Finding myself again

[Drivel]

Hi All,

I'll try and be brief. Met a girl a year ago while traveling. Hung out for few days, fun times etc. Left town. She called me week later and we began sporadic phone convos over few months. Flirty but nothing serious.

I ended up back in her town again few months later. We spent more time together and got little more physical. Definitely some connection. Shes young (20) and Im older with a high profile job so that helped. My attitude was always one of semi indifference to her. I always let her know i liked seeing her and being with her but I didnt call her much and didnt act as if I cared too much. because I still had control.

Fast forward a year and a few more rendezvous with her: Shes been calling me everyday and we have long talks (1 −3 hours). I know thats bad to talk so much but being long distance its all i had. Anyway, after our last visit, things got more physical than ever (still no sex but..) and since then Ive found that I'm really getting stuck on her. She recently sent me a pic of a guy and said "this is my new bf". She told me later that she was joking but initially my heart sank so hard I realized that Ive really fallen for this girl.

She saw what effect it had on me and now she has been mentioning other guys and the attention they pay her more and more. I try and seem indifferent but she can tell inside Im dying. Now shes starting to call less and i can feel the power has shifted from me to her. I honestly am 99% sure she doesnt want to be long term with me because of some issues she has with me not being her nationality and our ages etc.

Inside i know i should just walk away but I also know we only get one life and I want to have as may moments with her as i can. I love when she calls and how she includes me in her life. She used to ask about me a lot more but now its me just listening and its possible Ive been friendzoned.

Anyway, Im wondering how I can swing things back my way. I could try not picking up when she calls but Im pretty sure she'll just stop calling and I would hate that. Its crazy because if I dont hear from her everyday I get like a panic attack inside. Its not like me to be tripping so hard over a girl so if anyone has any ideas besides "spin more plates" or "freeze out" Id appreciate it. Maybe something that creates more of a transition rather than just cold turnkey doing something out of character. Any advice is huge thank you all.

 

[pinkfl]

Stop spending hours on the phone with her. If you both want different things then that answers your question about you wanting a relationship and she doesn't. Limit the calls to under ten minutes. Tell her you are busy and have to go and then actually become busy. Don't just lay around the house.

That way you are still keeping her as a friend but you aren't giving her the type of attention you would give a girlfriend. And if you stay busy and social you will feel better and not miss her as much.

 

[VladPatton]

Been there, done that, man, and it always goes to hell. The local guy will always win. Long distance relationships are a cheater's paradise. People that live together cheat on one another, let alone people thousands of miles away. It just drives you insane wondering. Not to mention, the absence of physical contact makes it basically a living fantasy. The relationship is 50% in your head, 50% on the phone. Not good. THEN you get the "I met someone" speech one day and your fantasy turns into a mushroom cloud from the nuke she just laid on you. Some "special" girl, huh? She just destroyed you from 2,000 miles away with a $3 phone call.


Do yourself a favor and start breaking away more and more for your own good. Leave the fantasy and focus on the real world. There is no shortage of girls out there...locally! Get your sanity back. Minimize the calls and the length of them. Insist you are busy. Tell her YOU met someone if you have to, who cares. Unless you like that anxious feeling that is now in the back of your head when she calls, then by all means continue. Almost always, these situations will end bad. Take control back and neutralize the pain and anxiety once and for all.

Hope this helped, and good luck.

 

[Brighty]

Been there, done that, man, and it always goes to hell. The local guy will always win. Long distance relationships are a cheater's paradise. People that live together cheat on one another, let alone people thousands of miles away. It just drives you insane wondering. Not to mention, the absence of physical contact makes it basically a living fantasy. The relationship is 50% in your head, 50% on the phone. Not good. THEN you get the "I met someone" speech one day and your fantasy turns into a mushroom cloud from the nuke she just laid on you. Some "special" girl, huh? She just destroyed you from 2,000 miles away with a $3 phone call.


Do yourself a favor and start breaking away more and more for your own good. Leave the fantasy and focus on the real world. There is no shortage of girls out there...locally! Get your sanity back. Minimize the calls and the length of them. Insist you are busy. Tell her YOU met someone if you have to, who cares. Unless you like that anxious feeling that is now in the back of your head when she calls, then by all means continue. Almost always, these situations will end bad. Take control back and neutralize the pain and anxiety once and for all.

Hope this helped, and good luck.

****ing nailed it.

It may suck, but letting this go could be the best thing that's ever happened to you. Reinvent yourself and go out there a chase a passion or two, women can wait.

 

[Drivel]

Thank you for the replies. It really helps a lot to hear other peoples take on it from past experience

 

[Atom Smasher]

The dynamic you set up could never be sustained. It had no legs. It seems you allowed this pseudo-relationship to fulfill your need for a local woman in your life. It's similar to what porn does to guys... It's something that is ultimately make-believe and takes the place of finding something real.

I just saw that I'm pretty much underscoring what someone else has posted. I agree you need to withdraw and be too "busy" to talk to her. But then get busy for real.

 

[-DJNoob-]

Damn Vlad ,

You hit it straight out the park BANG hahah. Good post man, and so true!. Drivel seems to me you found your answer and your way to finding yourself again.

I know how u feel, i'm looking to go back to old passions/hobbies myself while nexting this girl and trying to meet other onces

sosuave.net gotta love it

 

[Drivel]

Thank you all for the help. This isnt going to be easy especially because I likely wont have another shot at a girl like her for more reasons than I can get into in a single posting. Its sad but true that as long as you dont really have strong feelings for a girl, they will pursue you and treat you right. But the second you fall for em, they can smell it and it seems like they move right along to the next guy. Anyway, Thanks again for the help. I have another question but I will post it separately.