"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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Filtering process visualized

Pumax

Don Juan
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This is something I've been working on. It represents the filtering process that a man and a woman would use when they consider someone as a potential partner.

In the "man" and "woman" columns are the current traits or actions that contribute to their image and qualities (owning their own sh1t), or like they abbreaviate this in the SMV term.

Then, there is the blue line that follows the man's thought process, and the red line that follows the woman's.

You can see how the qualities of a man or a woman, in reality, are not seen for what they truly are, but instead contribute to building the two more internal columns.

To give you an example, a woman will notice that you go to the gym, dress well, and maintain a healthy diet, which she associates with a sense of style, self-care, and diligence. However, she won't see your inner motivation for enjoying these activities or the adrenaline rush and emotions they evoke in you. Also, she will see how your friends and other treats you, or how you much you're kind to others. How many female friends You have and How your family is built. What she will see is that You will have or not, social proof, validation and other qualities.

This internal column represents the "shell," or what others see, and it's something we must also learn to observe in ourselves, as if we were viewing ourselves from a third-person perspective. Doing this periodically, perhaps once a month or once a week, will forever change how you perceive yourself in the social "market."

Ultimately, you will have gained an understanding of how others see you! This shouldn't make you insecure or focused on seeking external validation, but rather more confident in eliminating certain things from your life to focus on others that genuinely validate you from within and allow them to shine uniquely. For instance, a friend of mine is an excellent fisherman, and the internal validation he receives from this activity is evident when he shares it with a room full of people. He is magnetic.

Then, there are three checkpoints for different stages of a relationship:
the STR qualification, the LTR qualification, and the final qualification for beign a good match.

I would appreciate hearing your opinion and exploring how this idea can be developed further.


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"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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