Finally Took a Step towards Changing

[WORKEROUTER]

Today I broke it off with my gf, who I have been having problems with for a while.

At first, I was feeling down and depressed and had lost my vigor for life. Then I decided to start the DJ boot camp, for real, this time, at Week 1.

I realize what was the major problem all along that basically destroyed the relationship: I HAD LOST MY AMBITION AND PASSION.

My happiness began to depend on HER too much, instead of what I was doing. That caused oneitis and it started giving HER power. I became so focused and so analytical of every little thing in our relationship because that's what I was really focusing on. And you know what? It started making me less attractive towards me SEXUALLY. She admitted that she's been thinking of me more platonically than sexually, and looking back now, I realize WHY. Because I was NO LONGER BEING A MAN. I had turned into a whiny, over-analyzing, dependent, frustrated, chump.

What I SHOULD HAVE been focusing on was my school work and my hobbies, things that help me to propel me and that will ultimately give me success. My grades had suffered because I spent too much time with her and too much time thinking about her. My workouts have suffered because I haven't been working out or eating like I should have been. I have even become less of a good worker in my job.


Pook's article "Be a Man" helped me to realize this. I think my favorite quote from that passage was from Anti-Dump:

"Real Men are not available. They are climbing mountains. They are swimming across rivers. What are you doing? Making spaghetti."

My ex gf, even though she wouldn't admit it, wants a MAN, and in the beginnings, I WAS attractive, and she had mentioned that the big thing that attracted her to me was my ambition, my optimism, my manliness (she literally told me that once).

And by reverting into an AFC nice guy, I had lost these convictions, and she lost interest.

But nevertheless, life will go on, and I WILL go through the bible and become a man, again.

 

[WORKEROUTER]

Thanks man.

I think the best thing for me is to just start fresh. I had made a mistake, but that's okay, because I DO feel like I had learned A LOT in this relationship, especially about myself.

Turning my relationship around with heris not my main concern anymore. It was before, but it's not now. I was walking down the street today with my EYES ACTUALLY OPEN, and I noticed SO MANY attractive ladies. No longer did I allow myself to be blinded by my oneitis.

The reason I am reading the bible again and doing the course is because I want to get MYSELF back into shape. Not so that I can start pulling women or so that I can make her like me again. That's over...no matter how much I want to wish I could have done things differently, I have to be a man, LEARN FROM MY MISTAKES, and move on.

Ten years from now, this girl will hardly be remembered. But I will be affected by the decisions I make right now, about changing MYSELF, right now.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Too many guys on this site seem to blame themselves for their girl losing interest!!

This may be the case at times because many of you start becoming emotional and woman-like but many times it is not you!!

The women you are dealing with today are not particularly feminine and you have usurped their position and have become woman-like!!

A woman that is sincere and loves you "WILL" forgive your shortcomings - so don't be so quick to blame yourselves!!!

Trust me!!!

If there is love here, she will not be so harsh in her judgment and leave you because of this or that - she would communicate to you her displeasure and give you time to correct any flaws!!!

But because many relationships are built upon false criteria by the woman, it is inevitably set to fail!!

Many times today, the relationship is not based on her sincere sentiments to be with you based on some stringent criteria she has in place, rather it is based on a superficial shallow feeling of DESIRE for you at the MOMENT!!!

So don’t judge yourself so harshly because of one moment’s determination by a woman, rather look at what, in totality, all women want – and this is your masculine nature!!!!

If you are true to your masculine nature and she still falters then it is out of your control and her decision to leave is based on her whim!!

What is my point???

Don’t change your actions in life based on a woman’s shallow whim!!!

You may be OK - she may be the one who needs too change!

 

[WORKEROUTER]

But PuertoRico Lover, I DID become AFC-like. If I would have kept being a man all along, she wouldn't have become disinterested because no matter what bull sh*t women can spew out, that IS what they want.

I am not changing myself because of her or any women...I am changing myself because I AM a man of ambition, and goals, and dreams, that much surpass the importance of a women's feelings towards me.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Women who "love" give men many, I said" many" chances for men to correct themselves - "IF" the man has gone astray!!!

If a girl rejects you outright for a brash decision and error in judgment then she never had any long term thoughts of being with you!!

