First attempt at being a DJ: How'd I Go?

[Mortukai]

Hey all. Been lurking here about a month and reading the DJ Bible and a bunch of articles. Good stuff.

It just so happens that around the time I started trying to integrate my newfound knowledge and DJ attitude, a girl in this short course I'm doing started expressing some interest in me (heh, works pretty fast eh?).

I'm not really all that into her. I mean, she's cute and ****, probably a HB6.5, and really nice and friendly. But I'm using her to play on the jealousy of a HB15 (yes, she's totally off the ****ing scale). This HB15 has responded to her jealousy in the past, when I've had a mutual friend move in to live with me, and whenever I bring up an old LTR ex (which I do on occasion to get a rise out of her). I've never had the confidence to try to make a move with her though, and I've constantly convinced myself that even her most obvious signals were just my wishful thinking (yeah yeah, typical AFC, I know). Like one time she actually told me that she thought I was gay, and I was all like "WTF?", and she said "In the good way!", and I took that as an insult like she thought I was a fairy. I've been dumb.

Aaaaanyways. I figure this HB6.5 would be great social proof and jealousy material to score with this HB15. So I'm trying out my game on her. Turns out she's actually got her **** together and she's pretty competent in the game herself. Probably has something to do with having already been married and divorced and has been working as a massuesse for the last year (which sweetens the deal I reckon ). It's pretty obvious from everything on this site that she's interested, but I'd like to know how I'm going with my game.

So here's a little SMS convo we had last night. For those who don't know, SMS is Short Message Service, like text chat on your mobile phone. Big in Europe and Australia (where I'm from). First, I need to set up the context. The day before yesterday, we're at the course and we all arrange to meet on monday for study. She's messaged me before to confirm a meeting that our study group had been attending consistently for a few weeks. Anyway, here it is:

Her: Hey, are we studying on monday at 4 still?
Me: You gotta stop messaging me like this or I'm gonna think you're stalking me. Yeah, we're still on.
Her: Sorry, I'll try harder. I wasn't really listening the other day that's all.
Me: I'm not buying that "I wasn't listening" crap, I know you can hear me typing this message right now (I've been making fun of her for ages because she can hear her phone ringing even when no-one else can hear anything, so I tell her she has dog ears)
Her: freak. There are other things on my mind right now other than you you know. I don't always listen to you either.
Me: Ah, the old "You ain't all that" ploy. Keep it up, maybe it'll come true.
Her: OMG. Rate yourself much? Are you analysing me again?? I found someone to live with today.
Me: Don't worry, it's only slightly obvious that you're projecting your perceptions as my affirmations.
Her: Don't use that mumbo jumbo on me young man. How am I supposed to respond to that? I got nothin.
Me: Ok, well how about you tell me about your roommate, and I'll consider confusing you more with my rapier wit.
Her: Don't patronize me Benjamin. It's my friend's cousin. She seems pretty nice. Do you enjoy torturing people with your rapier wit?
Me: I only enjoy torturing small defenceless animals. So is she hot? How long do I have to wait until I can see you two making out?
Her: She has a boyfriend, sorry. Are you calling me defenceless?
Me: Well, maybe not entirely defenceless... even kittens have widdle claws.
Her: I would kick your arse. This kitten has to start work at 9 tomoz so we can continue the confusion on monday yeah. Sleep tight
Me: Meow
Her: Goodnight freak x

Ok so that was it. I know I should have ended the convo, but I swear I was gonna end it in the next message but then she beat me to it

Also, I think that when she said "There are other things on my mind right now other than you you know.", that according to Pook's ********, perhaps she was conveying "feeling of thinking of me", and that she really meant "I think about you more than I'm going to admit to you." Does this sound about right?

Outside of SMS convos, I've started a bit of kino on her and I'm really playing up the C&F because that seems to come naturally to me. She seems pretty responsive with her body language and eye contact (which I'm also pretty good at), but I'm having trouble keeping my mind in a "sexual male" mindset. I just keep slipping into a "you're kinda interesting to talk to and make fun of" mindset. But as I mentioned, I'm a bit of a total newb to this whole DJ thing, so if anyone can tell me where I was stupid or whatever, that'd be appreciated.

 

[i am me]

Eh....sorry to break this to you but that DID come accross as kind of wierd. Especially if you "just started DJing" and you weren't "****y and funny" before. What I'm trying to say is it seems kind of forced.

 

[Devil_In_Disguise]

I think the idea is to come across as a man. Your texts come across as being an egocentric freak.

A good rule of thumb is that if you wouldn't say it in real life, don't say it in a text or email either.

 

[Nocturnal]

discussion

 

[thefonz]

if you had thrown in some more laid back chat (push/pull idea) you would have done great......even with that you still didnt do THAT bad, you are pushing her emotional buttons.....just throw in some more uplifting ideas and concepts

 

[Mortukai]

Cool. Thanks for the feedback!

@i am me & Devil_In_Disguise: Yeah, in Real Life in the classroom I've established myself as the arrogant funny man. We all get a good laugh out of it, so she knows that it's all in good humour and she "fights back" with me. Maybe there's a slight cultural difference, because ragging on people is pretty much a national sport here.

If what I say sounds kind of forced, then I need to work on that because it's not really. I'm just treating her like "one of the guys", to try and get out of my old AFC habits where I'd kiss her ass.

@thefonz: Ok, so you reckon play more on the "I really might not be interested in you at all" thing? Then switch it up? Is that what you mean by "push/pull"? Or do you mean just talking about meaningless fluff?

Ok, so I'll keep in mind to try to be more laid back and occasionally uplifting.

 

[Krassus]

Hahah, killer! You're catching on quickly. Loved the part with the kitten; consider it stolen! The mindset behind that conversation very much reminds me of my own. Very ****y and very playful. Girls absolutely eat this stuff up. A guy with a huge ego is extremely attractive as long as he doesn't take it seriously and is able to laugh at it and himself.

