Final Straw?

[backbreaker]

Okay, I won't get into all the details about my oneitis, but let me put it this way, It's not even about dating her anymore.. would i **** her? yeah, and I let it be known, but I am not dying to have a chance with her or anything like that...

Anyway, we talk every once in a while now and then, and we havne't talked in a couple of weeks, so I sent her an email and I basically said, take the stick out of your ass and pick up the phone and call me, which of course, is a joke.

So she writes me back, telling me how it isnt' cute and how I have issues and blah blah blah.. so I write her back later saying that hey, it's a joke, you knew it was a joke, and if you didn't, that response still isn't called for. I then told her that becuase she is my friend, I will not say anything to hurt her feelings, because I was real close to putting her in her place, I was just not in the mood today.

so she writes back this long drawn out email, telling me, out of the complete blue, how nothing is going to change, how she hids things from me about her relationships to protect me, blah blah blah...

So I'm like.. how the **** did we go from a joke, to this ****? What does this, have to do with that?

I mean, like I said, attractive is attractive, I'll **** her brains out, but rather if i like her or not is mute, I tell her she is cute, because she is, but I don't want to date her, I haven't ever asked her out, even when I did like her like that.


Should I just move on and cut her out for good? I tried tohe friends route, it's just not working out.


She just recently got some new **** and I think she thinks I am expendable now, that might be what it is, and if it is, oh well, she really dosn't bring much to the table anyway besides nice leg

 

[backbreaker]

Okay, I won't get into all the details about my oneitis, but let me put it this way, It's not even about dating her anymore.. would i **** her? yeah, and I let it be known, but I am not dying to have a chance with her or anything like that...

Anyway, we talk every once in a while now and then, and we havne't talked in a couple of weeks, so I sent her an email and I basically said, take the stick out of your ass and pick up the phone and call me, which of course, is a joke.

So she writes me back, telling me how it isnt' cute and how I have issues and blah blah blah.. so I write her back later saying that hey, it's a joke, you knew it was a joke, and if you didn't, that response still isn't called for. I then told her that becuase she is my friend, I will not say anything to hurt her feelings, because I was real close to putting her in her place, I was just not in the mood today.

so she writes back this long drawn out email, telling me, out of the complete blue, how nothing is going to change, how she hids things from me about her relationships to protect me, blah blah blah...

So I'm like.. how the **** did we go from a joke, to this ****? What does this, have to do with that?

the real quesiton is, where does she still think I have it like that for her for, when I have moved on, moved on moved on, I rarely talk to her anymore, and we talk openly about our sex lives with other people... at leat I thought we did, well at least I did.

I mean, like I said, attractive is attractive, I'll **** her brains out, but rather if i like her or not is mute, I tell her she is cute, because she is, but I don't want to date her, I haven't ever asked her out, even when I did like her like that.


Should I just move on and cut her out for good? I tried tohe friends route, it's just not working out.


She just recently got some new **** and I think she thinks I am expendable now, that might be what it is, and if it is, oh well, she really dosn't bring much to the table anyway besides nice leg

 

[Da Realist]

The more ex's you have hanging around, the more problems you'll have later on with any other woman you date. Your ex-girlfriend is going to get jealous that you have moved on and will think that she has the right to control your relationship as well as the one she has with some other guy. Your new girlfriend will always think you're cheating with her and you'll have to end up getting rid of her too. Now you'll two ex's hanging around when you meet someone else, and it will just build up as time goes on. So just burn that bridge and move on.

 

[resilient]

Lingering ex's can bring baggage into the next relationship, especially if you or her still feel connected emotionally even though you admit you'd f* her, but not date her. There's still that emotional connection there regardless. Do you still want to feel restraint in your emotions when you're busy spinning new prospective plates?

Backbreaker....... you helped me out with my oneitis majorly the beginning of this year when I was a complete mess when I was unable to walk away from her and all the drama. However, it was the one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life. It was the best and healthiest thing to do. I found this site and began deep inner game work with every article ever writen on here and the DJ bible. I can honestly say I'm a new changed man with a positive set direction. Yeah I've been single and haven't gone on a date yet or got any action, but I'm patient and know good things will come in time after I focus on myself first.

I'm so much happier today that I've moved on without burning my bridges. I ended my relationship with flair and energy even after been cheated and had my heart ripped out and stomped by the guy that ran BFdestroyer on me and her constantly lying. She got controling that I walked away to that which was not good for me and turned bitter and began prank calling me at odd hours of the night seven months after the relationship! To which my only course of action w/o burning bridge was to change my # so she couldn't stalk me.

