First date and drinks?

[Glassguy]

I suggested for her to cancel

Never do this. It looks really needy and thirsty.

I messaged a new chick on FB about a week ago. I wasnt feeling a good vibe from it so I just stopped messaging her (total of maybe 3 messages back and forth each). That was last Tuesday.

Fast forward to Saturday night. She picks the conversation back up and asks me what I was up to and getting into. I told her that I was in Indianapolis all weekend. She says cool, we will have to get into something soon.

I tell her no problem and asked her what she was doing Monday evening, as it is literally my only free evening for the next week and a half. She says that she has to work a long day today but will let me know when she can get free to grab a drink.

My only response was "OK". That was it.

So long story short, you took the shot and went on one date. You asked her back out and things didnt go terribly well. Thats ok.

I dont think these chicks do this consciously, but they somehow subconsciously set men up just to see if the man acts thirsty, needy, desperate or angry. Or does he stay positive, chill and relaxed. Its a shyte test and they dont even realize they do it.

This happens for a reason. A man with options will stay chill and positive as this is not that big of a deal for him. He has other options. He is fine regardless of the outcome.

A man who gets irritated, angry, starts war texting her, etc shows that he knows that he has no other options, gets emotional and therefore, she doesnt want him.

Its a subliminal shyte test if you will. They want to see how you handle a little adversity.

So dont do anything needy, thirsty or weird like asking her to cancel her plans again. Just remain chill. Go to tennis. Say hi to her and treat her like you would a coworker. Be unphased. Thats what women want to see.

When they see that you arent going to chase, they WILL reach back out if they are interested. Dont sabotage yourself in the meantime.

 

[StrayCat]

I never chase, so that will not be an issue. I will be going tonight and Thursday, apparently, she's going to be at both too. It should be an interesting few games. I expect she'll avoid me, but I will smile and say hello, act like normal. We'll see, but I will not be chasing or asking her out again. I only even agreed to go with her for drinks as she asked me. I recorded our convo, and besides from talking a bit fast, I do not think anything was really out of place. You can't force attraction, it's either there or it isn't. I guess, I was mistaken. I'll be fine, I asked one of the girls if they'd like to come, and she's going with me. If she brings it up tomorrow, I will also state no biggie, and say something in regard to I had an extra ticket and I wanted to invite another person to go with us.

As for telling her to cancel, I did it tongue and cheek with an lol and smiley face trying to make it humorous. She then replied, weirdly, I can't !!!! lol. Strange reply and I just responded perhaps another time; no response. Oh well.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

So, is this a date? I really do not know how to proceed. What do I even talk about? Any pointers?

Its 2019. Dating is for cucks and phaggotry.

Assume casual hang. Seed the pull. Assume attraction. If she's in your social circle, imply everything she says or does is sexual and a aggressive pass at you.

Frame should be, "too bad you're not my type."

"i only date XYZ (opposite of her, taller, shorter, black, white, brown, yellow, etc). Belligerence and aggressive hitting on the new girl is lame.

Blasé, aloof, nonchalant, indifference etc should be your frame.

 

[StrayCat]

Its 2019. Dating is for cucks and phaggotry.

Assume casual hang. Seed the pull. Assume attraction. If she's in your social circle, imply everything she says or does is sexual and a aggressive pass at you.

Frame should be, "too bad you're not my type."

"i only date XYZ (opposite of her, taller, shorter, black, white, brown, yellow, etc). Belligerence and aggressive hitting on the new girl is lame.

Blasé, aloof, nonchalant, indifference etc should be your frame.

There was two girls I briefly dated that were DTF the first time, but they just were not my type. The really attractive girls around here, at least for me, are not DTF straight off. I had that twice on OLD, which they were at least 20 LBS heaver than their pics. If you can do that, more power to you. I, unfortunately, cannot.