 

[Delta Male]

Hey dude,

First: If you already have her cell number, just call here, don't SMS. It's more attractive for her to actually hear your voice.

Second: It's an extraordinarily bad frame to call someone a "HB15" when you haven't met them yet. You'll never hook up with her if you think that she's a goddess and you're a regular guy.

Second: You're overdoing the C&F by a lot. Did you notice that ALL of your replies were C&F? Tone it down a little. Let me explain something to you:

C&F, negs, takeways do NOT create attraction. They create SURFACE ATTRACTION. These tactics only work because you've invalidated her, so she chases you in order to regain her invalidation. This creates the impression that she's attracted to you.

BUT, a few minutes after you stop talking, this surface attraction goes away. Why? Because unless you are a person of high value, you're merely an unattractive guy who invalidated her, and once she stops talking to you she'll realize that.

Once you've got a girl's contact info, you should work on displaying VALUE, and only teasing her once in a while. Tell her stories that demonstrate indirectly that you are a great guy. Own the frame of the interaction, and let het feel your positive, alpha vibe.

This is the way to create real, solid attraction which lasts and which you can form a relationship on.

-Dan

Dan, the cool RSI intern
http://www.rapidsocialimpact.com

 

[Mortukai]

Hahah, killer! You're catching on quickly. Loved the part with the kitten; consider it stolen! The mindset behind that conversation very much reminds me of my own. Very ****y and very playful. Girls absolutely eat this stuff up. A guy with a huge ego is extremely attractive as long as he doesn't take it seriously and is able to laugh at it and himself.

Thanks! Yeah I'm starting to notice this Although it might not come across from this thread's opening post, I am always using my ****iness to laugh and joke about myself. I even use my arrogant humor to make fun of my own arrogance. Always gets a laugh.

But yeah, that kitten thing has worked wonders in the past. Just try to figure out a way to insert "kitten" as some sort of reference to her, and it's gold. I find it especially powerful if you really play up the "cute widdle fwuffy kitty!!!" child-talk, especially if it's in stark contrast to your usual attitude (which in my case, it is). Gets 'em every time. Probably has something to do with engaging their emotions and associating them with you, or forcing them to see you as a potential father of their children, or something. Who cares why it works? It just does.

First: If you already have her cell number, just call here, don't SMS. It's more attractive for her to actually hear your voice.

Hmm, well I didn't SMS her, she SMSed me. I don't know what the US is like, but here in Australia, most people, especially girls, communicate primarily through SMS rather than voice conversations. I know it's even worse in many parts of Europe. I have my theories as to why, but I won't go into them here.

Second: It's an extraordinarily bad frame to call someone a "HB15" when you haven't met them yet. You'll never hook up with her if you think that she's a goddess and you're a regular guy.

Umm, I have met her. I've been friends with her throughout the last 3 years of my psych degree (met her through the degree). She's always shown signs of wanting me to make a move (I don't think she ever stuck me in the "friends" box, at least not that her behaviour indicates), but I've always been too chicken**** and insecure about my own worth. So now that I've decided to make a move, I'd like to go in guns blazing with everything I've got, hence using jealousy and social proof. Also this HB6.5 is a pretty cool chick too so no loss either way.

But I've never treated her like a goddess, and in fact I've called her on her bad behaviour on multiple occasions (and I felt bad about it before I found this site). I know she's stunning, and so does she. But I've dated hot chicks before so looks don't have such a powerful effect on me as they used to. She's also very intelligent, but like all gorgeous and intelligent girls, she's totally insecure and has all these ridiculous defence mechanisms in place that she thinks are invisible. I've never played her games because I've been too scared of her gutting me. Now I won't play her games because I won't put up with that crap from anybody. Similar behaviour, totally different attitude and reasons, and it feels great.

And no, I don't think of myself as a "regular guy" either. I'm very intelligent, rather attractive, and very talented in multiple areas. So there's no chance of me placing her on a pedestal and getting kicked in the nuts for the trouble. Been there, done that. Once bitten and all that.

You're overdoing the C&F by a lot. Did you notice that ALL of your replies were C&F? Tone it down a little. Let me explain something to you:

C&F, negs, takeways do NOT create attraction. They create SURFACE ATTRACTION. These tactics only work because you've invalidated her, so she chases you in order to regain her invalidation. This creates the impression that she's attracted to you.

Ok cool. That makes sense. Thanks for the tip! I can recall instances where toning it down would have been the best course of action.

Once you've got a girl's contact info, you should work on displaying VALUE, and only teasing her once in a while. Tell her stories that demonstrate indirectly that you are a great guy. Own the frame of the interaction, and let het feel your positive, alpha vibe.

This is the way to create real, solid attraction which lasts and which you can form a relationship on.

Groovy. I'll keep that in mind man. Thanks.

 

[i am me]

Originally posted by Mortukai
Cool. Thanks for the feedback!

@i am me & Devil_In_Disguise: Yeah, in Real Life in the classroom I've established myself as the arrogant funny man. We all get a good laugh out of it, so she knows that it's all in good humour and she "fights back" with me. Maybe there's a slight cultural difference, because ragging on people is pretty much a national sport here.

If what I say sounds kind of forced, then I need to work on that because it's not really. I'm just treating her like "one of the guys", to try and get out of my old AFC habits where I'd kiss her ass.

Haha. Believe me, I understand...we rag on people a lot here too

I'm not saying you did a bad job. I'm just saying, don't act out of character because then girls will know when you're just putting on an act. They get turned off by fakes. But if that's what you're really like, then go ahead and keep on doing what you're doing (maybe with a little LESS ****iness though)