Back to your situation, if you're not prepared to burn the bridge then freeze her out and come back to a friendship when you're less emotionally attached. You can't control who she sleeps with and she can't control who you sleep with. If I were you, I'd move on with my life. The baggage ain't worth it.

 

[backbreaker]

Lingering ex's can bring baggage into the next relationship, especially if you or her still feel connected emotionally even though you admit you'd f* her, but not date her. There's still that emotional connection there regardless. Do you still want to feel restraint in your emotions when you're busy spinning new prospective plates?

Backbreaker, you helped me out with my oneitis majorly the beginning of this year when I was a complete mess when I was unable to walk away from her and all the drama. However, it was the one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life. It was the best and healthiest thing to do. I found this site and began deep inner game work with every article ever writen on here and the DJ bible. I can honestly say I'm a new changed man with a positive set direction. Yeah I've been single and haven't gone on a date yet or got any action, but I'm patient and know good things will come in time after I focus on myself first.

I'm so much happier today that I've moved on without burning my bridges. I ended my relationship with flair and energy even after been cheated and had my heart ripped out and stomped by the guy that ran BFdestroyer on me and her constantly lying. She got controling that I walked away to that which was not good for me and turned bitter and began prank calling me at odd hours of the night seven months after the relationship! To which my only course of action w/o burning bridge was to change my # so she couldn't stalk me.

Back to your situation, if you're not prepared to burn the bridge then freeze her out and come back to a friendship when you're less emotionally attached. You can't control who she sleeps with and she can't control who you sleep with. If I were you, I'd move on with my life. The baggage ain't worth it.

1. WE never actually dated. I won't expand, too complicated, too long, plenty of posts on here about her

2. I am not emotionally attached to her.. we hardly ever talk. This is the same thing she is saying, and quite frankly, it's irratating to keep hearing how emotionally involved with someone, when frankly I don't want/dream of presuing a relationship with her any longer than hat we have now. It's like no matter what comes out of my mouth, the response is that I am emotionally attached. I serously made a joke to her and got on her becuase she got on me for making it, and next thing you know.. BAM!! I hhave moved on a hell of a long time ago, yet she is the one who keeps telling me how things will be the way they are now. I never asked her.


How do you cut her out without necessarly burning a bridge? I'm a resorceful person, and I honestly don't hold any grudes against her, it's just that this is too much for a friendship. It's like she gets off on her thinking/knowing I like her, I find her attractive, which I will admit to, but I won't admit to having LTR feelings for her, because I don't.. there are a lot of women on earth I wouldn't mind ****ing but don't want to necessarly date, she is one of them

But I am starting to get the sense that our realtionship, whatever it is, is dragging me down, and that I won't stand for. I have spent too much engergy on this non problem today, for someone I am not ****ing.. even for someone I am ****ing that's too much energy.

 

[resilient]

Gotcha... well there's always the strip club. That'll help get your mind off her. Just don't blow a grand like you did on that last girl who sh!t test you a few months back. :crackup:

 

[backbreaker]

wait, let me tell you what pissed me off. She said that her and her ex/stalker had a lotof the same tendenices, we keep "following her around"..

I came real real close to loosing my cool, and at this point, I was like you know, it's not even wroth it anymore. I DON'T SEE HER!!! We might talk one time a week for 5 mintues. And i stree might. I will shot an email to say hi every couple of days or so. She calls me. I call her. She basically asks me to take her to the movies one day, which I didn't because I had a date. But yet I am stalking you?

It's like she is contacting me, keeping me in contact with her, which I have no problem with, just so she can say I am following her! What kinda ****ed up **** is that?

I am probably going to just have a sit down/phone call with her and say this isn't going to work.. maybe it's me, maybe it's you, but we aren't comptatable as friends, and wish her well, and be done with it.

 

[backbreaker]

Gotcha... well there's always the strip club. That'll help get your mind off her. Just don't blow a grand like you did on that last girl who sh!t test you a few months back. :crackup:

lol, I actually ran into her 2 weeks ago. She is almost homeless now, her lights got cut off and she is basically living with a good client of hers now. She's doing pretty bad.


I don't go to SC's much anymore, never really did all to often, but I haven't been in a while. I let me ego get in the way.. hey i'm human

 

[Da Realist]

How do you cut her out without necessarly burning a bridge?

