Field Report: My Big Fat AFC Date!

[rgeere]

Grrrr, I am such an AFC…. I’ll admit that right now so no one else will
have to for me, but then again that is why I browse here and this forum.

Note: Read this post first, she showed me interest
signs, which was why I asked her along.
http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=51299

Ok, I don’t think I will be dating this girl ever again. The conversations
we had were positive, but she had a spanish accent and I had trouble
understanding her, and she seemed nervous and stuttered a little when she
spoke. This is disregarding the fact that she said some things at the
beginning of our conversation that were contradictory to what she had
previously said towards the end of our time together, or maybe I just
completely misunderstood her. Either way I didn’t like that at all.

I am writing down what I can remember from the conversations we had for
everyone’s analysis and constructive criticism. She showed considerably
less interest in me than last time we spoke. Reminds me that I could
definitely sharpen up my DJ skills, I lag like a slug. It’s possible she
had at least some interest in me from the start, but I definatelly
think I screwed up in several ways and initially lowered her interest
level to the far brink side of null.

I’m estimating this whole thing took about 45 minutes…..

Wait around for her to come out from where she works.
I use to work there and know everyone in the office,
So had some chit chat with people while I waited.
She comes out and I say…..

ME:So where are you going? Doing anything important?
HER:;(points to teeth)
ME:Brushing your teeth?
HER:No, I’m going to go get something to eat.
ME:Ohh, I see.
ME:Well, do you want a snowcone? I was on my way to the stand.
HER:No, thank you, but my house is in that general direction, and I’ll follow
you there.
HER:Why were you waiting around in the lobby area. Were you waiting for someone?
ME:No one in particular. I thought about getting one and wanted to invite
you along.
HER:I see.
HER:Well, normally my mom (something I couldn’t understand) comes around and
picks me up (something?), but I am walking home today.

Asked her some open ended questions about herself, found out that she only
went to school here for about 3 or 4 semesters, and took a few months off
to teach English in brasil.
Then I said…….

ME:So, do you remember my name?
No, you look familiar, but I don’t remember
ME:Really? You don’t remember my name? I’m so very shocked!
ME:You don’t remember me from the party?
HER:What party?
ME:Chuck’s girlfriends party?
HER:There were a lot of people there. Like a said you look familiar.
HER:I hope you aren’t very disappointed.
ME: Drats.
ME:Well, my names Reuben, and you name is [Girl’s name], correct.
HER:That’s right, well, I like guys whose names start with R’s, Reuben,
Roberto, Rosel, etc.
ME: (Forgot how I responded to that)
ME:So how many languages do you speak?
HER:About 2 and a half
ME:Really, only two and a half? Let me guess, Spanish, Portuguese, and English?
HER:YEAH!
ME:Why two and a half?
HER:my Portuguese is rusty.
ME:So, you don’t speak it as much anymore?
HER:Not as much as I use to.
ME:That’s interesting.
ME:So, what is your major, then?
HER:Guess.
ME:In that case, hmm, I wonder.
ME:Let me think, Education?
HER:No, but it use to be. My new field has something to do with education.
MEsychology?
HER:No
ME:Religion?
HER:Keep guessing
ME:Buisness?
HER:Way off!
ME:Hmmm, what could your major ever be.
HER: (shows me from the school’s bulletin that she is Physical education)
MEhysical education, I should have guessed that.
HER:What are you….
ME: [I state my major]
HER:Ok, you should know my brother, then.
ME:I don’t think I do, who is he?
HER:Guess!
ME:Hmm, I don’t know. His name probably isn’t dee.
HER:He is tall and Spanish
ME:I can only think of a few people who are tall and Spanish.
HER:His name is Dan
ME:Well, I don’t know anyone by that name.

