Finally figured it out after a year: I try too hard.

[Vice]

Every time I talk to a girl I always try to be ****y and funny, and most of the time I usually come off as arrogant and mean.

This explains why girls would shut down when I start sending them messages online.

Here's my most recent example of such message:

seems like our phones hate each other. mines been really antisocial lately.
anyway, lets hang out tomorrow before the next week starts.
if you have to work, make up some lame excuse as if you were flaking out on a lovable loser

flakey blakey

oh thats right, you dont want me calling you by your first name. "Miss Smith" sounds too cool for you, how about alexis?

Now that I look back, just about every thing I say to girls comes off as TOO ****y, and sometimes maybe too insulting (This explains why this girl hasn't talked to me in a few days).

has anyone who has overcome this problem want to help me out? I've started to chill out and just become cool and focus on having good conversation instead of trying to impress them all the time, and only be ****y and funny when an opportunity arises, instead of artificially trying to create it.

Here's one example:

Hey Rachel, it was fun meeting you the last night, and I'm glad we came to an agreement to who the elbow rest thing belonged to. Me.

I'm also glad that you're single, straight, and that you can cook and do the laundry

ohh I am sure that you are. Maybe you can buy me boots! Ha. ohh and that arm rest totally mine!!

maybe when you're doing the laundry you'll find enough money in my pockets to eventually buy some uggs

want to go salsa dancing some time? I promise I wont get mad if you step on my toes. I'll wear steel toe

haha ohh well thats an interesting offer. I suppose I could. I hope im a better dancer than you think.

I hope so too.
You free for it this Friday?

Nope ill be home. It's Thanksgiving Break I wont be back till Sunday night.

I forgot it's turkey week. the place probably wouldn't even be open this friday
we'd have to do this on wednesday night next week then. How's that sound?
and while you're at home ask your parents to buy you some boots so you can spend the change you find in my pockets on me

Maybe but the next two weeks are finals and i should really focus on my studies, but we will see. And you can keep your change and learn how to do your own laundry.

Me? Do my own laundry? lol i'd need to be trained for that
But hey, do what you want to do. I know finals can be stressful so it's cool if you can't make it, I can always find another partner

well im glad you have so much confidence in yourself ha.

Well I'm glad you noticed (No reply since)

And the last one, which was failed obviously because I didn't get ANY rapport LOL:

do I know you?

me and that girl met you at the library that one day with mystery girl!

Oh! You're the chick that pulled that laptop out of nowhere and then grilled me for details about my love life! I remember you guys!

haha whats up

noooo i was the other chick sitting next to you not across hahahhaha but the other one is my friend

Oh thats right, you were the one glaring at us while you tried to actually study! you gonna be a brain surgeon or something?

hahahah heck yes i am!


oh god. not another one.
anyway, ive got to head out the door.
whats a phone number I can reach you at so i can call you 20 times a day?

 

[SchoolBoy]

you need to build some rapport before you start acting like you're better than everyone. It's ok to be ****y/funny when you established you're higher value.

Also, it's not necessary to demonstrate ****y/funny in EVERY line. Do it when the opportunity arises.

Keep it natural you know what I mean?

 

[phenomenom]

Yeah like schoolboy said don't use C+F in every line cuz it comes off as trying too hard

If you're texting or messaging, C+F doesn't work that well. It works best when you're face-to-face and say it with a confident smile that let her know you're joking. And use it occasionally! Have a normal conversation going with her like you're good friends, and drop C+F lines every once in a while. And don't put all your focus on looking for a perfect opportunity, it'll only mess you up. Just converse and your instinct will tell you when to be witty.

 

[Vice]

Thanks guys.

Kind of a painful lesson, but that's the kind you learn most from.

Looks like I've spoiled the last dozen or so girls because of this.

 

[slaog]

Agreed with the C+F.


Also, you're way to quick to ask them out. Remember that they're looking for a high quality man. So if you were a high quality man you'd ask them a few questions about themselves first because you want to find out more about them if to see if you're going to ask them out. See the difference of doing that instead of asking them for dates straight away?


Also treat them like little girls. You can be your normal self and chat like an adult but remember that you're the man, you're the leader, you wear the trousers and you have high value.

 

[Vice]

Agreed with the C+F.


Also, you're way to quick to ask them out. Remember that they're looking for a high quality man. So if you were a high quality man you'd ask them a few questions about themselves first because you want to find out more about them if to see if you're going to ask them out. See the difference of doing that instead of asking them for dates straight away?


Also treat them like little girls. You can be your normal self and chat like an adult but remember that you're the man, you're the leader, you wear the trousers and you have high value.

Good stuff right here.

Looks like I'm missing a few of the very basic concepts here, maybe there's more that I'm struggling with and don't even know about it yet.

I'd give you some rep, but the site isn't letting me. I'm sure you don't care about it anyway. I really appreciate the help man.