Final exams, or Falling interest?

[Phyzzle]

Good news, she texted me apologizing for being "mean", and saying that she discovered she has strep throat & will be taking her last final on antibiotics. OK, but after finals, I'll have to explain to her that being tired & making no conversation is fine, but she shouldn't act like she's dumping me when she gets stressed, even badly so.

Recoiling from my touch and giving a litany of reasons she'll be too busy to see me for two weeks after finals - without being asked! - is like a dumping. Actions are all I look for, not the literal meaning of the words coming out of her mouth. Women are usually so simple if you don't listen to them! They always do what they feel like, then use their intellect to create some verbal construciton to justify what they just did.

I'll post back on what happens. She finishes saturday, then goes to a party (which I'm not invited to, hmm) and said maybe sunday we can hang out. I'll give her til sunday, then it's on. Or off.

~Phyzzle

 

[Weak_Game]

Party your not invited to? Red Flag. Why cant you go? Your her boyfriend right? Or is it because shes going to get hella drunk and have guys rub there bodies all over her. Or shes just looking for a new boyfriend and once shes found a guy worth her time she will drop you. Girls hate being alone. Why leave a failing relationship and be alone when you can work on a new one and leave the old behind...

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Well regardless of her text apologizing for her behavior, her interest level is still FALLING!! As Latinoman already pointed out, clean your act up bro! A dirty apartment is inexcusable, and gross!! Make some minor changes not for her but for yourself and don't stop being you!

Challenge is a great tactic to use to keep a woman's interest high but complacency seems to be your problem now. You've fallen into a pattern and your "gf" is getting bored with you. Change up your routine a bit and make sure your still going out with yoru friends to social gatherings to keep her in check. If she acts up again like this, break-up with her and tell her you will not tolerate such behavior. If that doesn't shape her up, let her go and enjoy being single for a while.



PIMP

 

[Latinoman]

Party your not invited to? Red Flag. Why cant you go? Your her boyfriend right? Or is it because shes going to get hella drunk and have guys rub there bodies all over her. Or shes just looking for a new boyfriend and once shes found a guy worth her time she will drop you. Girls hate being alone. Why leave a failing relationship and be alone when you can work on a new one and leave the old behind...

What do you think?

Personally, I would have thought that after such "stressful" time...she would celebrate with him! (after all, he is the one paying the consequences of her "stress").

But that's me.

I think some things should be done as couples (if the relationship is SERIOUS). Dancing and rubbing bodies is one of them. But maybe I'm a little old school...so. I don't know.

 

[Latinoman]

By the way..."recoiling at touch" is not cool. It is not acceptable either.

I think that there are times where women are experiencing stress in their lives. And the best thing is for them to let you know if they need some space (e.g. a few hours of you going somewhere and leaving them alone in the house or a day or two of her studying in her house without your presence). That's acceptable. But "space" does not translate into going drinking to bars without you or any of that manipulative non-sense.

I feel she needed space during exam week. Recoiling to a touch is mean and clearly shows low interest level. Trying to touch her for the intention to engage in sex during a highly stressful moment is also incensitive and shows lack of compasion from your part (something women notice a lot).

 

[WestCoaster]

Any time you have to scramble for affection, analyze behaviors, hope she comes around, and wonder why she's being mysterious, it's not worth the effort.

A relationship should be like an airline flight: it might get bumpy along the way, but the take-off and landings better be smooth!

 

[Good_ol_boy]

I'm wondering about those dozens of gals I see walk by my office who have boyfriends and keep them during and after finals week. Guess they're the keepers, right?

Absolutely!!! Rare birds indeed.

 

[speed dawg]

stick it out for a week and call her again like nothing's amiss.

No. Let her call you. SHE was wrong. SHE had the bad attitude. That quote showed how AFC you are. Finals are not the problem. Dude, my former oneitis wanted to break up with me for 2 months but couldn't do it. All of the sudden, when her bank she works for went thru a merger, she was soooo stressed out and soooo busy. Perfect excuse for her to ditch me, and I took the bait, and acted like you are doing. I'd say to myself, I'll wait three days and call her, then everything would be fine. Well, let's just say it didn't work. I could have saved myself a world of hurt if I'd made the right decision when I was at YOUR stage of the game.

Listen to the girl. She's telling you what to do. That's the way I take ********. They'll subtlely tell you to back off and quit being needy. The reason most guys don't or can't see the signs is because of their own emotional infatuation and lack of logic.

If she liked you enough, she'll keep you around during finals. Don't be naive. If she likes you just a little, maybe you're not worth keeping around, in her eyes.

Bottom line, back off NOW. DON'T CALL FOR AT LEAST 2-3 WEEKS, IF THEN.