Still trying to see how I f*cked this one up. She was the most attractive of the three. I still have the other two I guess.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

There was two girls I briefly dated that were DTF the first time, but they just were not my type. The really attractive girls around here, at least for me, are not DTF straight off. I had that twice on OLD, which they were at least 20 LBS heaver than their pics. If you can do that, more power to you. I, unfortunately, cannot.

Still trying to see how I f*cked this one up. She was the most attractive of the three. I still have the other two I guess.

3x drinks or casual outings. Smash or next.

You cannot force arousal and attraction. Its there or not. Proceed accordingly.

 

[StrayCat]

Strange tennis with her yesterday. She was very talkative, and I was smiling and laughing as well. She said she had an enjoyable time, but I did let it slip out, I wasn't sure since I didn't know. She said she said so, I do not recall. She said she meant to say so in the text, but was focusing on the indoor skydiving. I said, no biggie. She asked if I am still skydiving, and I said yep. We then somehow got to a conversation where the number 69 came up and she said her students have a naughty mind with 69. I said, oh yea, I guess you're the opposite on that with a smirk. She said you don't know. I am not prudish at all. I should had said was that an invitation? But I stupidly said, I do not know you long enough yet. I was being called for my game so I wasn't playing attention. Apparently some of the people in the tennis group are playing mini-golf on Friday and she asked if I was going too. I said, I didn't know.

So, there you have it. I'm trying to get to mode one with her, but there's too many people around to just say hey, I am interested in you sexually and see what she says. I would had thought the talk about sex and intimacy would had moved it into her direction, but not too sure.

I was getting my keys out of my bag and she saw I still had tokens for more flights at the brewery. She then said, ohh, I want to go back. Let's go back. She also said she only ended it early because she had to stop drinking in order to drive home. I would had driven you home, she then said with a smile, why didn't you tell me prior? I just said you told me you were taking an Uber to the place. When you showed up, you drove your car. When would you had liked me to bring it up? She just said next time you'll just drive me home.

I do not know if she's just a tease, interested or playing games. Oh, it was a bit hot at tennis today, so amazingly she just goes down to her leggings and skin-tight wifebeater. All the guys were fanning over her, I stayed where I was sitting. Yet, after her set, she would sit right next to me. I assume she'll ask in the next week or two to go back. I for sure will not be bringing it up. Surprised she asked if I was still going skydiving. Of course I would. Why wouldn't I. I just invited someone else in her place.

Soo confusing.

 

[lamath]

Hey

Lower interest than before maybe.

Imo when she act in a confusing way, withdraw your presence and attention, just be careful to not over do it.

Act like when they are displeasing ,rude or not following you like them less.

 

[StrayCat]

Hey

Lower interest than before maybe.

Imo when she act in a confusing way, withdraw your presence and attention, just be careful to not over do it.

Act like when they are displeasing ,rude or not following you like them less.

She came to me, I didn't come to her. Heck, I went to the bathroom and when I came back, she was sitting at another bench. She did her set of volleys, and then sat back on my side. I am not approaching her again as she was unable to go this Saturday. Didn't ask about it, she asked if I was still going; which was surprising to me. I was going to back away initially today. I didn't expect her to be so talkative to me. I don't chase. I could go to this mini golf thing on Friday, but mini-golf is so boring; plus all these other people from tennis will be there.

Interestingly enough, she was going through nick names of the group, and she as me if I had some. I said sure. She then asked what's hers? I said b!tchy. She then starting laughing and said I knew you'd say that! I just think she's a tease.

 

[lamath]

She came to me, I didn't come to her. Heck, I went to the bathroom and when I came back, she was sitting at another bench. She did her set of volleys, and then sat back on my side. I am not approaching her again as she was unable to go this Saturday. Didn't ask about it, she asked if I was still going; which was surprising to me. I was going to back away initially today. I didn't expect her to be so talkative to me. I don't chase. I could go to this mini golf thing on Friday, but mini-golf is so boring; plus all these other people from tennis will be there.

