plus now, you get an excuse to kiss her. And if she wants more, back off and say "Hands off the merchandise babe, this sh*t aint for free."

Play on.

 

[Pathetik]

Jakeyboy => Yeah I tried to do that beeing playfull and joking about that. I didn't excuse myself for letting her pay the bill.
By the way she's really distant since the date and I don't understand why.
Should I ask her why? I think it's a bit needy, desperate and insecure.

Actually I'm totally lost
After the date she asked me how was the date.
I asked her back to guess.
She told me : "I think you were fed up with me."
I didn't answer back to this.
The day after I texted her that i enjoyed the date and that I'm looking forward datin her again.
No answer.

I definitely need to spin more plates. I don't like that idea and I'm "afraid" she's waiting for a move from me and that if I don't she'll next me.

I'm feeling ridiculous to post that here but I'd like to know what, you DJs, would have done.
I'm a recovering AFC. Still a bit insecure I guess ^^

Thanks all for your comments.

 

[silkcru007]

not bad... keep going at it bro

 

[brian123]

Only contact her next to see how she is, but dont ask about the date yet, (neediness remember!) so just make some small talk, funny lines on the phone for a couple of minutes then say you gotta go.

Constantly calling her and only to set up dates is bad, I've been there.

Good piece of advice, so sometimes just give the girl a shout to see how she is doing, have a brief set of conversation and just leave it like that?


As for your date debriefing, usually girls will thank you in the next 1-3 days for getting together if they had fun. I've been there/am there. If they like you, they will contact you. Don't sweat the small stuff. If who paid for drinks turns her off you, she really wasn't too in to you in the 1st place.

Think about it, if you went out with a girl you really liked and a similar bill thing had happened, would you be worrying about it? No. You'd be too into the girl to let it really bother you.