Hi!
This is for all you guys who feel EMPTY inside your heads when you are in the mids of the conversation. I used to feel this myself occasionally.
First of course nothing beats having active social life, having hobbies and being passionate about something. You shouldn't feel empty if there are so many sources to talk about. In case you still do or just don't have all those then read on.
Here are some of the main things I have used to overcome the feeling of having nothing to say.
#1. Do something physical. You hear this a lot in this forum and it IS very important. When your body feels good then your mind will also feel good. You feel the energy and you naturally feel how to vibe.
Also stop masturbating so often. This is important to achieve first. Wanking kills the social vibe. 2-3 times a week is enough if you are into that. You can control yourself, so make a consciouss decision stop it. When you feel the urge then go to do something physical.
#2. Open & vibe. This is the basic structure of the conversation. You can open the topic about anything. Have no transitions between topics, just reopen anytime you want a new topic. The rest is just vibing and flowing. If you are used to feeling empty then the opening is likely the hardest part. This is because of the habit of passivity or you feel that anything you say will be interpreted as trivial or uninteresting. Get over this. Use everything I share with you here and this feeling will go away. Also read the Tyler Durden's post "Social Intelligence - vibing ".
#3. No questions. I used to ask a lot of questions. I couldn't contribute to the discussion so I asked questions instead. Stop asking questions. You don't need to ask about anything (except "how are you" which is polite to ask). Every question you want to ask can be formed into a statement. Get this one down and you are doing very well already because you start to have opinions. Read what Juggler says about this. You LEAD the conversation by making statements.
To get you started into this here are examples how you can use this:
- Tell what you think/like about something.
- Tell someone reminds someone.
- Imagine a scenario and tell what you would do.
Once you get this down really well you also start to sound ASSERTIVE. Google that and read what is said about that.
Another great thing with statements is that you can quite naturally move into the qualificating other person (if that is part of your game as it is mine): "I like girls who can cook... You know that is the most important skill girl must have... Food is love... You look like you can cook" etc.
#4. Setting the right dynamic for the discussion. Once you have opened and made some statement stop talking. This prevents the other person from going into a trance state which happens when someone speaks a lot. While in a trance state person won't do any talking and their brains go zombie. You want equal amount of talking. You open, make a statement and WAIT for response. Also be careful not to go into a trance yourself, interrupt & reopen if you feel this.
Some people just aren't good conversationalists, they reply with smile or just simply agree. Don't take this as a sign of boredom. Expand with one or two more statements and if there is no equal sharing then reopen a new topic. If you see the other person isn't much of a talker or on a mood you can set the mood. I want to have something out of people so dealing with others blankness is something I have learned. Here are the ways I do this:
- Turn the topic into relationships or sex. Girls who are blank usually have more to say about these.
- Start to bust the other person with C&F.
- Take the game more onto a physical level while teasing (C&F/neg).
#5. Frames. Chick frames, game frames, AMOG frames. I hope you already know about these. These are like the engine of attraction. Incorporate these into your game and I guarantee the discussions you'll be having gets interesting.
First, frames have everything to do with the perception. We each see the world little differently. When you use frames you actively give meanings to actions other person does. For example the girl touches her hair. If you are not controlling the act of framing your mind will control it. It can assign a weak frame where you interpret the touching as the girl being bored with you. These little things can make you uncomfortable and throw out of the game. Good frame is to interpret everything as a sign of interest. Read what Swinggcat has to say about frames.
Chick frames. These are used against you. Some chicks have perception that they are the center of the universe and you are just another of their humble servants. Their frames try to imply this metaframe. Chicks will throw you stupid **** like asking you to buy them a drink. They will tell you look funny or they judge something about you so you would start to revalidate yourself. These are called also as chick tests. This is their game. Their frames against your frames.
Game frames. These are how you interpret the world. Make everything imply that you are the prize. First, you can steal the chick frames and use their own game against themselves. It's really fun. Have frames like "I'm great", "You want me", "You are a trouble" or "You are silly" in your mind. Then fit her actions into these and tell what you think.
AMOG frames. These are used against unfriendly/hostile males which you cannot or are unwilling to befriend with. In short there are couple really effective frames you can put their actions into. First (this one is harsh use only if you are big and strong like me), frame their actions to imply homosexuality. Second one which I prefer is to frame their actions as seeking approval. Tell them that they don't need to prove anything to you (or his crew or the chicks around). Don't say these with serious face. Remember, AMOG frames can get you beaten up and even killed so use your judgement first.
