Field Report + Help Needed

[High Voltage]

This is my first post in 8 years so be kind.

I went on a "date" with a girl today and need a little help on how to proceed. I'll keep it as short as I can since I'm sure you hate reading long posts as much as I do.

-- My History --

8 years ago (age 21) - virgin, started reading forums

6 years ago (age 23) - first girlfriend, lost virginity, entered 6-year LTR with her
> broke up 3 weeks ago, don't want her back, this post isn't about her
> she was an HB6
> 6 years = 2 years together (same city), 2 long distance, 2 together (moved in)
> she moved away (2 hour plane ride) for school last week
> dumped her because I don't want a long distance relationship (again)
> also dumped her due to personality conflicts
> allowed her to live with me for the 3 weeks before school started

Now (age 29) - trying to start dating again

-- Date History --

- met girl (HB6) in elevator of our apartment
- added her on facebook (I know how to use facebook without being AFC)
- she messages me asking to go for a bicycle ride (we're both hardcore road cyclists)

- 7 days later I just show up at her place and we ride 40 kilometers
> good convo, had her laughing lots

- 7 days later I invite her out to the beach for a swim (via facebook)
> great convo, huge amounts of reciprocal kino, she sees I'm in awesome shape

- 5 days later invite her over for supper (via phone)
> I'm a great cook, made pizza (home-made crust) and cookies
> great convo, a bit of kino (90% from me, 10% from her)
> claims she was still hungover from a party Saturday night (likely true)

Here's how our night ended:

It was 8:30 pm and dark, we went for a walk. Lots of sex talk by both of us, more keno from her (60% from me, 40% from her). I had my arm around her, later she put hers around me. Walking back she says she's cold I start to rub her upper arms (no objection), then her back (no objection). She says shes cold other places so I slide my hand from her back down to her ass. She scutes forward and says "I was not expecting that". That was right before we went back into the apartment building.

I made fun (mimicked) the scute she did. She laughed a bit. Told her she probably wants to go to bed to sleep off the hangover (now its 9:30 pm). She says yes. Told her I'm going to a fall fair on Wednesday and to contact me if she wants to come, told her I'm not going to hound her about it.

MY QUESTION: WTF - why did she freak out like that?

ALSO: Did I handle her reaction well?

-- Next Move --

I don't plan on contacting her again. I'm going to wait until she contacts me. I'm prepared to walk. What would you guys do?

Thanks a bunch folks.

 

[Solomon]

I can relate

This is my first post in 8 years so be kind.

I went on a "date" with a girl today and need a little help on how to proceed. I'll keep it as short as I can since I'm sure you hate reading long posts as much as I do.

-- My History --

8 years ago (age 21) - virgin, started reading forums

6 years ago (age 23) - first girlfriend, lost virginity, entered 6-year LTR with her
> broke up 3 weeks ago, don't want her back, this post isn't about her
> she was an HB6
> 6 years = 2 years together (same city), 2 long distance, 2 together (moved in)
> she moved away (2 hour plane ride) for school last week
> dumped her because I don't want a long distance relationship (again)
> also dumped her due to personality conflicts
> allowed her to live with me for the 3 weeks before school started

Now (age 29) - trying to start dating again

-- Date History --

- met girl (HB6) in elevator of our apartment
- added her on facebook (I know how to use facebook without being AFC)
- she messages me asking to go for a bicycle ride (we're both hardcore road cyclists)

- 7 days later I just show up at her place and we ride 40 kilometers
> good convo, had her laughing lots

- 7 days later I invite her out to the beach for a swim (via facebook)
> great convo, huge amounts of reciprocal kino, she sees I'm in awesome shape

- 5 days later invite her over for supper (via phone)
> I'm a great cook, made pizza (home-made crust) and cookies
> great convo, a bit of kino (90% from me, 10% from her)
> claims she was still hungover from a party Saturday night (likely true)

Here's how our night ended:

It was 8:30 pm and dark, we went for a walk. Lots of sex talk by both of us, more keno from her (60% from me, 40% from her). I had my arm around her, later she put hers around me. Walking back she says she's cold I start to rub her upper arms (no objection), then her back (no objection). She says shes cold other places so I slide my hand from her back down to her ass. She scutes forward and says "I was not expecting that". That was right before we went back into the apartment building.