Interestingly enough, she was going through nick names of the group, and she as me if I had some. I said sure. She then asked what's hers? I said b!tchy. She then starting laughing and said I knew you'd say that! I just think she's a tease.

Possible she is a AW, just keep going like you always do. Dont give her too much attention.

If you usualy dont fo to mini-golf dont go.


Im on a similar situation that yours
newly single at 38 after a 12y ltr.
No expert i still struggle but i know ots just a matter of time before i get it.

 

[StrayCat]

Possible she is a AW, just keep going like you always do. Dont give her too much attention.

If you usualy dont fo to mini-golf dont go.


Im on a similar situation that yours
newly single at 38 after a 12y ltr.
No expert i still struggle but i know ots just a matter of time before i get it.

Certainly possible, but I thought it was interesting that she said she wanted to get drinks again, if I was going to mini-gold and that she asked me if I was still going skydiving. I will continue what I am doing and not chase, but in my past experience, a woman with little interest doesn't do these things. I did joke, if we go again, your buying the drinks after we're done with the tokens. I still feel I missed my opportunity during the 69 chat. I was still a bit taken back at her response; and that I missed the opportunity to say, is that an open invitation? She caught me completely off guard with that. I did some kino like touching her arm multiple times with the back of my hand when she was talking, she didn't pull away. I know she felt it as each time it seemed she took a sigh, so I am not sure. I feel a wall sometimes up and other times down. I do not know how far to push, but if she asks to do something again, I'll just say, sure, Saturday works for me. What time shall I pick you up? 7:30? If she says she can't. No worries I'd say, another time then. I assume she'll then ask why not another day? And that is where I will be stuck on how to respond. Hoping you and some other So Suave members can give me your two cents. Don't beat me up too much. I know I sound a bit juvenile in this thread. Much easier with women my own age.

Yea, I hear you on getting back into the dating realm. Certainly a lot has changed from the last time. I am more direct and bold now, so I guess I have that going for me.

 

[Mazer]

Sounds like an AW and looks like you are about to be friendzoned. Her “69” chat was just one of her AW tricks she uses to get you chasing her. Hold steady my friend.

 

[lamath]

Certainly possible, but I thought it was interesting that she said she wanted to get drinks again, if I was going to mini-gold and that she asked me if I was still going skydiving. I will continue what I am doing and not chase, but in my past experience, a woman with little interest doesn't do these things. I did joke, if we go again, your buying the drinks after we're done with the tokens. I still feel I missed my opportunity during the 69 chat. I was still a bit taken back at her response; and that I missed the opportunity to say, is that an open invitation? She caught me completely off guard with that. I did some kino like touching her arm multiple times with the back of my hand when she was talking, she didn't pull away. I know she felt it as each time it seemed she took a sigh, so I am not sure. I feel a wall sometimes up and other times down. I do not know how far to push, but if she asks to do something again, I'll just say, sure, Saturday works for me. What time shall I pick you up? 7:30? If she says she can't. No worries I'd say, another time then. I assume she'll then ask why not another day? And that is where I will be stuck on how to respond. Hoping you and some other So Suave members can give me your two cents. Don't beat me up too much. I know I sound a bit juvenile in this thread. Much easier with women my own age.

Yea, I hear you on getting back into the dating realm. Certainly a lot has changed from the last time. I am more direct and bold now, so I guess I have that going for me.

Read mode one also, i like it but imo easy to over do it.

I think you are handling it mostly right, just dont fet into overanalyzis

If she ask why not an other day, you tell her ypu are a busy man that value his time.

 

[StrayCat]

Sounds like an AW and looks like you are about to be friendzoned. Her “69” chat was just one of her AW tricks she uses to get you chasing her. Hold steady my friend.

Why do you say that? How should I reverse? The group is taking a break in April and rejoining in May; so that will give things time to settle off. I do not chase, so it's not going to be an issue.