We arrive at the snowcone stand

ME:Are you absolutely sure you don’t want a snowcone? I bet it looks really
tempting.
HER:Ok, I think I’ll get one after all.
ME:We make small talk while it is being ordered. Finish getting the stuff,
and start walking to her house.
ME:So, where do you , live?
ME:Well, I have lived in both Missouri, and California, but I am currently
living in the dorm.
HER:Really, I’m sorry.
ME:Isn’t it supper time for you?
HER: Doesn’t the café open from 5:00 – 5:30 during the summer?
Naw, I’m not hungry. I already ate.
HER:That is not healthy.
ME:I only eat one meal there a day, the cafeteria cost alot, so I eat a lot
in one meal.
HER:That still isn’t healthy

[we get to her house, we have some small talk, and she invites me inside
her house. I don’t remember everything I said, so some parts are probably missing. I
asked a bunch of open ended questions.

HER:Well, would you like some water?
ME:I could use some water, yes
HER:Ice?
ME:No thank you
HER:A wise decision.
[I sit down at the table, and she sits at the opposite end]
HER:Would you like anything to eat as well, we have lots of fruit here.
ME:Hmmmm, I’m not very hungry, but thanks anyways.
HER:Are you absolutely sure?
ME:I guess I could at least try something, bananna, or what is this? Ohh, an
avocado! I like those, but not raw like this.
HER:An orange maybe? Here, and try it with some of this seasoning [Strange
Mexican stuff]
HER: You need to start eating nutritionally anyways.
ME:So, do you do anything for fun?
HER:Well, I like to [do something] and with my boyfriend…. [stayed calm and
collected]
ME:And you liked work today?
HER: Don’t you work where I work?
ME:I havn’t worked there in ages.
HER:I saw you in the office, I thought you worked there.
ME:No, but I have worked about everywhere on campus.
HER:You should work at the cafeteria. I hear they give out free meals.
ME:Yes, but I am not sure if it is entirely free, they discount from your
paycheck. I know since I worked there for a little while one summer, and then went
to work where you worked for the rest of the summer.
HER:But aren’t you working now?
ME:I’m working on getting a job at the radio station. They had an audition
last semester that I missed, and auditions are before next semester some
time, but I know the manager there personally, so I am just thinking of
asking if they have any times that they can use me since they don’t always
have a DJ working 24 hours a day.

I know start to run out of things to say, should have ended our visit and
gone home, but asked more open ended questions. Stupid me. I wasn’t fluent
enough with my talk.

HER:Why are you saying “WOW” all the time?
ME:I’m just responding to what you are saying?
HER:But surely what I am saying can’t be all that interesting?
ME:Well, if you like I could use an alternative to “WOW”
ME:Like, I don’t know, “Ohh” or something.
HER: (Goes “Hmmm”)
ME:Sounds like a good one, I’ll use that one next time.
HER:Well, I have to go take a shower, sorry.
ME:I understand, I’ll be leaving then.
ME:I guess I will be seeing you around
HER:Around campus, yes ( OUCH!)
(Almost walk out the door and remember…)
ME:Ohh wait,I almost forgot my back pack.
HER:Ohhh, that’s not a problem, if your wallet is in there you can just leave
it here.
ME:Fortunatelly, I leave my wallet in my pocket. [knew she was implying
something else]
ME:Well, I’ll see you.
HER:Thanks for the snow cone.


OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! The pain of rejection! But you know what,
I got off of my lazy butt and learned something about women from this experience.
Sure, the outcome was lousy, but I will make it my life’s goal to perfect myself as
a DJ if I have to. Now to find another woman to try whatever stuff I have and hopefully I will have improved by then.



By the way, I could use any positive criticism anyone is willing to give me.

 

[Viking25]

Don't throw her away yet. Just use her for practice. You did alright considering she wasn't really interested. Girls who are interested will remember your name and meet you half way too. So yeah...maybe you'll see her at the party again...just go for a kiss or have fun with her. You got nothing to lose here.