Trust me - women- I said "women" “not hors” who have a sincere interest in you would accommodate ANY shortcomings in a man and give him time to correct himself!

But some women find any reason to “break it off” and the man in a moment of error thinks his error has caused his misfortune – not so!!!

She has just taken advantage of your error, and has now found an opportune time to put the blame of her disinterest on you!!

Do you understand??

 

[belividere]

Right on workerouter,

Before I found this site I was with a girl for 2 years. After the first 1 1/2 yrs. I realized how much of a b1tch I had become. My attempt to regain my previous life was futile. To little to late I guess. I should have ended that one sooner but grew far to comfortable and complacent.

Good for you for not falling into that trap. The time you spend working on yourself and becoming a better person will reward you far more than a bad relationship ever could. I wish you the best of luck on achieving your goals.

PRL,
what the hell are you talking about? Yes blaming yourself when you lose a girl is usually stupid but workerouter came to a point where he realized his own faults and accepted them. He doesn't seem to actually be blaming anyone but instead is acknowledging the truth and learning from it. That is a good thing and will ultimately make him a better person. This isn't about women being hors or always playing to their "nature" but instead him realizing what makes him happy and pursuing it.

Could you please elaborate on what you said b/c to me it makes little too no sense. Especially in this circumstance. To truly change oneself the person needs to honestly evaluate themself. This means realizing both the good and bad but truely the bad. Workerouter seems to have come to terms with the bad and decided to change himself due to it. From your advice he should just pass the blame off on her and claim that his nature was jeopardized. What good does he get out of this. Instead he decides to own up to his shortcomings, being less manly, and set out to correct himself. Few people really do this in life. He is setting himself into an elite group who learns from the past to better there future. This site has several people in this group and that is what personally keeps me here.

 

[medjaun]

Hey workrouter, good luck. I'm going through the same thing, only difference is the relationship I was in lased 11 years, so I got a lot of work to do. Like you I'm chalking it up to a big learning experience and am looking forward to the future. Maybe you could have salvaged this relationship but does it really matter? I'm sure you'll find a better one now with your new mindset anyways.

 

[escobar04]

I found this place like a month ago after this girl LJBFed me and never called again

I read everything I had to and life is great now

not only that but I'm spreading the wealth

my best bud just called me today, telling me that I'm a genious as I helped him turn around his little relationship (the girl is on his balls)

I just wish there was someone to turn around mine.

but whatever.....Life's great

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Hold on DJ Belvidere, You are right, a man is responsible for his own existence and improvement but this must be put in perspective in the totality of the situation - I am referring to his prior posts!

I'm just giving perspective and not a solution!!

 

[belividere]

PRL,
I wasn't trying to come off as confrontational with my reply. But this post makes it sound as though workouter has come to terms with reality. I haven't read prior posts but it seems they are pointless at this point. Lets not have any care for what he may have been through but instead encourage him to re-control his life. If his motivation was a woman than he will most likely fail, but if his motivation is truely his own than he will succed. I may be slightly more optimistic than you are but to me the road to self discovery unveils its greatest secrets during the journey. How it is started or for that matter how it is finished teaches far less than what is learned in between. Basically the means justifies the ends vs. the ends justifying the means. Regardless of his past or present if workerouter is consistent on bettering his future he will learn and grow from it. That it was matters really. The now and the future.

Make love to the present and fvck the past.

 

[WORKEROUTER]

Thank you all.

My ex gf had been disrespecting me for a while, and I was too attached to break it off.

But I really am happy about the whole thing.
As an 18 year old dating this attractive 20 year old girl, I can't say I feel that bad about it all. I mean, she was a freakin virgin before I came along. There was an incredible amount of chemistry between us in the beginning, and we had a lot of great times. As I told her, I still feel strongly about her, but at the same time, I am willing to walk away if I see a situation is spiraling downward. Why salvage the relationship anymore? In my mind, it is too far gone, and I really don't appreciate the disrespect she's shown me.

I think what Puerto Rico Lover is saying is that one shouldn't gauge himself according to the reactions of a woman. And I fully agree--but the ironical thing is that I was doing precisely that by not being a man and putting her on the top list of my prioties.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Belvidere good post - but your last statement doesn't sit well with me!!!! "Make love to the present and fvck the past."

