Finding your inner daredevil

[PUA in Training]

I'm not talking about necessarily parachuting out of planes or going rock climbing. Just having a general attitude of detached curiosity about life. Where you don't take life so seriously, but have more the attitude of "I wonder what would happen if I try this, I wonder what will happen if I say that?" It was just a kind of playfulness about life, and a desire to have new experiences, all of which is SO unlike me.

Anyone here who never used to have that kind of personality but found a way to have it and maintain it? If so, how did you do it? I think when I had it for a short time there, it was because I was filling my head with the kind of person I wanted to be. I refused to let myself dwell on anything negative, like I usually do. And I think when I kept my mind on the kind of person I wanted to be, after a while I just naturally started acting like that person.

Anyway, can anyone relate to having this kind of personality like I described above? And developing this kind of personality when you weren't always that way?

Another question while I'm at it: say a guy DOES go rock climbing, parachuting out of planes, etc. Would most women see a guy like that as a risky choice for a LTR because he takes too many risks? I mean I know they'd probably find a guy like that exciting, but would many women decide a guy like that isn't the type of guy she wants to be in a LTR with because, what if something happens to him?

 

[ObieJuan]

I too have wanted to find that sort of spontaneity...seems if I'm in a great mood I'll look for opportunities to stand out, if even just a little bit. Maybe my personality won't allow me to be that way all the time, or it's just my nature to want to be this way around some people who can appreciate such an attitude.

I just bought a motorcyle a few months ago and when I first bought it I was scared of it- eventually after becoming familiar and in tune with it the fear disappeared and was replaced by confidence. It's risky, dangerous and a thrill all at the same time! Funny thing is I realized I should take more risks because the feeling starts to become addictive

Every day is another day; many days are filled with the same routines. By saying something you wouldn't normally say or observe things in different ways to come up with ideas. Sometimes it's fun to pretend your still a kid, many people forget what that's like (myself included). Haha, was just thinking of saying "let the inner child come out to play" and it sounds tacky but it's true.

I like how you're blocking the negativity- I used to feed on it but after blocking it out I feel a lot better. Keep acting like the person you want to be- as pook says:

Think and you shall become!

 

[PUA in Training]

I'm having trouble explaining it, because I'm having trouble putting my finger on it myself. Maybe its not so much wanting to take chances, not necessarily, but having that kind of personality where you don't panic, you know? I've always been the kind of person who panics in certain situations. This results in wanting to avoid new experiences as much as possible. Stay within my comfort zone.

But I was reading this book at the library yesterday, and it said something about comfort zones that stuck with me: "comfort zones are like walls around us. We hope they'll keep the bad stuff away from us if we stay within the walls, but the bad stuff gets to us anyway. The only thing the walls do is keep us from the good stuff because we're afraid to go outside the walls".

Anyway, its not that I want to necessarily be a daredevil or anything (although I think it would be fun), but have the kind of personality where I could be one if I wanted to. And I could be one if I had the type of personality where I didn't panic, didn't want to curl up in a ball and give up when things got a little difficult and could just say "I'll handle it, thats all" and have that kind of belief in myself that I COULD handle it.

I've always had a fear of responsibility, a fear of hard work, a lot of fears actually. Always had a hard time disciplining myself to do things I didn't feel like doing. For years and years, I've always thought this was just the way I am, for better or worse. But I've had flashes where I actually wanted to live, and not just kill time until I die. And I liked it. I liked it a lot.

So how do you get this non-panicky, "I'll handle it", type of personality?

 

[ObieJuan]

I'm not sure why you'd be so quick to panic. Do you have any examples that caused you to do that? I bet after it happens you try and figure out what caused your reaction. Any idea why? That seems to be your biggest problem I can gather from your posts...

 

[PUA in Training]

I'm not sure why you'd be so quick to panic. Do you have any examples that caused you to do that? I bet after it happens you try and figure out what caused your reaction. Any idea why? That seems to be your biggest problem I can gather from your posts...

This post is going to make me sound like the biggest pu$$y that sosuave has ever seen probably, but try to understand that I was EXTREMELY coddled and sheltered growing up, rarely disciplined, and a very spoiled only child. Growing up I never had to really do anything I didn't feel like doing except go to school. I never played any sports, joined anything at school, never worked a day in my life until I was I think 20 maybe. I spent all my time in my bedroom alone playing video games and watching tv because that's what I felt like doing. If there was something I didn't feel like doing, most of the time I didn't have to do it.

In short, I learned to be helpless, I learned to depend on others, I learned to whine and act pathetic and incompetent and do things half-assed, so I didnt have to do things I didnt want to. When I was a kid and another kid beat me up (I was too timid to fight and didn't even care to learn how), my mom and grandma would run up to school to complain to the teacher or principal or whoever.

The point is, by the time I was SUPPOSED to be a man, emotionally I was still very much a boy. In fact there were kids who had more balls than me when I was (legally anyway) a man. I was never forced to push myself, never really found out what I could do, what I was capable of. Getting my first job, getting my drivers license and driving for the first time, talking to women I was attracted to, learning something new at my job, all the things that MAYBE scared most young guys my age a little, scared the living sh!t out of me!

