"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

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Finding out Who you Really Are.

SiYuan

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I've just been tasked this by my "sensei" and I have completely no idea how to go about it.

How does one actually find out who one is ?

Has anyone found out who they are right now?
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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RayHessel

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I won't pretend to be an authority on this, as I myself am trying to figure out who I am. But I try to start by figuring out what I believe in, and what things I stand for.

Maybe figuring out who you are is something that will only work for you, so you couldn't really follow the same path that others have taken.

I look forward to hearing what other people say.
 

coffin

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i dont know man i think knowing who you are isnt even really knowing anything about yourself wat i mean by that is it sint wat that you know who you are its that you are in peace with wat you are and know where you will end up. if taht makes any sense at all
 

SiYuan

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But you have to know who you are eventually in life in order to succeed. Know what to improve on, know how you think, how you do..
 
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Who you are, is in a constant state of flux. Change, in normal speak. It's never the same on the inside, while the outside may seem calm.

However, there is a basis You, with believes, likes, dislikes, abilities, disabilities, talents, strong points, weak points.

Finding out Who You Are is not a trivial task to be given. And your Sensei has probably given you this task to set you on a path that leads to the rest of your life. A different life. A different you. For a reason, no doubt. That very question will be answered in time, when you are more knowledgable of Who You Are.

How do you go about this task? In time you will understand that it is this very question that has lead you to this. Not to worry however, there are a few pointers to be given and some already have.

Finding out who you are is about discovering all that which was mentioned above: what do you believe in? What has your passion? What are your principles? What are you afraid of? What are your talents? What are your strong points and weak points? In short: what kind of a person are you?

Answering these and many more questions is Finding Out Who You Are. How you go about that is not up to us to say. Because that is also about Who You Are. It is unique to everyone. Some already know a lot about themselves. Some know nothing. For some it may begin with putting such questions to paper and answering them, either on that same paper or in their mind. For others, these questions on paper cause blankness in their minds. A void. Yet others reflect inside and never write it down.

The beginning to all self-knowledge is to reflect on your actions, behaviours and the feelings that are caused inside you by the things that transpire in your everyday life. This will give you the answers that you seek: by focussing on the now and the swirl of motion that is inside you. The flux of Self. For this is ultimately You.

Sometimes, you'll find that you are afraid. Afraid to go out and do things that enable you to experience the world, enable you to experience yourself, enable you to learn about yourself and finding Out Who You Are in the process. That is Who You Are at that moment. Mostly you'll then also find that you want to change this. That is also You. It will lead to a new You.

One thing: the question of Who You Are is not easily answered. Neither is it the same from one moment to the next. The ultimate knowledege of You is the You who will know what he is going to be like from one moment to the next. Yet, those who claim themselves to be such, are perhaps the farthest away of all from knowing Who They Are.

Good luck. You are about to begin a wonderful journey.
 

"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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Julian

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"You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You are the same decaying organic matter as everyone else, and we are all part of the same compost pile."
 

coolf1r3

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Julian said:
"You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You are the same decaying organic matter as everyone else, and we are all part of the same compost pile."
"You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your fvcking khakis. You're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world."
 

SuavePlaya

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You are the awareness that's observing everything that's going on in your mind and the outter world. If you think you know who you are that's your ego telling you who you are. The labels your ego gives you are only limitations.
 

rushing dude 123

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its the person u dream to become, if u take all the constraints and pressure from the media and people away. U should see this more clearly. When someone says b urself, which could b nervous and worried, thats very **** advice to me. But if u take being urself has the person u wish to become, confident and calm, sounds like a pretty wise choice. Most people in the world r not them selves, they r people who have been moulded by other people. Although i don't drink alcohol heres an example, When u drink u care lot less what people think of u and end up doing what u truly desire despite what others may think, e.g asking that pretty number in red out despite rejection, embaressment. Its pity a lot of people can't do this without the liquid courage though.

Become that man u wish to b.
 

The_411

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Stop "looking" finding out who you are ... as it is not a question of looking or searching. It's a matter of understand that you as a person have value and value is determined by what you feel it is.

You could think endlessly about who you are and you could conform the opinion of who you are based on a million and one different situations.


Just be decisive and back your gut instinct.
 

"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"

I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.

The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.

Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.

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izza

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I think seeking who you are is a great pastime. This will help you a lot with women.

I usually do an exercise called clustering when I'm figuring out how I feel about stuff. Let me know if you aren't able to come up with anything on google that's useful.

Also, reading gender relations books really helped me: reviving Ophelia, and Raising Cain were great!

Best,
Izza
 

I.A.F.Y.B.

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Just love and accept who you are. But, dont settle for less always work on improving yourself.
 

Dimehair

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Just check your driver's license. If you don't have one, look for your birth certificate. Hope this helped.
 

SiYuan

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Alexander the Great said:
Who you are, is in a constant state of flux. Change, in normal speak. It's never the same on the inside, while the outside may seem calm.

However, there is a basis You, with believes, likes, dislikes, abilities, disabilities, talents, strong points, weak points.