You see kid, your existence in the present is merely a conglomeration (gathering) of the past!!!) ;

Thus, your past defines the present!! Why ignore or cast out that which is the underlying root of what is??

To be exact, your past is who you are, considering that the present is merely a formation of that which which was!!

Dig?

The "present " is less than a nanosecond!!

The past is everything you are minus the nanosecond!!!

Understand??

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Originally posted by WORKEROUTER
.... I mean, she was a freakin virgin before I came along... .

Gulp,...... she was a virgin b4 she let you into her inner sanctum??

Hmmmm, that new knowledge may change my perspective on this whole siituation!!!

 

[belividere]

alright, whats up with the kid? You turning into pvssy-eater?

The past is who you were. Of course it wont go away but it is a summation of what has happened and if you are unhappy with it than it can be used as a guideline to insure it will not happen again. Wisdom comes from experience, not only your own but others too, and changing yourself needs to come from such wisdom. I honestly hope that workerouter truly follows what he says he will set out to do. The past cannot be altered and if he does not want to revert he needs to realize that statement and move forward. I agree the past defines the present though I think that the point that the present defines the future is more important.

In essence, the past gives experience to learn from though the present gives opportunity to grow from. Both are critical. Growing from the present is pointless unless the past is considered and dealt with. The past holds lessons that are definetly of importance. The present and future show a person what they have learned and what they need to re-learn. This is my basis for that statement. The past is there. It is gone. It is done. Nothing can change it. That doesn't matter. The future is there and is yours. The present determines the future. Learn from experience and determining you own future is invaluable. Embracing potential and maximizing it.

 

[belividere]

okay,
workerouter dont take this personally but you are definetly still wet behind the ears. You are two steps in front of most guys your age though so dont sweat it. I looked up your thread from yesterday and saw that your situation is a bit fresher and hairier than I first thought. Given that thread PRL has raised very valid points that you shouldn't dismiss.

On a bit of an off-topic rant. What the hell is the point of starting a new thread every day regarding an old topic. If all the threads on a single subject are linked together in a congruent fashion it is a hell of a lot easier to make an honest and critical evaluation that is actually helpful. The more informed the better the analysis.

 

[WORKEROUTER]

To PRL: How does her being a virgin change anything?

And Belividere: Could you please elaborate?

All I know is that I need to put this sh*t behind me and move on.

 

[WORKEROUTER]

Originally posted by PuertoRican_Lover
Gulp,...... she was a virgin b4 she let you into her inner sanctum??

Hmmmm, that new knowledge may change my perspective on this whole siituation!!!

How could that only be but a good thing? She had stayed a virgin for a long time because she's was just one of those girls. But when I came along, she eventually gave in.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Originally posted by WORKEROUTER
How could that only be but a good thing? She had stayed a virgin for a long time because she's was just one of those girls. But when I came along, she eventually gave in.

This is good!! This tells you that she is more inclined to be loyal and not cheat since she has high standards and resolve to keep herself for a "special" person (Although all hors start off as virgins).

Since you are the only one she allowed into her inner sanctum then this should be a special bond she has with you and thus since you are her "first" then she should be more forgiving of your errors unless it is something you did that was unforgiveable.

What you did was not unforgiveable if you weren't violent! You are a jealous type but you are not treacherous!

I'll finish my analysis on your other thread - don't start two threads on the same subject!


DJ Belvidere, yes - good perspective!!

 

[WORKEROUTER]

She's definately a girl of substance, and that's one reason why I was attached to her.

The problem was that my major weakness of jealousy (and acting impulsive occasionally) came out too much (not just in the incident where she and another guy were studying), and it caused our relationship to spiral downward.

Last night (albeit, in a partially drunk mood), I told her that I realize I have that weakness, but that I am getting a grip on it.

The point is that her interest level in me is LOW. Ya, sure, she has feelings, but they're a lot less than a while ago (f*ck, she thinks of me more "platonically" now....HENCE having sex about once a week rather than the initial multiple times per day!!!). And rather than try to increase her interest level, which I think is futile anyway, I decided to break it off with her. Ironically, even if one WANTED to raise a girl's interest level in him after having it decrease, I think going away for a while and ceasing contact is probably the best idea. She'll either realize she's made a mistake, or she'll just find someone else.