I made fun (mimicked) the scute she did. She laughed a bit. Told her she probably wants to go to bed to sleep off the hangover (now its 9:30 pm). She says yes. Told her I'm going to a fall fair on Wednesday and to contact me if she wants to come, told her I'm not going to hound her about it.

MY QUESTION: WTF - why did she freak out like that?

ALSO: Did I handle her reaction well?

-- Next Move --

I don't plan on contacting her again. I'm going to wait until she contacts me. I'm prepared to walk. What would you guys do?

Thanks a bunch folks.

First of welcome back made, 8 years is a long hiatus, espeically from dating.
I'm gonna be brief since I'm not a KBJ who likes to over-analyze these things. I personally think you did a good job taking initiative in inviting her out quickly.

However when you walked her home, and there was lot of "sex talk" and you were touching her, why did you stop? from your post it seems like you lost your frame and didn't handle the rejection well.

I wasn't there so I can't say how she said it, but to me it sounded like a **** test, and even if it was or wasn't. How I would have responded is instead of going to my apartment alone with a hard on, try to escalate by going to her place maybe joke and say something along the lines of "cuddling naked to create body heat" but that's just me....

"Make the ho say no"---Gun

P.S. I don't think you should walk yet, wait to see what she does, but in the mean time Spin more plates and get your **** wet

 

[Colossus]

I dont think you should walk either. I think her reaction is common. You probably should have pushed it a little further, but it's too late now. See if she contacts you again. If she does, you have a green light to put your P in her V. If she doesnt, then you have your answer. Definitely dont call her again about the fair; you already told her.

 

[vatoloco]

Got a couple of questions:

- met girl (HB6) in elevator of our apartment

Does she also live in the same complex?

- added her on facebook (I know how to use facebook without being AFC)

Who added who?

She says shes cold other places so I slide my hand from her back down to her ass. She scutes forward and says "I was not expecting that". That was right before we went back into the apartment building.

Back in the day I had this girlfriend whose ass I've playfully slap in public from time to time. She would get a little mad but I knew she liked it: "Don't do that!" (while smiling devilishly at me and looking around to see if anybody saw us). The thing is that I had an established relationship with her so you grabbing this girl's ass in public (too soon into a [potential] relationship) might have been seen as too forward wit this girl and might have turned her off. That's just my opinion.

MY QUESTION: WTF - why did she freak out like that?

See above.

ALSO: Did I handle her reaction well?

I thought you did well though I personally would have skipped the "not hounding" part. They need to intuitively know that you can walk, not explicitly.

Also, it feels to me like you might be seeing too much of this girl. Do you have other plates (girls) to spin (date)?

 

[High Voltage]

Thanks for the feedback so far.

She has contacted me again about going biking this weekend. I'll like call her Saturday and arrange to go biking + hang out after for Sunday. So she is still interested.

@ vatoloco

- she lives in the same apartment, 3 floors above me
- I was the one who added her on facebook
- I'm not dating anyone else right now but I'm going to try to pick up some girls on the fair on Saturday

@ Colossus

Given that her reaction was (I'm assuming) negative, why should I have pushed more?

 

[Slickster]

I disagree with the push it more idea.

She scooted away from your ass grab which says she wasn't ready "yet".

She's obviously interested so don't be afraid to let the pot simmer.

I think you did great with your reaction. Tease her a bit, keep things light.

Now that she's contacted you again, don't just assume everything is a green light. The last interaction she gave you a message that she wasn't ready yet. Now is the time to play hard to get a little. Push and pull is you know what I mean.

 

[squirrels]

Like, was it awkward the move she made? Or was it all playful?

Girls are supposed to at least PLAY resistant.