 

[RickTheToad]

I do not think you are frienzoned or even close, but she may be playing games with you. She's young and I am sure you're not the only one with eyes on her. Trust when she knows or thinks you are interested in her. Here's where I see pros:

1) She wants to go on drinks with you again and she wants you to take her home. Agree to that if offered, but don't pick her up. Tell her you'll meet her there. She should have some financial skin in the game. Plus, which is more important, you are not putting her on a pedestal and making her do something to get to you.
2) You were chill when you saw her. I am sure some of her was expecting you to avoid or say two words to her. You said you appeared smiling and laughing and engaged her convo.
3) She asked you about the activity and if you were still going. That means she was interested in seeing what you would do since she declined. (It's a sh!t test. @Glassguy can explain more probably). If you said you weren't still going, then you would had failed.
4) She allowed you to touch her and didn't back away. If she was disgusted by you and didn't back away, that's a positive sign.
5) She asked you to the golf thing on Friday. So she's interested in being around you.
6) You stated she continuously chatted with you and sat next to you. Most would do this; even if they were attention wh0res.
7) She was a bit sexual with you. Not many ladies would do this with a guy they friendzoned and only met a few times. You two are still strangers.
8) She said she would had stayed later if she didn't drive and had no issues with you offering to take her home.
9) You called her a questionable name where many ladies would had been taken back. She probably saw that as bold and you apparently matched what she thought in her head. You got some points from that.

Here I see the cons:
1) If you don't sh!t or get off the pot, you will lose any opportunity. Do not ask her anything. She will have to ask you or say when are we going to get some drinks. You can then agree. I'd stick to a Saturday as well. If she says why not Tuesday, say that you're pretty slammed at work right now. Ball is in her court.
2) Skip golf. Create some distance. In fact, skip some tennis games for a couple of weeks so you can make her miss your presence. It would also give her an opportunity to reach out and meetup. If she doesn't, then you know it's not going to happen. At that case, you just be cordial and remove your attention to her in the group. Hi and bye, and sit somewhere else. That will actually raise her attraction to you because now she's getting no attention to you. Of course, the basis of attraction needs to be there first.
3) You over think things. Relax and focus on something else. Date other ladies.

 

[Glassguy]

StrayCat- Dude....STOP overthinking things. You are demoralizing yourself. SHE asked YOU out. She is attracted. From here you can raise her attraction or you can self sabotage it.

Let me show you a few things that I would have done in your situation:

but there's too many people around to just say hey, I am interested in you sexually and see what she says

I dont think that you can pull off being that direct. You arent confident enough at this point. You need to have more of a chill aura. You went out for drinks. She can tell you're sexually interested. You dont have to reinforce that to her. And you shouldnt. I think the way you over think things it would be disastrous for you to try this.

She then said, ohh, I want to go back. Let's go back. She also said she only ended it early because she had to stop drinking in order to drive home. I would had driven you home, she then said with a smile, why didn't you tell me prior? I just said you told me you were taking an Uber to the place. When you showed up, you drove your car. When would you had liked me to bring it up? She just said next time you'll just drive me home.

This is where you really missed her signal. She said that she wanted to hang again AND that you should take her home after the 2 of you drinking. And you did nothing. I dont get it.

My response would have been "You let me know this evening after tennis what evenings you are free and we and match something up on our schedules and go have another fun evening together". Thats it. She would have gotten back to you after tennis.

Since you fvcked that up, the last thing you need to do is sit around waiting for her to make another move. Get off your @ss and be a man and lead this to where you want to go.

I would send her a message TODAY that simply said:

Me: Hey you. I have a problem that I need your help with........
Her: Oh yeah? What is that?
Me: I have these d@mn drink tokens and I need a partner to help me get rid of them . What evenings are you free?

Thats it. Its super easy.

Trust me on this- you will not kill this woman's interest over the age gap, which you need to get out of your mind asap. It DOESNT matter. Interest is all that matters.

You will kill it much faster while waiting around for her make the moves. She wont, she wants you to do that.