#5. Dealing with the tests. Chicks and people in general DO test you. Wether they do this consciously or unconsciously isn't important. They just want to see how much in control you are of your reality. They test if they can OWN you. Once you show that you know how to be assertive people will give you respect and not try to use you. This is so basic that it must be adressed here. Part of feeling empty may be rooted to the inability to deal with people's tests and thus having the feeling people are bad because they just want to use you. This leads to bad things like passivity.
Basic rule of the thumb that I use is not to ever address the test/question in the same frame it is asked. Reframe everything with some of your game frames. Another effective way is just to laugh to the question and/or completely ignore it. Whatever you do, don't give away your personal power.
#6. Relax, have fun, be positive. Talking shouldn't be serious. Every topic can be turned into a vibing. You can open with boring topic and turn the discussion into something more fun. Always put your body in the most relaxed position and lean BACK. Slower your movements. Don't talk too fast. Even when you are feeling empty you are still relaxed and others can enjoy your company. ONLY when you are relaxed you can really feel the vibe.
#7. Use C&F. ****y and funny from David Deangelo. This isn't something to put your entire focus into first but it is a good tool in the opening and vibing. This is also great when used together with framing.
#8. Interpret everything to have a sexual meaning. You may start sound like a pervert to others but they will still like you. The important thing to remember is not to give sexual meaning directly just let them understand how you interpreted it. A knowing smile and a nod is sometimes enough said. When the thoughts are colored with sexuality you feel more alive and thus feel to have much more to contribute.
#9. Have basic topics to talk about. These must be something that people generally enjoy to talk about. I talk about travelling, human relationships, sex, psychology, food and parties. Turn discussions into these or similar you like. It's hard just to start talking about food. Have some perspective to talk about something. For example you can talk about food from the psychology's point of view (or any others from that list or outside it).
If you think this is hard then try it yourself. Pick one topic of the list I gave to you. This is the topic you will talk about. Then pick another topic from the list. This is the point of view you use to talk about the chosen topic. Now write what ever comes into your mind. Change the point of view and see how much you can get out from yourself.
#10. Practise. First it is a good idea to test and sharpen these skills in an environment like internet chats/IMs. Then go out in the real world. Practise is everything. So go suck that vibe and play with it.
These are my main tools which I use and I don't feel stuck in the conversations anymore. I'd like to hear if you have more to share about the topic.
Cheers.
This is for all you guys who feel EMPTY inside your heads when you are in the mids of the conversation. I used to feel this myself occasionally.
First of course nothing beats having active social life, having hobbies and being passionate about something. You shouldn't feel empty if there are so many sources to talk about. In case you still do or just don't have all those then read on.
Here are some of the main things I have used to overcome the feeling of having nothing to say.
#1. Do something physical. You hear this a lot in this forum and it IS very important. When your body feels good then your mind will also feel good. You feel the energy and you naturally feel how to vibe.
Also stop masturbating so often. This is important to achieve first. Wanking kills the social vibe. 2-3 times a week is enough if you are into that. You can control yourself, so make a consciouss decision stop it. When you feel the urge then go to do something physical.
#2. Open & vibe. This is the basic structure of the conversation. You can open the topic about anything. Have no transitions between topics, just reopen anytime you want a new topic. The rest is just vibing and flowing. If you are used to feeling empty then the opening is likely the hardest part. This is because of the habit of passivity or you feel that anything you say will be interpreted as trivial or uninteresting. Get over this. Use everything I share with you here and this feeling will go away. Also read the Tyler Durden's post "Social Intelligence - vibing ".
#3. No questions. I used to ask a lot of questions. I couldn't contribute to the discussion so I asked questions instead. Stop asking questions. You don't need to ask about anything (except "how are you" which is polite to ask). Every question you want to ask can be formed into a statement. Get this one down and you are doing very well already because you start to have opinions. Read what Juggler says about this. You LEAD the conversation by making statements.
To get you started into this here are examples how you can use this:
- Tell what you think/like about something.
- Tell someone reminds someone.
- Imagine a scenario and tell what you would do.
Once you get this down really well you also start to sound ASSERTIVE. Google that and read what is said about that.
Another great thing with statements is that you can quite naturally move into the qualificating other person (if that is part of your game as it is mine): "I like girls who can cook... You know that is the most important skill girl must have... Food is love... You look like you can cook" etc.
#4. Setting the right dynamic for the discussion. Once you have opened and made some statement stop talking. This prevents the other person from going into a trance state which happens when someone speaks a lot. While in a trance state person won't do any talking and their brains go zombie. You want equal amount of talking. You open, make a statement and WAIT for response. Also be careful not to go into a trance yourself, interrupt & reopen if you feel this.