 

[realsmoothie]

Oh, come on guys, give this lady a break.

Finals are brutal. I know personally, having been in school for five years now. When those tests and final papers come along, I start to get anxious, I lose sleep, I'm testy with friends, and anything wrong with my body gets worse.

Amazingly... the second they're over everything goes away.

I'd say wait it out. If she doesn't get better afterwards, then lose her. And if she does that again, she needs to learn that it's not OK to shut you out.

 

[speed dawg]

Oh, come on guys, give this lady a break.

Finals are brutal. I know personally, having been in school for five years now. When those tests and final papers come along, I start to get anxious, I lose sleep, I'm testy with friends, and anything wrong with my body gets worse.

Amazingly... the second they're over everything goes away.

I'd say wait it out. If she doesn't get better afterwards, then lose her. And if she does that again, she needs to learn that it's not OK to shut you out.

Finals aren't that bad. Gimme a break, I went to college for 5 years, I know all about finals. So the finals are soooo brutal that she'll be busy thinking about them for 2 weeks after they are finished? Open your eyes.

Unless you change, she's looking for somebody worth more to her than you are in her chick mind. I should start a new thread on all the bullsh1t that chicks used to tell me to make themselves feel less guilty and rationalize completely intolerant and stupid behavior. Damn I used to be a big AFC, and I don't wish it on anybody....

 

[grinder]

If you have given her time and slack and you aint in on the party, then you are OUT!

If finals are over and she aint grabbing your crotch in the Citi Bank waiting line, then make sure your checkbook is securely positioned in your safest pocket and SPRINT THE HELL OUT OF THERE and don't look back.

 

[WestCoaster]

I don't think the term "give this lady a break" is very applicable to this board!

 

[Marlimus]

"...And maybe she'll call you?"
She now dictates to you when she will feel like seeing you, taking for granted that you will want to see her.

Stress is no excuse to treat someone poorly, especially if they are your significant other. Her respect for you has declined. I was in a relationship with a woman who went to school full time while working at New York Port Authority 40 hours a week, and she never took it out on me, not even when she was close to graduation. People don't change when they are under stress, as a matter of fact, that is when you see who they really are.

A woman who respects you will not take out her frustrations on you and insult you. I strongly suggest that you take the initiative, and dump her.

Recoiling from your physical touch is a black flag. A recoil is a sign of revulsion. Don't give yourself time to think about it or change your mind. Just do it.

 

[Phyzzle]

She asked me to coffee today, and she was better: haggard like she should be, instead of vicious. I'm pretty confident that most of you guys were right: this isn't interest plummetting for no reason. This is a just weak ability to handle stress.

We agreed to hang on Sunday; I need to lecture her then on the difference between stressing and dumping. What she exhibited was dumping behavior, to an American like me.

I had one gf for two years, who one day got pretty btchy, and after a week stopped answering her phone. That was it. That was the breakup. Girls have an innate terror of telling a guy she's no longer interested, hence the LJBF and the "slowing down for a while".

She does seem interested in seeing me Sunday. If things go back on track this week, I'll start a thread on how basic DJ wisdom jacked this girl's interest into the stratosphere. I've had much longer LTR's, but this one is certainly the most successful. . . . I just hope she lightens up a little!
~Phyzzle

 

[dietzcoi]

Phyzzle, you are headed down chump alley!!

If you are not invited to her party on Saturday... dump her! Why are you letting her string you along until she finds a new boyfriend? she is just grabbing for a new branch!

What type of fool's game are you letting her play??

Ridiculous!

DIetzcoi

 

[speed dawg]

She asked me to coffee today, and she was better: haggard like she should be, instead of vicious. I'm pretty confident that most of you guys were right: this isn't interest plummetting for no reason. This is a just weak ability to handle stress.

We agreed to hang on Sunday; I need to lecture her then on the difference between stressing and dumping. What she exhibited was dumping behavior, to an American like me.

I had one gf for two years, who one day got pretty btchy, and after a week stopped answering her phone. That was it. That was the breakup. Girls have an innate terror of telling a guy she's no longer interested, hence the LJBF and the "slowing down for a while".

She does seem interested in seeing me Sunday. If things go back on track this week, I'll start a thread on how basic DJ wisdom jacked this girl's interest into the stratosphere. I've had much longer LTR's, but this one is certainly the most successful. . . . I just hope she lightens up a little!
~Phyzzle

I look forward to your post in two weeks titled, "What should I do? Is she playing games????"

Chump

 

[Lars Porsenna]

Good and insightful analyzing up to now.

But I think one important angle has been left out up to now. You write that she is not american, and all analyses up to now have taken into view a girl with a fully american socialisation.