You send her the playful message that I just told you to send, get the next date set up and go forward. Its either a YES, counter offer or a no.

You act like you are waiting for this chick to throw herself at you. Even if a woman thinks a man is a 10 they will RARELY make things obvious because they still want to have the man leading instead of them.

-Stop thinking about fvcking this chick. I NEVER go into a date with the intent of smashing. I go into the date with the intent of having fun, being social and letting the chick talk her panties right off of herself. Just have a good time. Nothing screams thirsty dude or a try hard faster than a man that cant control himself and is only thinking about sex. Your goal should be to have a fun night out. Calm, social, confident, decisive, fun and charismatic. The product of that is this- chicks see you as a guy in control, in demand, social acceptance and fun to be around. They will want more so they will secure that with sleeping with you.

You need to send her that playful message sequence and see what happens. Be chill. Stop using the word "date". It puts pressure on things. I havent invited a chick on a "date" in years. Its always "lets get together and grab a drink or two" or "Lets meet up at so and so place and hang out".

It just sounds simpler and easier. No pressure. Chicks seem to respond better to that rather than "Date".....especially these younger chicks that we getting a piece of in the 25-30 yr old range.

 

[StrayCat]

StrayCat- Dude....STOP overthinking things. You are demoralizing yourself. SHE asked YOU out. She is attracted. From here you can raise her attraction or you can self sabotage it.

Let me show you a few things that I would have done in your situation:

I dont think that you can pull off being that direct. You arent confident enough at this point. You need to have more of a chill aura. You went out for drinks. She can tell you're sexually interested. You dont have to reinforce that to her. And you shouldnt. I think the way you over think things it would be disastrous for you to try this.


This is where you really missed her signal. She said that she wanted to hang again AND that you should take her home after the 2 of you drinking. And you did nothing. I dont get it.

My response would have been "You let me know this evening after tennis what evenings you are free and we and match something up on our schedules and go have another fun evening together". Thats it. She would have gotten back to you after tennis.

Since you fvcked that up, the last thing you need to do is sit around waiting for her to make another move. Get off your @ss and be a man and lead this to where you want to go.

I would send her a message TODAY that simply said:

Me: Hey you. I have a problem that I need your help with........
Her: Oh yeah? What is that?
Me: I have these d@mn drink tokens and I need a partner to help me get rid of them . What evenings are you free?

Thats it. Its super easy.

Trust me on this- you will not kill this woman's interest over the age gap, which you need to get out of your mind asap. It DOESNT matter. Interest is all that matters.

You will kill it much faster while waiting around for her make the moves. She wont, she wants you to do that.

You send her the playful message that I just told you to send, get the next date set up and go forward. Its either a YES, counter offer or a no.

You act like you are waiting for this chick to throw herself at you. Even if a woman thinks a man is a 10 they will RARELY make things obvious because they still want to have the man leading instead of them.

-Stop thinking about fvcking this chick. I NEVER go into a date with the intent of smashing. I go into the date with the intent of having fun, being social and letting the chick talk her panties right off of herself. Just have a good time. Nothing screams thirsty dude or a try hard faster than a man that cant control himself and is only thinking about sex. Your goal should be to have a fun night out. Calm, social, confident, decisive, fun and charismatic. The product of that is this- chicks see you as a guy in control, in demand, social acceptance and fun to be around. They will want more so they will secure that with sleeping with you.

You need to send her that playful message sequence and see what happens. Be chill. Stop using the word "date". It puts pressure on things. I havent invited a chick on a "date" in years. Its always "lets get together and grab a drink or two" or "Lets meet up at so and so place and hang out".

It just sounds simpler and easier. No pressure. Chicks seem to respond better to that rather than "Date".....especially these younger chicks that we getting a piece of in the 25-30 yr old range.

Why shouldn't I just ask her at mini golf in person? She may just say let's go after golf on Friday? I usually come off better in person then over text.