Finding out Who You Are is not a trivial task to be given. And your Sensei has probably given you this task to set you on a path that leads to the rest of your life. A different life. A different you. For a reason, no doubt. That very question will be answered in time, when you are more knowledgable of Who You Are.

How do you go about this task? In time you will understand that it is this very question that has lead you to this. Not to worry however, there are a few pointers to be given and some already have.

Finding out who you are is about discovering all that which was mentioned above: what do you believe in? What has your passion? What are your principles? What are you afraid of? What are your talents? What are your strong points and weak points? In short: what kind of a person are you?

Answering these and many more questions is Finding Out Who You Are. How you go about that is not up to us to say. Because that is also about Who You Are. It is unique to everyone. Some already know a lot about themselves. Some know nothing. For some it may begin with putting such questions to paper and answering them, either on that same paper or in their mind. For others, these questions on paper cause blankness in their minds. A void. Yet others reflect inside and never write it down.

The beginning to all self-knowledge is to reflect on your actions, behaviours and the feelings that are caused inside you by the things that transpire in your everyday life. This will give you the answers that you seek: by focussing on the now and the swirl of motion that is inside you. The flux of Self. For this is ultimately You.

Sometimes, you'll find that you are afraid. Afraid to go out and do things that enable you to experience the world, enable you to experience yourself, enable you to learn about yourself and finding Out Who You Are in the process. That is Who You Are at that moment. Mostly you'll then also find that you want to change this. That is also You. It will lead to a new You.

One thing: the question of Who You Are is not easily answered. Neither is it the same from one moment to the next. The ultimate knowledege of You is the You who will know what he is going to be like from one moment to the next. Yet, those who claim themselves to be such, are perhaps the farthest away of all from knowing Who They Are.

Good luck. You are about to begin a wonderful journey.
Great post there mate.


Like you said, I've always came up with a complete blank everytime I try to think, look in the mirror or writing it down and asking my self. I find myself writing the same lines over and over again, that is Who Am I?

I've tried other methods, such as asking my friends around me, the elders and the young. Though they came out with varying answers, most of them have a constant point with them. Is that who I am? That constant? Or is that what my image is to them, what I'm pretending to be and successfully did?

My sensei told me that, if I can't find out who I am, he cannot bring me to the next level, and I'll be stuck with a plataeu.
 

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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SiYuan

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rushing dude 123 said:
its the person u dream to become, if u take all the constraints and pressure from the media and people away. U should see this more clearly. When someone says b urself, which could b nervous and worried, thats very **** advice to me. But if u take being urself has the person u wish to become, confident and calm, sounds like a pretty wise choice. Most people in the world r not them selves, they r people who have been moulded by other people. Although i don't drink alcohol heres an example, When u drink u care lot less what people think of u and end up doing what u truly desire despite what others may think, e.g asking that pretty number in red out despite rejection, embaressment. Its pity a lot of people can't do this without the liquid courage though.

Become that man u wish to b.
Your post has bits and pieces of what my football coach has been trying to tell me. He said that I'll never reach my potential if I try to play like what I see on TV, and not what I am. But I still can't figure that out. It's like my actions in football and in life are moreorless determined by the media.
 

SiYuan

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izza said:
I think seeking who you are is a great pastime. This will help you a lot with women.

I usually do an exercise called clustering when I'm figuring out how I feel about stuff. Let me know if you aren't able to come up with anything on google that's useful.

Also, reading gender relations books really helped me: reviving Ophelia, and Raising Cain were great!

Best,
Izza
I have no idea what's clustering at all. By googling it means writing whatever's on my mind at the moment? But right now I feel like I'm at the point where, I can't get myself to write it down because I'm not sure if it's really me, or the media and influences talking through me. Whether it's really what I am or is it what I fantasize about.
 

SiYuan

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I.A.F.Y.B. said:
Just love and accept who you are. But, dont settle for less always work on improving yourself.
But how do you love and accept something which you dont know?
 

SuavePlaya

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SiYuan said:
I have no idea what's clustering at all. By googling it means writing whatever's on my mind at the moment? But right now I feel like I'm at the point where, I can't get myself to write it down because I'm not sure if it's really me, or the media and influences talking through me. Whether it's really what I am or is it what I fantasize about.
SiYuan you know what you remind me of you ever watch the movie the last dragon when leroy catches the arrow and has no idea how he catches it and his sensei tells him he isn't his sensei anymore. Do not label yourself it only places limitations.

"Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless - like water. Now you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup, you put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle, you put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.” Bruce lee
 

SiYuan

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SuavePlaya said:
SiYuan you know what you remind me of you ever watch the movie the last dragon when leroy catches the arrow and has no idea how he catches it and his sensei tells him he isn't his sensei anymore. Do not label yourself it only places limitations.

"Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless - like water. Now you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup, you put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle, you put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.” Bruce lee
I understand what you're trying to get at SP. What my sensei explained in another way is that, why not let those be foundations instead?
 

"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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