Finally broke up w/ GF- Help me not digress

[joverby]

Some of you will know what a turbulent ride it's been with her already. 5 months into it, broke up one time already. On her accord. I called her shortly after, we got back together.

After that things are going alright, until I finally get fed up of not having sex that much and being denied. I say something, she just clams up. I call her later and am pretty pissed about the whole thing so I start it off with breaking up or hinting at it at least. We end the call after I pretty much break up w/ her and she hangs up.

Through text I find out she was molested when she was younger. At that point I am still firm on breaking up with her. She just pretty much guilt trips me about how I don't really love her because I was going to flake because I finally found out, and I didn't give her a chance. I do love the girl so I end up caving and staying with her.

After this I think I have a really hard time being fully into the relationship because I had already prepared myself to break up. That goes on for about another month. I ended up accussing of cheating on me(through some actions not just saying "you're cheating on me") She forgives me, because I honestly was just paranoid as fvck.(I have some serious insecurity issues)

Well last night I indirectly accused her of some sh1t again, but she's a smart girl and caught on. I did it because of lack of sex again mainly(Can't get the molestation thing in my head apparently but should I have to?) And her actions. (Hung out with her friend on her birthday all night and never returned my call w/ a text or anything that night or into the next day. Whens he was hanging out with her friend again she at least picked up after I was done w/ work.)She ends up freaking out on me. Tells me to come over to her house and get my sh1t.

I go over there, she's pissed that I don't care right away. But after I try to reconcile she just can't do it any more etc...Some of it like I said was about her just completely ignoring me on her friends B-Day, she came back saying she didn't have her phone and didn't get it till WAY later. I know she will freak out and drive back home if she realizes she doesn't have her phone, she's obsessed. Not to mention I'm pretty sure she updated her facebook in that time. Why am I so torn up over someone who I've caught lying about sh1t like that on a few occassions?

TLDR
-Just broke up after 5 months
-Said she still loves me but won't be the same(Becasue I accused her of something)
-Had reoccuring problems
-Caught her lying on a few occassions
-I'm insecure(Which has caused a lot of problems)
-Broke-up once already
-After I was about to break up with her(After we broke up the first time) it didn't really feel the same
-She was molested when she was a child, leading to intimacy / sex issues.(i.e. she didn't want to have sex really. Even though I banged her our 3rd time together)
-Anytime she has an issue or something bugging her it's almost impossible for her to talk about it and her feelings. Which is a problem for me because I am really open.

 

[Tiguere]

NC so you can remove the pain. Its time to heal and develop your game so you dont have to be an AFC and depend on just one single girl to get laid

 

[joverby]

Ya, think I should really delete her from my facebook when I get home. Don't need daily reminders of her.

It wasn't just about getting laid from her or not being able to get laid by other chicks. I just like to be committed when I'm in a relationship, because I expect the same back. But I will improve my game.

On my way to work this morning I almost sent her a desperation text. So glad I didn't.(Should probably delete her #) I sent her another mass text after she told me it wasn't going to be the same regretably. But I'm glad I get to keep some dignity.

Thanks for the words of encouragement.

 

[joverby]

Would appreciate anyone else's opinion too.

 

[bigneil]

I dated a girl (for about 6 months) who had been molested when she was 6 or so, and while she was extremely sexy and seductive, she genuinely never wanted to have sex with me. She would begrudgingly do it but would either say "hurry up", or "just go ahead and f*ck me if you want", or she would literally shut down (no matter how romantic or emotional she was just minutes earlier).

It practically destroyed my self-esteem, because I always figured if I were just better looking, etc. she'd be all over me. Especially since she had many partners before me.

I still think about her every day but these women are highly toxic to us.

As Louis/Copeland said (I paraphrase) "From time to time you will encounter women who do not want to have sex with you. Dump them immediately. Why would you ever want to spend time with a woman who doesn't want to have sex with you? Nothing will hurt your self-esteem more than that."

 

[joverby]

It does kill your self esteem. I thought the same sh1t. That she's just not attracted to me. She didn't shut down completely when I fvcked her though, but I could tell she was insecure about herself, never orgasmed though. Was a big red flag for me. She did squirt a few times though.

Also the last two times I fvcked her , she wasn't wet right away. She was normally wet before starting to eat her out. But I touched her pu$$y and it was dry as hell. Only started to get wet after I started to eat her out. And it would be hard for any chick to not get wet then.

IDK on that factor alone I am really just started to think it was fading attraction more than just the molestation, maybe a combo of the two. But she also stopped BC earlier that month because her peroids were getting really fvcked up and she had to stop for a month and restart the next to get it right again. So I had to fvck her w/ a condom(these were the two dry pu$$y times...sounds pretty fishy in retrospect)

Either way I think we had both been slowly withdrawing emotions before this happend. Me in particular. When I went to break up w/ her(even after she told me why she wasn't really into the sex / why she denied me) I ended up back tracking becasue I felt bad and cared for her. But after that moment it really wasn't the same for me being around her.

