Fighting with my mother a lot. I completely exploded. I feel like I'm gonna kill someone.

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

I'm glad your mom is doing better, Neil, my best wishes for her. I try to always disagree with you, just as a general policy, but even you occasionally says things which do not bear argument. Honor thy mother and father is a commandment for a reason - it's fvcking hard to do. If it was easy, it wouldn't be a commandment.

To the OP, your mother was abused; that's why she abuses you. That doesn't make it ok. The reason that this point is relevant is that, in probably just a few years, you are very likely to be a parent yourself. Or maybe you won't, and just be in a relationship. Either way, your mother's abuse has the chance to manifest itself again in your life by making you abusive to others. If she beat you as a kid, it's going to be hard for you to not beat your own wife or kid. That's the cycle.

On the bright side, abuse makes you tough. I know that from experience. You're not the only one who has these things happen with their family. A lot of us lived through similar hell growing up. Then you go out on your own and get away from it. And on thanksgiving and Christmas, everyone pretends none of it ever happened, and then you go back to ignoring each other for the rest of the year.

I saw the telltale signs of abuse continuing with me when I was 13 or 14. I stopped it. By 15 I completely eradicated that part of me. And yeah you are very right in your last paragraph. It does make you tougher I suppose which would explain why I've never really gotten a broken heart from 'being in love', even when I was a whipped chump.

 

[BeExcellent]

Hang in there. PM @TheProspect and learn not to react.

Emotionally out of control people are easily manipulated people. Remember that. Work on internal control.

You cannot control her behavior but you absolutely can control yours...and you must.

I'm in your corner & having been emotionally abused by my mom myself...I understand the anger. Let. It. Go.

I so respect your willingness to be real here. Tie a rope & hang on. You WILL survive. You WILL thrive.

 

[logicallefty]

How old is your mom today?

I hate to hear this. Watch the spitting on family members as thats domestic battery in Illinois where i am, and if i recall, so are you.

What she is doing to you now is more abuse. This is actually a worse situation than a crazy b!tch you are dating because it's your mother the last fvcking person you would expect to treat you like this.You have got to get out, at least temporarily! I would go stay with a buddy or grandparent or something for a couple weeks and cool off. But make sure you write her and your dad an email or something else in writing saying that you're not moving out permanently but just staying away for a while trying to give each other space. Otherwise she could say you moved out and call the cops when u try to return. And if ur 18+ then legally you wouldn't be able to come back.. Even just to get ur stuff if she didn't want you to. You have to cover your azz with people like this even when they are family.

The good news is "this too will pass". Everything will work out.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

How old is your mom today?

I hate to hear this. Watch the spitting on family members as thats domestic battery in Illinois where i am, and if i recall, so are you.

What she is doing to you now is more abuse. This is actually a worse situation than a crazy b!tch you are dating because it's your mother the last fvcking person you would expect to treat you like this.You have got to get out, at least temporarily! I would go stay with a buddy or grandparent or something for a couple weeks and cool off. But make sure you write her and your dad an email or something else in writing saying that you're not moving out permanently but just staying away for a while trying to give each other space. Otherwise she could say you moved out and call the cops when u try to return. And if ur 18+ then legally you wouldn't be able to come back.. Even just to get ur stuff if she didn't want you to. You have to cover your azz with people like this even when they are family.

The good news is "this too will pass". Everything will work out.

I hope you are right.

She is a month and a half away from 50. And yeah we live in IL. She wouldn't call the police unless I actually harmed her because we have too much to pit against her, even my dad has been extremely irritated with her the past year. He kept on telling me "don't disrespect her. Don't think of her as your mom, think of her as my wife". And I said that it's because I respected her status as my mother, that I did not hurt her. Any other person would. And since then he hasn't really talked to me about her. I'm surprised honestly. He just seems to be completely ignoring me. I don't want to move with an aunt or uncle because the only ones who are nearby are really nosy.

Edit: He doesn't want to talk to me for 3 days because I "crossed the boundary". That's fine I suppose, he never really talked with us anyway lol. Always was on his phone or he wasn't home because he was working.