finals, flaking and trips abroad

[majumbo]

so here ths situation
1.met girl at a party early nov. number closed
2. called 3 days later. left message, got immediate call back from girl. She seemed cautious and akward on phone. Said she'd be gone for the weekend and told me when she'd return. talked for about ten min.
3. called her when she returned, she picked up phone, we setup action date. Again she sounded shy. talked for about 5 min.
4. action date on saturday was fun and playful (zoo). hugged at the end, both wanted to hangout again. Told her I'd be gone for tahnkgiving and would give her a buzz when I get back
5. 9 days after first date, I call her.
6. Get no response for 4 days. Call her again and leave message: Hey, whatsup. Havent heard from you. Maybe misscommunication. I'm sure i told you ide be out of town for thankgiving. tahts why i called you when i did. Had a great time hangining with you. You're a fun cool girl, and i enjoyed getting to know you a bit. Lets do it again. Hope to hear from you. Anyways, I heard back from her that same night. This was on a friday. She sounded very warm and comfortable. Said she was jsut busy that week and was meaning to call me on the weekend. Also said my comment of her being a fun cool girl put a smile on her face. said she couldnt get together that weekend casue one of her friends was visiting out of town. So I told her to jsut do her thing, and i'd get in touch with her the following week.
7. tues rolls around and I call her, leave message asking what her schedule looks like. want to get together with ya. You have my number. bye.
8. Saturday. today: still hasnt called me.
Q: Should I back off big time now and not call her for a while, or call her before she leaves for australia, wish her a good trip and add that we should get together when she gets back if either of us has time. I think she likes me. At the party i was at, the host was a buddy of mine, and told me some of the girls there commented that I know how to talk to girls and seem like i could be a player. I dont think this girl heard any of this. Should I be concerned. Is this chick just busy, playing games (hard to get) or jsut plain not interested. maybe timing is bad since her finals are coming up, but I think thats a bad excuse for not calling and jsut saying she wont be able to hangout for a while. Shoudl i put her on the backburner and focus on some other stuff for now?



SOme facts
-shes a grad student
-kind of shy
-dec exams coming up
-shes leaving to australia for a month on dec 29th and retunring in feb.

 

[whistler]

"Q: Should I back off big time now and not call her for a while..."

yes

 

[majumbo]

could she still be interested from the details I provided or is it a slow crash and burn that has been taking place?

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Originally posted by whistler
"Q: Should I back off big time now and not call her for a while..."

yes

I agree with whistler. I don't think you did anything that exactly stinks of desperation, but you're borderline right now. Just cool it off with her and let her come to you. If you keep calling it can come off as either deperation on your part or just simply annoy her.

I don't think this is a "slow crash and burn". I think it's just a mixture of hard to get and being busy.

 

[majumbo]

update: have not called her since dec 7th as suggested, but have not recieved a call from her yet (today is 18th dec). Last time heard from her was dec 3rd. Finals are in full swing at her university.

Question: what exactly does a woman do to make herself hard to get? Since she has not called me back in 2 weeks is this a clear indicator that there is complete disinterest or it still just busyness or hard to get? A hard to get girl wants a confidently persistent guy right? If this is the case, then how should I pursue her in a confidently persistent manner? (We have a mutual friend, and I mightl prolly run into her at a party in march). I mean some girls might like a guy, but if they are shy may back off a bit. I have enough self control not too call her ever again, but then I dotn get the girl, right? It doesnt make sense cuz we connected and she was eager to hang with me again. I'm jsut wondering if it was all just bad timing with semester ending and her leaving for a month.

I was thinking of leaving teh following message on her voice mail if I call her dec 27th:

Hey Kate,

you must have been quite busy this whole month. Finals are a pain. I'm sure you did well. Anyways, I hope you have a great time abroad in jan. I'd def like to hear about your trip when you get back.

bye.


Any detailed advice is appreciated. This is a high quality female who I dont want to NEXT to protect my ego. Shes not a ho at all, and is a genuinely nice but shy girl. I'm not some insecure ***** who cant wait a while for her to come around. I just dont want to be wasting my time. I know what I like and always make a solid effort to get what I like.



Before I get dismissed as having One-itis, I do have another prospect lined up, a hottie from my bio class at night school who demanded that I take the same class as her next semester, so I'm not too dissapointed with whom I studied for finals together alone on several occassions (kino, playfullness, rapport building).

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Originally posted by majumbo
update: have not called her since dec 7th as suggested, but have not recieved a call from her yet (today is 18th dec). Last time heard from her was dec 3rd. Finals are in full swing at her university.