Some people just aren't good conversationalists, they reply with smile or just simply agree. Don't take this as a sign of boredom. Expand with one or two more statements and if there is no equal sharing then reopen a new topic. If you see the other person isn't much of a talker or on a mood you can set the mood. I want to have something out of people so dealing with others blankness is something I have learned. Here are the ways I do this:
- Turn the topic into relationships or sex. Girls who are blank usually have more to say about these.
- Start to bust the other person with C&F.
- Take the game more onto a physical level while teasing (C&F/neg).
#5. Frames. Chick frames, game frames, AMOG frames. I hope you already know about these. These are like the engine of attraction. Incorporate these into your game and I guarantee the discussions you'll be having gets interesting.
First, frames have everything to do with the perception. We each see the world little differently. When you use frames you actively give meanings to actions other person does. For example the girl touches her hair. If you are not controlling the act of framing your mind will control it. It can assign a weak frame where you interpret the touching as the girl being bored with you. These little things can make you uncomfortable and throw out of the game. Good frame is to interpret everything as a sign of interest. Read what Swinggcat has to say about frames.
Chick frames. These are used against you. Some chicks have perception that they are the center of the universe and you are just another of their humble servants. Their frames try to imply this metaframe. Chicks will throw you stupid **** like asking you to buy them a drink. They will tell you look funny or they judge something about you so you would start to revalidate yourself. These are called also as chick tests. This is their game. Their frames against your frames.
Game frames. These are how you interpret the world. Make everything imply that you are the prize. First, you can steal the chick frames and use their own game against themselves. It's really fun. Have frames like "I'm great", "You want me", "You are a trouble" or "You are silly" in your mind. Then fit her actions into these and tell what you think.
AMOG frames. These are used against unfriendly/hostile males which you cannot or are unwilling to befriend with. In short there are couple really effective frames you can put their actions into. First (this one is harsh use only if you are big and strong like me), frame their actions to imply homosexuality. Second one which I prefer is to frame their actions as seeking approval. Tell them that they don't need to prove anything to you (or his crew or the chicks around). Don't say these with serious face. Remember, AMOG frames can get you beaten up and even killed so use your judgement first.
#5. Dealing with the tests. Chicks and people in general DO test you. Wether they do this consciously or unconsciously isn't important. They just want to see how much in control you are of your reality. They test if they can OWN you. Once you show that you know how to be assertive people will give you respect and not try to use you. This is so basic that it must be adressed here. Part of feeling empty may be rooted to the inability to deal with people's tests and thus having the feeling people are bad because they just want to use you. This leads to bad things like passivity.
Basic rule of the thumb that I use is not to ever address the test/question in the same frame it is asked. Reframe everything with some of your game frames. Another effective way is just to laugh to the question and/or completely ignore it. Whatever you do, don't give away your personal power.
#6. Relax, have fun, be positive. Talking shouldn't be serious. Every topic can be turned into a vibing. You can open with boring topic and turn the discussion into something more fun. Always put your body in the most relaxed position and lean BACK. Slower your movements. Don't talk too fast. Even when you are feeling empty you are still relaxed and others can enjoy your company. ONLY when you are relaxed you can really feel the vibe.
#7. Use C&F. ****y and funny from David Deangelo. This isn't something to put your entire focus into first but it is a good tool in the opening and vibing. This is also great when used together with framing.
#8. Interpret everything to have a sexual meaning. You may start sound like a pervert to others but they will still like you. The important thing to remember is not to give sexual meaning directly just let them understand how you interpreted it. A knowing smile and a nod is sometimes enough said. When the thoughts are colored with sexuality you feel more alive and thus feel to have much more to contribute.
#9. Have basic topics to talk about. These must be something that people generally enjoy to talk about. I talk about travelling, human relationships, sex, psychology, food and parties. Turn discussions into these or similar you like. It's hard just to start talking about food. Have some perspective to talk about something. For example you can talk about food from the psychology's point of view (or any others from that list or outside it).
If you think this is hard then try it yourself. Pick one topic of the list I gave to you. This is the topic you will talk about. Then pick another topic from the list. This is the point of view you use to talk about the chosen topic. Now write what ever comes into your mind. Change the point of view and see how much you can get out from yourself.
#10. Practise. First it is a good idea to test and sharpen these skills in an environment like internet chats/IMs. Then go out in the real world. Practise is everything. So go suck that vibe and play with it.
These are my main tools which I use and I don't feel stuck in the conversations anymore. I'd like to hear if you have more to share about the topic.
Cheers.