After our last fight she said she felt that way, loved me but it wouldn't be the same.(I accused her of something). But I am really starting to think she was on her way out anyway and that was just some icing on the cake. She was tearing up when I was leaving though but didn't fully break down.

 

[sinnerman]

that birthday sh*t was sort of a deal breaker. I too expect the full attention of my gal and get pissed off when she puts her friends above me. anyways you did the right thing. when i broke up with my last serious gf she said she still loved me but cannot continue as im moving away and her parents would not approve of us bla bla bla. best thing to do now is move on. dont delete her off, let her see that you're living well and she's missing out on all the fun and interesting things you do..don't burn the bridges. but yea do go NC.

 

[DMEDFISIK]

1) Insecurity is your worst enemy. Get rid of it or try to manage it.

2) The best way to get over someone is to cut them off in a nice and respectful way if they keep bothering you. Or just drop out of their lives. No stalking (either online or in real life), no calling, no facebook, etc. It's HARD, but I've done it successfully. You will feel pain, but pain is weakness leaving the body. Be strong.

3) Get better with women in general. An inner confidence and sincere awareness that in due time you CAN and WILL get the woman for you will make your mental state favorable. Trust me.

4) Work on yourself. Strive for near-daily improvement in all these areas (i) physical (e.g. fitness, style, etc.) (ii) intellectual (iii) social. I used adjectives here.

5) Never get into a relationship with a woman not giving the relationship what you expect. Be reasonable about what you desire in a woman, but still firm on the essentials.

Good luck.

 

[The_411]

You did the right thing.

Insecure or otherwise a woman who is molested and sexually frigid will ruin a relationship.

Rule of thumb is if there is molestation or father issues eject immediately. I know it's wrong to judge but you're make a decision that will save from wasting time in 9999/10000 cases.

Go NC think about your insecure points and work on them.

 

[joverby]

that birthday sh*t was sort of a deal breaker. I too expect the full attention of my gal and get pissed off when she puts her friends above me.

She has done this with the same friend before too. Like I said I know the phone line was BS too. She's lied about other stupid sh1t like that a couple times before(That I've caught onto at least).

I will work on my insecurity(I know I am but the way she always acted probably didnt' help that in the first place.) But I know if I had higher self esteem I wouldn't of stuck around if she was making it impossible for me to trust her. I just want to be sure it wasn't just my insecurity that wasn't allowing that. Kind of a vicious cycle.

Def going to just straight up run away if I see a cutter next time or anything like that. I felt bad for wanting to leave her after finding out she was molested and that's why she was like that but in retrospect I should've left before knowing the reason, based off her actions.

I won't delete her or stalk her, as that's one extreme of burning the bridge. Instead i'll just remain indifferent.(I did do some facebook stalking last night regretabley) I know it's not good for my mental health to do that so I really need to get some self control, or just not go on for a few more days maybe.

Thanks for your words / support guys. It's good to know you made the right choice. I almost broke down and texted her again, but I just have to remind myself of why we broke up / why it can't work out.

 

[sinnerman]

I won't delete her or stalk her, as that's one extreme of burning the bridge. Instead i'll just remain indifferent.(I did do some facebook stalking last night regretabley) I know it's not good for my mental health to do that so I really need to get some self control, or just not go on for a few more days maybe.

Thanks for your words / support guys. It's good to know you made the right choice. I almost broke down and texted her again, but I just have to remind myself of why we broke up / why it can't work out.

yea that facebook thing could upset you once in a while. i still have my ex on fb and we both check each other's profile (she has admitted it) from time to time. it doesn't affect me much anymore. but just today she changed her profile pic. it was one she had mms'd me a few months back when she had got a new top and wanted to show it to me. i was kinda taken aback thinking about it and her sharing it with the whole world..but then again i was like f**k it..shes not with me and im not gonna control her..and i left it at that..and yea i deleted that mms from my cell phone.

so don't beat yourself if you happen to check her profile or be upset with anything you see or text her when you're missing her..its bound to happen. just detach yourself from her..all the best and hang in there. !

 

[joverby]

Man. IDK why but I've been really missing her. Having dreams about her and everything. I've been thinking about calling her and seeing if she would want to go back out. I know it's not a good idea but even after I think about the bad sh1t something still makes me want her.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Just, Keep going no contact. It will take months but you will get over it. Trust me. It's hard now!

 

[joverby]

Thanks, I got close but didn't do it. I had her named pulled up on the contacts list but decided to hit my bro up to talk to him about it first. Then I just had to sit here for a while after my emotions simmered and remember all the times she lied to me(even about stupid ****) and how she would never open up about anything etc, and it makes it easier again.

I can't explain what keeps making me want her back. It's maddening. I did read someone else's thread (wish I could remember) where he talked about how the only way you could possibly get a girl back was by being indifferent. Throwing yourself at them just lowers your value and removes your challenge.

This is tough. I did slip up a little the other day and comment on one of her status updates. Nothing desperate or anything like that. But that's it. She did "like" it. I should probably delete her from there because it seems to just turn the blade a little more every time I see her on there w/ updates etc.