Finding a mentor

[Broham]

I'm not really looking to find a mentor to help with women, but rather, to help me keep myself motivated to acheive long-term goals. You see, I have high ambitions and a very wide-range of interests; however, I'm having difficulty pinpointing what I really want to do for a career. I have a versitile base a knowledge on alot of subjects, but no real specialty, although I do have a bachelor's degree in marketing.

As a result of this, I do alot of things half-assed. I just recently quit my job (its a long story) and I'm having a tough time dealing with politics and pain of searching for another one. The worst part is I'm not a lazy person. i.e. I bust my ass in the gym 4 days a week and I make sure I'm always eating and getting proper rest. My main motivation behind this is that I have a tangible goal: my body looks and feels better as a result. Unfortunately, the other things I want: money, power, respect, are easy to envision but extremely difficult to acheive. Part of the problem is that I live with my parents and I'm somewhat spoiled. My dad owns a business in which I'm working part time. Although I love him, he is very ignorant about many issues and not a good choice for a mentor.


So, my question is: do any of you guys have a mentor that helps you stay motivated on a daily basis, what's your relationship like, and how did you find this person.

MODS: don't move this to the "anything else forum", b/c I think a mentor is one facet of total self-improvement that should not go unnoticed. No man is an island.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Suggestion: Before looking for a mentor, determine two or three things that you are passionate about. Like you, I have tons of interests that seem to take longer to achieve specific goals. In a nutshell, we tend to spread ourselves out too thin.

Last year I added cycling to my interests. I joined a local bike club of that has over 1200 members and made some good friends. I did well, but I was definitely a 'noob' and people could tell.

This year I decided to focus my attention to cycling and learning the techniques. I decided to hang out with some of the 'road demons' and to learn from them. Oh yeah, they left me in the dust - at first... At the end of this season, I was right there with the rest of them. Now at least 3/4 of the club know me as one of the 'demons!' Talk about having social proof.

All I am trying to say is that although its good to be multi talented, but it's very difficult to set goals when you have tons of things going on at once. Find two or three things max to focus on. Determine where you want to be in each. Hang out with others who have the same passions and then make a point by point plan to achieve your goals in each.

One suggestion, carefully determine your passions. Some can give you more bang for the effort. My choice in cycling gave me all of the following.
1. Confidence - I lead club rides of up to 50 cyclist at a time. I also teach classes on technique to new cyclist.
2. Health - I weigh 25lbs less than I did less than a year ago
3. Notoriety - People stop me on my rides and tell me that they've seen me before riding around town and wonder if I'm a professional racer (I wish ).
4. Payback - I broke up with the woman that got me into cycling and is in the same club. She's been in into the sport for over 10 years. But guess what, since we've broken up I've become a better cyclist than her and all of our cycling friends know it. Plus her cycling girlfriends hit on me even more now since I'm a single, cycling stud.

Remember, DJs do things purposely. Doing so takes focus and planning. Combining those things will help you achieve your goals.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Oh yeah, my post was definitely for my own enjoyment along with hopefully helping pass on a little knowledge. Cycling is something I'm not only passionate about but something I am very proud of.

One thing that helps me when sarging is emoting that passion when asked about what I do. Most guys talk about what they do from 9 to 5. Me, I love talking about how I play. The women I meet seem to enjoy that a lot. A couple have even asked how a woman could make me feel as passionately about them! I tell them just to live life as passionately and to share it with others.

Works like a charm....

 

[Broham]

Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia
Oh yeah, my post was definitely for my own enjoyment along with hopefully helping pass on a little knowledge. Cycling is something I'm not only passionate about but something I am very proud of.

One thing that helps me when sarging is emoting that passion when asked about what I do. Most guys talk about what they do from 9 to 5. Me, I love talking about how I play. The women I meet seem to enjoy that a lot. A couple have even asked how a woman could make me feel as passionately about them! I tell them just to live life as passionately and to share it with others.

Works like a charm....

I'm totally with you on that last statement. No woman wants to hear about your 9 to 5 job, hell I get pissed when my friends talk about work when I'm not in work!