 

[Colossus]

Well I wasnt there, so I cant tell you for sure, but if you did think it was a negative reaction then disregard my statement. If was more of a "stop it!!" in a playful sort of way, then in that case you should have gone for it again a little later.

 

[vatoloco]

Thanks for the feedback so far.

She has contacted me again about going biking this weekend. I'll like call her Saturday and arrange to go biking + hang out after for Sunday. So she is still interested.

While this is good, I still get the feeling that you're spending too much time with this girl. That is the path to the Dark... err, Oneitis. You need more plates to spin.

- she lives in the same apartment, 3 floors above me

This kind of bothers me. I like for all my new plates to know as little as possible about me: where I live, where I work, what I do, etc. Helps with the initial mystery. You two living in the same apartment building, makes it hard for her to wonder where you are, who you are with.

Not saying that all is doom and gloom with this girl but it's something for you to consider. Also, let's say that you two fvck/date and things go south, you're gonna have to see each other in the elevator...

- I was the one who added her on facebook

Did you ask for a number first? Or did you ask for the FB first? If you asked for the number but got the FB instead, that'd tell me that her IL is not that high... If you asked for the FB right off the bat, then we can't really tell... Your IL in her might be higher than hers in you, and that's never a good thing.

What exactly did this girl say/do when you grabbed her ass?

 

[High Voltage]

Her first reaction was definately surprised. After that I think it was playful. I'll have a better idea after our "date" on Sunday.

@ vatoloco

How often do you suggest I see a girl?

Oneitis is rarely a concern for me, I just don't care about girls that much. I agree that I need to date more girls; I'll see to that this weekend.

Your point about us sharing an apartment building is well taken, I'll have to be tactful if things go south.

I never asked her for her number: I added her on facebook, after a few messages sent her my number, she sent me hers in return (I never asked for it).

I don't remember exactly what was said after I grabbed her ass other than what I said in my original post.

 

[vatoloco]

How often do you suggest I see a girl?

This is just my personal preference but I usually see new plates about once a week. With all the things I have going on in my life, I have time for about 2-3 girls per week, which means my newer plates get to see me about once a week. Of course, this is just me. I'm sure others can provide you with their opinion on the matter.

I never asked her for her number: I added her on facebook, after a few messages sent her my number, she sent me hers in return (I never asked for it).

Okay, thanks for the info. At this point we don't know if her IL is marginal so I think you should just keep playing it like you have. Let us know how things go.

 

[jophil28]

Generally, it is verboten to touch a woman below the waist UNLESS you are in a regular sexual relationship with her.
The OP unintentionally violated this taboo , hence her reaction.

Oftentimes women have these unspoken "rules" of which we are unaware until we naively break one.

 

[Colossus]

Generally, it is verboten to touch a woman below the waist UNLESS you are in a regular sexual relationship with her.
The OP unintentionally violated this taboo , hence her reaction.

Oftentimes women have these unspoken "rules" of which we are unaware until we naively break one.

Another point--and this relates to a similar thread right now---is that often women will give flirtatious signals that WE interpret as a green light to start sexual contact, when in fact that isnt what they had in mind at all. It doesnt mean they dont want to jump on your P at some point, but keep in mind women act at all times to preserve their FACE (social status), and wont usually let some man who isnt already in her pants just freely grab her as$.

 

[samspade]

Have you kissed her yet? In general I wouldn't grab bottom before I've at least kissed her. Maybe a playful slap if the circumstance is right but that's it.

 

[High Voltage]

FRIEND-ZONED!

I suggested we ride Saturday, said she had too much stuff to do (true) but invited me for supper with her friends. We all got semi-drunk at super, some kino by me at her place after, none by her.

Friends had to go, she made a motion for me to go too. Getting ready to go she clearly wanted a kiss from the way she was looking at me, but I wussed out. I suggested we get take-out and watch a movie on Sunday (was going to kiss her then). Weak move by me, but I was tired of waiting to escalate with this chick (i.e. I was losing interest; her pvssy wasn't worth the time I was putting in).