I decided the best thing I could do was just hide from life as much as possible and just give up, because major changes in my life like these were so terrifying for me, I didn't want to go through the intense fear. And I'm just now starting to realize that all this is because I was never taught to be self-reliant. I'm 33 and in maybe the past 10 years I've only started to grow up. I've come to believe that I'm capable of so little, only because I've never really tried to find out what I'm capable of. And why try to find out? I already "knew" I was incompetent.....at life in general. What was the point in challenging myself? It would only cause me pain when I couldn't do it. I "knew" this before I even tried, so why bother trying?

Not that I'm blaming my upbringing for the way I am because all the blaming in the world won't change my situation any. Only I can do that. It sounds corny probably, but this thread has been therapeutic for me. I think I'm getting closer to understanding why I've had so little self-confidence/self-esteem for almost all of my life. It's just like I read in that book yesterday at the library: my comfort zones have been walls that didn't protect me from anything, but only acted as a prison.

 

[blinkwatt]

Simple,GET OUT! Join a gym that should give you somewhat of a "rougher skin". Don't give me a excuss,"I dont have time,money,muscles to lift etc." I go to the gym around midnight after work and am there till 1 or 1:30,its inconvineint but I want to do it, so I make time for it. Get a hobby,ie weight lifting,working on cars,karate etc. something that involves you becoming physical.

Another question while I'm at it: say a guy DOES go rock climbing, parachuting out of planes, etc. Would most women see a guy like that as a risky choice for a LTR because he takes too many risks? I mean I know they'd probably find a guy like that exciting, but would many women decide a guy like that isn't the type of guy she wants to be in a LTR with because, what if something happens to him?

Do you think the guys cares? He is doing what he wants? Any women that would even get involved with him should like him for what he does and is,not change him. HE IS LIVING LIFE!

 

[rrrrr]

Well my hobby is to race stock cars on dirt tracks. I had one girl tell me she could never marry a guy like that and she told me she bet alot of them were single because she couldn't stand worrying about him getting killed. The truth is there are some hot chicks that some of these guys hooked up with, by looking at them they are the "slutty" or "rough" type. I don't know if they are actually sluts or not but they dress provocative. As for taking more risk I find if you just push yourself that's when you improve yourself. I'm 29 years old so I've got a lot of catching up to do. I used to be a basket case when I got on an airplane. I conquered that fear by continuing to fly on them rather than driving. I just need to figure the woman thing out and I will be a well rounded person.

 

[ObieJuan]

At least you're sorting things out- by tracing your problems back to their origins and deciding what you should've done you can decide what to do now. It's not too late.

Fear is something you should embrace, simply because overcoming it is one of the most liberating feelings. I used to be afraid of eating fish because of a bad childhood memory (I threw up). 15 years later it still affected me- until one day I decided I would try again- I ate slowly, remembering that sickening feeling in my stomach I'd had when I ate it before...but the quesy feeling never came. Afterward I ate fish for a few consecutive days and it's a done deal. Fish is now a food I can eat again

Work your way up; Talk yourself into coming to terms with things you're afraid of. Get your body in better shape; even if you don't improve much right away it'll help your self-esteem and confidence which will aid you in your quest . Just ask yourself what's worse- telling yourself you can't, or living with the regret that you could, but didn't? It's that simple. First step to any solution is knowing the problem...you're on the right track now! I expect to hear some posts back from you and I want to hear some results- no excuses!

 

[reallyfreakinlost]

You REALLY shouldn't take my advice, so if i were you I'd stop reading right about now! However, I think if you want to knock down your "walls of comfort zone" or whatever, f*ck that outsider sports sh**, instead go find somebody you hate and beat the crap out of him. Trust me, this is the best way to get out of your comfort zone. And maybe you'll get beat up, but that's my 2 cents.

 

[PUA in Training]

When something doesn't go my way, I take it SO seriously. I'm so attached to the outcome. Even something trivial, like just this morning I was getting my antidepressants and blood pressure medicine out of this little cabinet that my roommate has all of it stuffed into. So some stuff fell while I was trying to get to other stuff, and there I go thinking about how stupid and clumsy and incompetent I am. Is it any wonder I want to panic and/or give up so easily?

I've been noticing lately that I've always analyzed myself and my life constantly, I mean all day long. "What did she mean by that? Why am I like this? I should've done this, why did he have to say it like that?" When I've had those short flashes where I felt more adventurous, playful, etc - usually from a new antidepressant - I noticed I didn't have that urge to constantly analyze myself and my situation, I could just relax.

It all comes back to what I fill my mind with: the kind of person I want to be, or what I don't like about myself now. Like Earl Nightingale said - and I think he said he borrowed it from Napoleon Hill - "we become what we think about".

 

[ObieJuan]

Stop being attached to every outcome, and no matter what try to put a positive spin on it. If you are being clumsy, say to yourself "I'll be more careful next time!".

When you are talking to others don't be concerned about their intentions or meanings- a lot of people I know just talk to be talking- it doesn't even matter what they're talking about as long as they're flapping their gums. If a person says something that puts you into over-analyzation mode then place emphasis on your wants and needs. Why worry about what they're thinking? It isn't like you're ever going to know, anyway.

I have adopted the belief that anything not congruent with my positive state of mind or if I cannot relate I simply discard it from memory. Don't lose focus of your goals- it's very easy to do when you're starting out. If you're going to analyze anything then let it be the things that prevent you from becoming who you want to be- but it looks like you're doing a good job at the moment. Keep it up.

 

[reallyfreakinlost]

antidepressants are the answer to everything in life, I take tons of 'em. f*ck this self-help stuff... chemicals is the way to go