Figuring out what YOU want

[JackBauer24]

I think society sends mixed messages. On one hand, if you watch movies, especially any movies with romance in them, they give you a false impression of romance. For instance, in the movie One Fine Day with George Clooney and Michelle Pfeiffer, Clooney tells Pfeiffer casually that she's the most beautiful girl he's ever seen. You see a guy that women find attractive like Clooney saying something like this, and having it work, and you get the impression that this is the way you should act in real life around a woman. Another good example is Cruel Intentions, where Ryan Phillippe falls in love with Reese Weatherspoon (nothing wrong with that) and after he screws up sends her romantic letters saying things like "I don't know how I can rectify the pain I've caused you."

Applying this to my own life, I'll keep the story short. A girl liked me in high school (I was a junior, she was a sophomore). I didn't have any interest in her, but talked to her because I liked the fact that she liked me. Fast-forward to senior year. She finds out that I'm "unpopular" and wants nothing to do with me, only she's two-faced about it, pretending to be my friend to my face, and making fun of me behind my back in a desperate attempt to be "popular." For example, she gave me her number without me even asking for it the previous year, so I call her and we talk on the phone for about 10 minutes, and she tells people "I don't know how he got my number or why he keeps calling me." Long story short, for some reason I thought I was in love with her. I wasn't even attracted to her looks, and didn't even know her as a person, I just saw one too many romantic movies and thought she was "the one." And of course, liked the fact that she wasn't interested in me and "the chase." I spent months thinking I had feelings that I didn't have, being depressed over nothing. Sending her emails telling her how much I liked her because I saw it in Cruel Intentions and other movies.

The other message society sends is that women are somehow untouchable and inaccessible, that sex is somehow the best thing in life and the goal of life especially if you're male. Since people are initially subtle about sexuality and don't go around talking about "shagging" like in Austin Powers movies, it makes you as a guy want it more. For a guy like myself that had no interaction with girls (other than AFC moments like the one mentioned before) and saw other guys hanging around with and probably banging the hotter girls, it made something desirable even more desirable. You start to wonder "what would it be like to have sex with that girl?" Nothing wrong with that, except you're putting the p*ssy on a pedestal.

This site is about breaking AFC habits, like obsessing over one girl or telling a girl you don't even know how much you love her, but it also helps create another. Most guys on this board, even the ones getting laid, aren't happy with their lives, otherwise they wouldn't be here. They pretend they just want one night stand after one night stand, but if that were the case, why would they be so bitter over women?

For me, I now know that Hollywood and society preaches a lot of bulls*it about romance, but I also know that it doesn't necessarily mean that liking one girl and wanting to be one girl at a time kind of guy isn't a bad thing. It's the AFC behavior, putting her on a pedestal that's the problem.

I also know that sexual inexperience doesn't necessarily equal sexual desperation. I've had opportunities in the past that I turned down because I wasn't interested in having sex with the girl. Yet all I think about during the day is the fact that I've never got laid. If society didn't place an emphasis on a guy being a virgin at an age like mine, would I care about it? Probably not.

My point is, figure out what YOU want, not what society wants you to do. If you want a girlfriend, no problem with that. If you want to have meaningless sex, no problem with that either as long as you aren't just doing it to avoid getting hurt.

 

[Interceptor]

Good stuff, Jack.

 

[thehexman]

See this excerpt from a post I made in another thread.
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?p=1306039#post1306039
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Fact is, there is one thing that SS has going for it: essentially, it does not teach pickup. It teaches how to improve yourself, get that sh1t together and lastly how to get women attracted to you. That's it. If there is anything to be learned here, is that every man can live to his maximum masculinity and success if he is willing to work for it. Now notice I said "to his maximum"!. Every guy here is going to end at another level, because every guy here ultimately will want something else. Some guys here don't feel comfortable spinning plates. Others want kids, others don't, etc etc etc.
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I can relate to a ton of the stuff you said. I turned down opportunities for sex as well, for one part because I was AFC but also, and this is what I am actually proud of, because I didn't subscribe to the notion that that is what all the guys are doing. I kind of felt beforehand that I would sell myself out.

If there's anything to be learned here, it's that you need to figure out want you want and go for it. If not, you will probably live your life in quiet desperation.

 

[JackBauer24]

"If there's anything to be learned here, it's that you need to figure out want you want and go for it. If not, you will probably live your life in quiet desperation."

Exactly, and it's something that sounds easy, but it takes a lot of time and introspection.

 

[Interceptor]

Fact is, there is one thing that SS has going for it: essentially, it does not teach pickup. It teaches how to improve yourself, get that sh1t together and lastly how to get women attracted to you. That's it. If there is anything to be learned here, is that every man can live to his maximum masculinity and success if he is willing to work for it.