Got a call from her on Sunday saying she was "confused". She asked what we were doing together: friends or dating. I said I didn't want to label it and that we were just having fun. She thought I was still with my ex (BS! mentioned repeatedly during conversation that we were no longer together). She also said that I was a nice guy (cringe) and that she needs to get to know me better before she does anything physical (BS! She's made out with random guys at bars and I'd bet my left nut she's had several ONS). I told her I didn't want to hang out with her tonight but if I wanted a biking partner next week I'd give her a call (not gonna happen; just keeping it civil since we share an apartment building).

END RESULT: I was friend-zoned for some reason, possibly by not kissing her when she wanted it (unlikely). I'm not going to lie here; my self-esteem took a hit because as far as I'm concerned this girl is WAY beneath me. I'm done with this chick now: deleted her ass from Fakebook and deleted her number. I will not be contacting her again.

 

[jophil28]

Friends had to go, she made a motion for me to go too.

Motion to go ???
Was it one of those "see you around..." looks that uninterested women concoct?
An interested women would be sending you buying signals after her friends left, which included big goo goo eyes, close body contact and a question to you about, " what you want to do now ?"

 

[vatoloco]

I suggested we ride Saturday, said she had too much stuff to do (true) but invited me for supper with her friends. We all got semi-drunk at super, some kino by me at her place after, none by her.

Group outings at the beginning of one's interaction with a new woman are never a good thing in my experience. She's either trying to let you know that IT'S NOT A ROMANTIC DATE by having third parties present (and therefore she'll be protected from you trying to put the moves on her) OR she might be marginally interested and wants to qualify you via her friends. Either way, AVOID GROUP OUTINGS AT THE BEGINNING.

Friends had to go, she made a motion for me to go too.

As in "Away with you, HV! You have entertained me enough! I shall rest now..."?

Getting ready to go she clearly wanted a kiss from the way she was looking at me, but I wussed out.

You should always try to kiss-close girls at the end of dates to see if they dig. That's what I do. Once I get "the cheek" or pull-away, I smile, wish her goodnight and never contact her again.

Got a call from her on Sunday saying she was "confused".

When women say they're "confused" "too busy" "not ready" etc., you're done for. Move on.

She asked what we were doing together: friends or dating. I said I didn't want to label it and that we were just having fun. She thought I was still with my ex (BS! mentioned repeatedly during conversation that we were no longer together). She also said that I was a nice guy (cringe) and that she needs to get to know me better before she does anything physical (BS! She's made out with random guys at bars and I'd bet my left nut she's had several ONS). I told her I didn't want to hang out with her tonight but if I wanted a biking partner next week I'd give her a call (not gonna happen; just keeping it civil since we share an apartment building).

All red flags.

END RESULT: I was friend-zoned for some reason, possibly by not kissing her when she wanted it (unlikely).

It's possible but, to tell you the truth, I think she just had marginal IL in you. She probably accepted your advances "just to get it over with" with the plan to eventually reject you.

This is why I asked about whether your had number-closed. If she doesn't provide the digits, I move on to greener pastures.

I'm not going to lie here; my self-esteem took a hit because as far as I'm concerned this girl is WAY beneath me. I'm done with this chick now: deleted her ass from Fakebook and deleted her number. I will not be contacting her again.

Well, look it at this way. She's saving you time, money and effort. Find some new plates and learn from this experience.

P.S. This is just for my personal curiosity. How old is this girl? What would you rate her? (6, HB8?)

 

[High Voltage]

@ jophil28

She definately had an interested/expectant look.

@ vatoloco

I agree with the marginal IL comment for sure. I didn't care about that because I was using her for practice.

She's 23. Excellent shape (triathlete), tits too small for me, ugly face. She also looses points for being a binge-drinking party girl. In my first post I stated that I thought she was an HB6. If she didn't have the body of a triathlete I wouldn't have been interested enough to persue her.