I don't mean to be mean, but the reason she's still around is because you tried to let her go as easy as possible. That doesn't work for all women. Trust me. You don't have to be really harsh with her, but you got let her know you don't want to deal with her anymore. If you do, that's fine. If you don't want to continue your friendship, stop answering the phone when she calls, don't send her emails or respond to them, and as a last resort just say you want to stop everything as bluntly as possible; if you do the latter, you probaly won't have to worry with the phone calls ever again.

 

[backbreaker]

I mean, I would be lying if I said I tried to get rid of her as hard as I possibly could, because in all honestly I don't mind having her around... 80 perent of the time she's fun to talk to, we have alot of the same interests, etc.. it's the other 15-20% of the time that just makes it too much at times.

We have stopped talking numerous times but one way or another we would always end up talking again, usually if not always with her calling/emailing me for some reason or another, which makes it even worse, because she is contacting me, yet says that.

I just have this thing where I don't like cutting people out of my life unless it's 110% completely necessarly.. I just view that is unresourceful. However, it's coming to that point it looks like, she really adds no value to my life.. None. I was thinking about it last night, and I can say with complete honesty, if you gave me the chance to date her right now, I wouldn't... she has some things she has to prove to me first before I would even consider thinking about it.

 

[Ace of Flames]

I kinda have the same problem with this girl. I've made it clear that i dont want her anymore, that it isnt worth it, dont wanna go thru the crap anymore, you know. I've deleted her number, her screen name, everything. I dont make any effort to talk to her anymore. Yet still, every other week or so, I get an IM or something from her, and she's just happy to talk to me. She flirts a lot and everything, and when I say I'm not doing this again, she gets all dramatic. She's an attention ***** anyway, but still. It really is a similar situation to yours. I'd do her if I had the chance, but a relationship isnt gonna happen.

I've started to think that I'm like her little ego boost when she's down on her self-esteem. She knows I used to like her, I made quite the AFC effort, lol. I've learned since then, thanks sosuave, and I dont take her crap anymore. She'll pop up and start callin me sexy and various other things to try and coax some response outta me. I might mess with her, just to practice my flirting for a girl worth my time. Then the convo will take a turn, when she randomly brings up old times. I'll say again that I'm not interested, she'll get all drama queen, she'll sign off suddenly, and I'll blow it off, until 2 weeks later when she comes crawling back. Its a vicious cycle, really. For her...

So how to fix it? i dunno guy, i just sympathize with you. at the least, take advantage of it and have a little fun.

 

[backbreaker]

I mean, I'll be realistic. She's a cute/hot gal. Not saying that I am against all dating relationships with her, but, and these are my exact words I have told her, babe, I don't know you well enough to date you. I never begged to date you, all I wanted was the opprotunity to know you, and more importantly, for you to know me on that level. Yes, we have been "friends" since we were both 17, but knowing someone and KNOWING someone are two different things, if you get what i am saying.

The reason I said I don't want to date her is because, some of the traits that I see NOW are things that I don't think I would want/be able to deal with in a relationship, she is a little screwy when it comes to some things.. however, it could be just because it's me and she could treat her relationships better, however I doubt it.

With all of that said, regardless of what she says, it's my fault for absolutly blowing any chance I had (and I had one) when I was younger, I am paying for it now in spades. I am lucky enough to have gotten over it and have had some quality/nice ass since then, including now.

Also, this is way to much engery to spend on one girl, regardless of how hot I think she is, ***** at the end of the day is *****

 

[DJDamage]

How do you cut her out without necessarly burning a bridge?

Life is not perfect and sometimes bridges have to be burned. Your relationship with this girl is like an organism, (you created this thing) when the two of you were real close and everything seemed good, but alas you found out that being close to her brings you nothing but trouble so you distanced yourself from her ( You have began to starve the organism). Eventually the organism will turn against you as a result.

That is the problem with keeping friends with chicks. You become to close to her, you are in danger of devleoping oneitis and become one of her girlfriends. If you try to keep distance, the relationship cannot grow because there are just too many gaps in the time when the two of you mature and change.

Cut her loose, it doesn't have to be ugly. Just slowly stop answering her calls or her emails until she fades away. She will eventually understand you moved on and so will she. Eventually if she meets a real guy she likes, she won't even remember your name.

DJD

 

[backbreaker]

thanks for the advice man, it's wild.

I mean, deep down I know you are right, and I personality know the best decisions you make always aren't the easist decisions.

And I try to, but she keeps coming back. She sends letters, emails, calls, whatever untiL I finally return one, then Bam.

But what has to be done, has to be done. She needs to go and get her a guy she can have control over