Fine tunning your confidence

[jlujan]

I wonder if any of you are having some difficulties with this as well, i seem to be having some problems with my attitude as of lately, to be more specific, i am having problems with crossing that fine line betwen a confidence attitude and rudeness, i find myself acting rude sometimes and that is not where i want to go, but i can't seem to help it sometimes until its too late.

Opinions?

 

[DjDreamer]

When your confidence comes off as being rude, correct the situation by adding some comedy. Make fun of yourself. If you become desperate for humor, make grandiose statements while refering to yourself in the 3rd peson. That will either get them giggling or on the phone contacting the nearest insane asylum.

It's C&F

 

[Santos]

Confidence is a funny thing. If you've ever been TRUELY confident with something, you'll notice that you're not self-concious at all and you're completely relaxed. If I asked you what does it feel like to be confident you'd say "It feels like I don't give a f__k about anyone or anything."

That's not true confidence, but confident people give off that vibe. It's not that confident people are thinking "I don't give a f__k" it's that they are so focused on the task at hand and so COMFORTABLE with what they are doing that they don't feel self-concious and are relaxed.

Once you forget about yourself, how others portray you and are COMFORTABLE with something then you are confident.

For example, I never used to speak up in calss at school. But decided that at uni I would like to do that.

The first few times I felt nervous. But now I'm confident. It's weird, it doesn't even feel GOOD that I'm doing it. Confidence isn't really a feeling. I am just focused on getting the lecturer to answer my question. I'm not thinking "hey, i'm confident!"

In fact, I cracked a joke the other day. And had everyone around me laughing, that felt good (love making ppl laugh). Now and then I answer a question the lecturer asks and I'm COMPLETELY WRONG. I even tried to crack a joke on friday, and no one laughed. LOL! But it just doesn't get to me anymore. That's confidence. I'm not thinking "I don't give a f__k." I genuniely don't care.

Confidence is about experience. But experience in different areas. You can't raise your confidence in EVERY area at once. You have to target specific areas, the more areas you master, the more your confidence in general improves.

For example, just recently I've decided to work on approaching women and getting numbers. I have zero confidence there, it'll take some balls but after a few weeks I won't care anymore. I will be so focused on what I am doing right/wrong with each approach I won't even feel self-concious. Do it enough times and I will FEEL comfortable. I will have the confidence to do it.

Good luck!
Santos

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I've noticed that rudeness occasionally slips out whenever you are trying too hard. Being smooth an in control of yourself works well in conveying confidence without a lot of effort. Watch Sean Connery movies. That'll give you a good example.