Question: what exactly does a woman do to make herself hard to get? Since she has not called me back in 2 weeks is this a clear indicator that there is complete disinterest or it still just busyness or hard to get? A hard to get girl wants a confidently persistent guy right? If this is the case, then how should I pursue her in a confidently persistent manner? (We have a mutual friend, and I mightl prolly run into her at a party in march). I mean some girls might like a guy, but if they are shy may back off a bit. I have enough self control not too call her ever again, but then I dotn get the girl, right? It doesnt make sense cuz we connected and she was eager to hang with me again. I'm jsut wondering if it was all just bad timing with semester ending and her leaving for a month.

I was thinking of leaving teh following message on her voice mail if I call her dec 27th:

Hey Kate,

you must have been quite busy this whole month. Finals are a pain. I'm sure you did well. Anyways, I hope you have a great time abroad in jan. I'd def like to hear about your trip when you get back.

bye.


Any detailed advice is appreciated. This is a high quality female who I dont want to NEXT to protect my ego. Shes not a ho at all, and is a genuinely nice but shy girl. I'm not some insecure ***** who cant wait a while for her to come around. I just dont want to be wasting my time. I know what I like and always make a solid effort to get what I like.



Before I get dismissed as having One-itis, I do have another prospect lined up, a hottie from my bio class at night school who demanded that I take the same class as her next semester, so I'm not too dissapointed with whom I studied for finals together alone on several occassions (kino, playfullness, rapport building).

Finals are a bad time to try and guage interest. She may just be really stressed out and busy. I just had 5 finals and I've barely been speaking to my own family and friends for a couple of weeks. Don't get all hyper over this.

 

[DeathDealer]

Backburner? Well let's see what happened...

1. You waited 9 DAYS to contact her again after dating her. You know the saying "You treat others how they treat you"

2. The voicemail thing, she didn't care about returning your voicemail.. this is not a game, but more of a "I don't care about you right now."

3. You ask how her schedule is. Why do you care, if you liked a girl a lot and she said she wanted to see you in an hour you would make time for her.

I'd say there is a good chance she might be disinterested, so I would say CUT CONTACT.

 

[majumbo]

1. I told her I'd be out of town. I see nothing wrong with the 9 days. When I got in contact with her about it and explained why it took me so long, I also added that shes a fun cool girl and she said that made her smile. she didnt seem upset, and sounded really happy with what I had to say.

2. maybe you are right. Maybe she doesnt care right now or ever. I think timing was bad since finals came up and I'm not her priority.

There is a good chance she may be disinterested, but I dont see how it would be because of anything I did. Last time I talked to her she sounded very warm and understanding so hell if I know what went wrong. Shes leaving the country for a month and might not want to get involved with anyone. But you are right, I wont be contacting her again.

Originally posted by DeathDealer
Backburner? Well let's see what happened...

1. You waited 9 DAYS to contact her again after dating her. You know the saying "You treat others how they treat you"

2. The voicemail thing, she didn't care about returning your voicemail.. this is not a game, but more of a "I don't care about you right now."

3. You ask how her schedule is. Why do you care, if you liked a girl a lot and she said she wanted to see you in an hour you would make time for her.

I'd say there is a good chance she might be disinterested, so I would say CUT CONTACT.

 

[duke007]

Give me her number! Nah just kidding mate

I've experienced two similar situations where the chick was leaving the country for an extended time period and flaked despite showing initial interest.

I think they don't want to get involved with somebody new for barely a month because it will create problems when they have to leave. You can't convince a chick you've been dating for a month to return to you when she gets back home. It reeks of neediness. Plus they'll probably be having the time of their life meeting new guys overseas.

The other thought going through the chick's mind is that all you want to do is to sex her. She knows that you would consider waiting a month or more for a chick you barely know would be ridiculous. Therefore the reason you are keen to see her before she leaves is a quick wham bam thank you maam.

The second time this happened to me the girl sounded a bit touch-and-go on the phone so I purposely left the ball in her court and left it at that.

It's not worth wasting any more time.

 

[skinnydart]

I had the exact same situation, like word for word. Anyway, after she flaked, didn't call me back, I was almost ready to give up, I was tired of asking her out when she wouldn't call me back, busy with exams, etc. Just as I was about to ditch her, I decided I would give her another chance seeing that finals were over. She said yeah and we just got back, had a great time, and she said she wanted to do it again.

I know alot of people say to drop her the instant she displays a lack of enthusiasm about you, but just don't give up to quickly, have some patience.

The girl I was talking about is kinda shy to, so even though i put the burden on her to "give me a call when she is available, she never would because she was exspecting me to inntiate the dates, etc.