So we need more information about her cultural background. Where is she from - South America? Some patriarchal society with strong male role models? I dont know nothing at all about South American women, could not be of any help then, but if she was brought up in a society that was not pussified, we would have to look at her differently.

But not going with you to that party is a real bad flag, wherever she may be from....

 

[Phyzzle]

I look forward to your post in two weeks titled, "What should I do? Is she playing games????"

Lord I hope not! It's my belief now that truly *interested* chicks never play games at all: they don't have the self control to act uninterested when they're interested! Sure, they can talk a good game, but when it comes to actions, this girl had high interest. I mean, 2 weeks ago, she walked to my house in 40F rain with a backpack and 2 grocery bags full of food and cooking pots (I just moved to that country) and put on high heels to cook me a 5 star meal, so we're talking

HIGH INTEREST!

This is happening in New Zealand. Think England in the 1950's, plus a small rave scene. She's going to a goodbye dinner at a pub for a friend, not an end of semester house party. I'm thinking a bunch of people I've never met sharing gossip on people I've never heard of for 3 hours. It isn't her gathering, and it isn't her place to invite me. Still, if she really missed me after finals . . . :crazy: Oh, it's better just to stop thinkning about it til tomorrow, then see if she somehow tries to flake. What we know now is way to vague to see if I'm being chumped.
~Phyzzle

 

[cordoncordon]

MY analysis.....

There is no doubt in my mind that she has lost some interest in you. Why? Who knows. People change for all kinds of reasons. I consider myself to be a reasonable, laid back, non flakey type of guy. I have a gf who I love a whole lot, but even I for whatever reason the last two days had some small feelings of losing interest in her, even though nothing has happened, and I would NEVER want to lose her. Its just a stage, a phase, normal feelings people go through. Call it boredom, grass is greener, whatever. Today I am back to normal and feel like my old self again.


So, taking that approach, her feelings for you, especially being new in a relationship, are apt to ebb and flow now and then. I do think she is exhibiting typical girl behavior in that girls feel like they can act all *****y and cruel, then use the excuse of their period, or stress, or in this case finals, and expect everything to be alright. Typical woman behavior. We either deal with it, or we don't.

I think your girl has fallen slightly below the normal ebb and flow though, not to the point where she wants to end things with you, but maybe to the point where YOU need to show a little restraint in your actions towards her to bring her back into line. Its a shame we have to play these little "games" now and then, but we do.

I would not call her between now and when you see her, and when you do, and this is absolutely crucial, act like you are in the best mood and and having the time of your life. Even if you have to make something up, tell her what a great time you had doing "whatever" while she was at the party. If she calls from the party or after, dont answer. Act like you have all these things planned for the next few days that DON'T include her. But again, BE FRIENDLY!!! But not overly romantic. Don't call her for a week or two. ACT AS IF!!!!!>>>you are having the best time of your life doing whatever you are doing.

See if this helps, and if she comes back in a few days, which I believe she will, acting like her old self, continue with this behavior I have outlined for you but to a lesser extreme, and i doubt you will have this problem again.

Good luck.

 

[Phyzzle]

It's finally over (really wierd breakup)

Sunday night (last night here), she was supposed to come over in the early evening, but instead came at midnight, slightly buzzed, saying she had locked herself out of her house. I then asked what she was doing trying to get into her house, since she was supposed to be here at my house, like, hours ago. She said that she forgot(!) we were hanging out toninght, since she was so exhaused from clubbing with her friends til 4 am the night before! Then she started apologizing for being so btchy to me recently, saying that her clinical depression she had in high school was recurring. I said, " you're not too depressed to go partying two nights in a row, you're just too depressed to be nice around me. You know what that makes you?", "What?", "My Ex". I said to get her pile clothes and stuff outta there NOW.

I was pretty ticked about being stood up on top of all the other jerking me around. Alas, it was the end of the school year, and she didn't have any friend's house in the city she could go to. So, I wondered if I were a big enough azzhole to send her into the freezing weather for the next 8 hours. No, I relented, and she spent the night in my bed.

Well, I had my 1st breakup sex. She said we were getting too full on, moving 2 fast for her. What a nutjob. This is the girl who asked me out nearly every day (I had to refuse her half the time). She's given me half the utensils in my house, and a cameraphone (wants me to keep it). She cooked, cleaned, and insisted on cutting my toenails at one point. She was begging to move in with me, and twice dropped the 'm' word.

With all the explosive interest, smarts, beauty, no kids, no meds, I was thinking marriage material. Now I suspect the whole relationship was some spazzy illusion to rebound from the only real bf of her 23 years, some guy who dumped her a few months ago when she moved to the south island.

I hope you guys get a laugh out of this. Thx for your advice. I'm convinced there's nothing I could have done differently to hold it together.