 

[duke007]

good effort of you to sit through the rejection and remain composed. I know language barriers make it tough, it's hard to have a flowing, fun conversation when they may not understand some of your slang and wordplay type of humour. I experienced this on the weekend with a German chick (too bad she was leaving my city the next day )

Problem is, your DJing just didn't quite cut it, sorry to say.

Firstly she didn't remember you well from the party, which is not a positive sign. And you were discovered to be waiting for her outside her building.....not good.

I find a conversation is always better when you talk about interesting stuff rather than boring old "Getting to know you topics". I'd have tried to get off the topic of school a bit earlier and dropped the questioning on where she lives. Things like, "What did you like best about Brazil?" can lead you on to something more interesting if you listen well.

You could have been a bit more funny too. For example when she said she knows 2.5 languages, and the half is Porteguese, you could have made a crack about you thinking her English was the 0.5. Execution is key remember.

Then when she got you to guess her major you could have made obviously wrong guesses with a straight face
Eg - "Mechatronics", "Equine Management", "Lion Taming" anything just use imagination.

When she showed you it was Physical Education, you could have asked more about that...having a major like that seems like an opening to more flirting but you missed your opportunity.

You said that the cafeteria costs a lot so you only eat one meal a day.......hmmm, don't want to admit something like that.

You shouldn't have refused the offer of food in her place, makes you sound negative. And the fact that she said you should eat nutritionally indicates to me she thinks you're out of shape, or simply just not in control of your body. But I bet you could tell things were going badly at this point...

Later, C+F when she asked you about "WOW" wouldn't have gone astray, rather than being a bit defensive.

The thing about the wallet..WTF? you could have accused her of trying to steal your money.

So yeah, I know you realised your mistakes and I may sound a little critical, but this is my honest opinion of the exchange.
Mark this one down to experience and strive to get better each time. cheers!

 

[Adrian]

rejection? How did she reject you?

 

[rgeere]

Originally posted by Adrian
rejection? How did she reject you?

This is in the other post...

*Waits around for you when she knows you are about to leave, gives her hand out to you, and says something to the effect of "Maybe we will see each other around" or similar line.......
At the party I didn't treat her diffrently than anyone else despite the signs. When she waited around and held out her hand I shook it and said "maybe" (in a positive neutral tone).

Note a correlation between her responses. She was pissed, since she thought I had rejected her before. I didn't, just acted AFC and she thought I rejected her.

HER:Well, I like to [do something] and with my boyfriend.
HER:Well, I have to go take a shower, sorry.
ME:I understand, I’ll be leaving then.
ME:I guess I will be seeing you around
HER:Around campus, yes ( OUCH!)

She rejected me in a few ways
1.She acknowledged other men in my presence
2.She ended the conversation abruptly with something else
she felt was more important than my company.
3.She interpreted my manese into ******** and responded
negitivelly

Basically the above dialog would read in ********
HER:I'm spending a lot of time with this other guy, sorry.
HER:I just got through working, and need to bathe. Taking a shower is more fun than our current conversation, please leave.
ME: You have been working all day, you need to take a shower.
I'll leave so you can.
ME:Would you like to see me near you anymore?
HER:No, only if we run into each other on campus.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

At least you did your part as a man - I would chose my targets more carefully and look for signs of interest right away. She knew you were waiting for her to come out of work - this was not cool unless she asked you to see her at work!

You should have tried to pick her up right away at the party when you first met her - better chance of gauging her true interest level right away and a more natural venue for picking up women!

 

[_XT_]

I'm amazed you could recall your whole conversation with her!

You did well, don't forget she had a boyfriend - so don't take the rejection so bad.

 

[Porky]

My ass she didn't remember you if she held your hand.

 

[Dirtheart]

Full credit to you. If you can do this with another girl who is interested (i.e. doesn't have a boyfriend) and who doesn't have a Spanish accent, I can't see how you can go wrong. The conversation will probably flow much easier too.