So I assume you aren't doing much cycling now that's its freezing up in MN, or does your club ride in the winter also?? That's pretty cool that you've turned a hobby into a quasi-profession!

I don't want to turn this into a whinefest Francisco, but one of the reasons I'm this predicament is that my friends really don't have any of the same passions I do, let alone any passions AT ALL! I bet you know quite a few ppl like this. I've been forced to drop some friends cuz of this, and some just fizzled as a result of my expectations being too high. To make matters worse, my parents are two ultra-conservative non-risk takers whose biggest passion is worrying about me and my sister. My dad won't even watch a football game with me, that's how bad it is. So I'm pretty much on my own right now when trying to sort out my priorities and where I want to be in the long haul.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Ha ha, that's one of the things about passions, they seem transcend the norm. It's December in Minnesota and I went on a 40 mile bike ride today. Mind you the snow had melted and I could ride my road bike so that made it much easier. Last weekend it was colder and snowing so I had to ride my mountain bike. Only rode 25 miles then, but it was still a good ride.

I hear what you're saying about sharing your passion, or at least realizing that your friends don't share in the same passions. Do you know what that says? That you need to expand your circle of friends.

One of the things that I realized upon becoming a DJ is that it does force you to stand on your own two feet. Our breed is not the norm, at least when we live our lives authentically. People don't understand what we do or why we do it. We are sniped at mostly because we are confident and secure with our actions and that scares people. What really matters is how you feel about yourself.

One of the problems that I still have is similar to yours in that I tend to expect more from people. In a round about way I place expectations upon them that may seem to some as judgments based upon what I can do. I've realized though that what I've learned about DJism has ingrained itself so deeply into me that its become second nature, as like breathing. However, no matter how simple things are to me, not everyone can understand things the same way, and that's alright, we're all different and unique.

Given that, it helps to be able to call upon you own strengths and courageously venture forth on your own. With your passions driving you, you search to find others that somehow 'get you.' Understand that it won't be easy to find just one person to be able to fulfill that need. You're going to end up expanding your acquaintances to several different groups to fulfill your various needs.

It makes it easier to change your expectations from people. Stop basing their actions on what you would do, just expect the unexpected. Expect them to behave in a way that works best for them. If you don't expect anything specific from them, you are seldom disappointed. However, when they do something special, it feels truly special.

I won't say that any of this will be easy, but doing the work will pay off more than 100 times the effort that you put into it. Find your passion, even more-so find your purpose. Make sure it's yours, not something that someone else feels you should do. Understand that doing so will probably upset more people than be those who accept it. It may get to a point that only you accept the choice(s) that you have made. But remember, that's OK.

Several years ago I read a book by Ayn Rand called "Atlas Shrugged". My screen name is one of the characters from the book that relates so closely to my life today. Many people say that the book is about Capitalism and big business, but it's not. It's about the human spirit and a man that refused to relinquish his.

One of the most famous quotes from the book is "I swear on my life and my love of it, I will not live for the sake of another man nor will I ask for another man to live for mine." That quote alone gives me the strength to stand by my convictions, even when it seems the world is against you. Even then, you know that there is always one person you can always count on. Determining your purpose and passions will lay the foundation of your personal morality; that foundation will make you that person.

 

[Alpine]

Hi Broham,

Wow such energy, looks like you need to channel it to be useful. You're bright enough to realise 'specialisation' is a key principle in becoming successful in anything, now all you need to do is find it

I keep plugging a book called The Passion Plan, I should get a % of the royalties, but it's so what you need to read to get what you want - direction/purpose.

I don't know whether this has happened to you, but I find whenever I focuss on something and I need guidance something or somebody pops up, so maybe your mentor will find you.

I'd also buy First things first by Steven Covey and treat it like a workbook.

Good Luck

 

[Broham]

Thanks Alpine, I'll have to check those out.

I'm currently reading "48 laws of Power" by Greene. I'm sure you guys have either read it or have heard of it.