Field Report - Date blunder?

[legolas]

Originally posted by Panther
Rather than letting it die out, I send her an email, saying we should meet up for a coffee to discuss about the interviews we'll be having for summer work (plausible deniability). She accepts and seems excited about it (replying to my emails minutes after i send them) and gives me her number "in case I decide to change the plans the last moment". Generally seemed like a very high Interest Level[/qoute]

This is good. There's some spark going on. Your duty from now on is to fan the flames of attraction from sparks to full blown attraction.

I'm thinking of asking her for dinner in few days, where I'll focus discussion on her, go C+F, do mirroring, eliciting values, and kino.
Then leaving dinner I'll hold her hand, and probably go for a cheek-kiss goodnight (or normal kiss if I get really good vibes)

Ouch.......My mind hurts again from all that stuff. You know what??

You have a girl who is interested. That stuff is usualy used to create interest, although recently I'm starting to believe that there's no such thing as "creating interest"; either she interested or she is not.

Forget all thats stuff above, and go read Pook's posts on Anti-Dump's Machine. I have collected them all into a pdf, if you want it email me.

But to give you a head start, now you should focus on the pull-push approach and create some mystery about you. Never reveal too much about yourself, so that she has the chance to discover you page b page (date by date) as a book. Talk mostly about her and about things around you. Make it your duty to always open one page at a time and let her ask you questions about it while you reveal one paragraph at a time.

That is if your intention is to get yourself a girfriend who'll like you for you. If you just want to get laid, then you need to follow another appraoach. I'm no expert there and Pook's post will not help much with that.

 

[Panther]

Rather, I *had* a girl who was interested...

Now, I either have a girl who's playing games, or more likely a girl who's IL dropped like a rock...

I will see very soon after her reply to my next date offer...

ThePanther

 

[legolas]

Originally posted by Panther
Ok, now with my One-itis subsiding and my mind clearing, I can see what I think went wrong:

In my class I hold the persona of the aloof, cool but really smart guy whom everyone knows but almost noone knows much about.
And I carry myself like a king

Which is probably what caused her interest.

Very well said and evaluated. At least you have a clear mind and can use hindsight to help you out. If you had stuck to these guns, as I suggested in my post, (of course I didn't know it then I didn't read all the replies) you would have had a girl willing to change her plans to be with you.

Now, by dropping my mystery and falling for her barrage of personal questions trick (damn she was good at that!) I let her know too much about me too soon, and it appeared that I was trying to get her to like me, rather than trying to qualify her...

The fall of Don Juan!!!

It's not that you fell for her personal questions, and of course she's good. it's only that you changed gears and put in the "get her interested" gear.

In an effort to get to know the other person better, as well as to impress them or to get them to like you, you automatically dropped the stuff that got her interested in the first place.

And by calling too soon, and trying to arrange weekend dinner plans, I dropped the challenge, showing her that I have nothing better to do during my weekend than take out a girl I barely started seeing.

Again I'd like to point out that it is your "mindset" that got you in trouble just like above. That mindset of "getting her interested" has as consequence all the behaviors that you see here. In fact you didn't have to do anything at all, because she already was interested. You only had to keep up the mystery as long as possible.

Here's a little trick to turn the tables around if you find that she's "interviewing" you too much. At one point in the conversation go: "Gee, here I am yapping away about myself, and I don't even know a single thing about you." Then ask a question about her.

The reason why talking about her works is because you as a man will still be interested in the girl no matter how much she tells you about ehr, unless she has an attitude problem or you plainly don't like her. But for her, the only thing she has to be interested in you is the fact that she doesn't know "enough" of you yet and hopefully by the time she does, she is either gone or is head over toe in love with you

If she says she's sorry but she's busy when I propose, and offers no alternative, means I lost her interest, and I will have to be more careful in the future... Thats what I think will happen but its not the first time, but i hope it's the last

If she says she can't do the times I'm offering but proposes a clear alternative offer, means that she has some interest left, and wants to test me. I will say I'm busy when she offers, and say i might call her another time... Then wait a couple of weeks and try again! Any tricks on her part and she's nexted

If she accepts and seems keen on going out with me, I'll say unfortunately I can't make it Thursday afterall, and go for the coffee on Friday. There I will refuse to answer her questions about me, and qualify her! Flirt, C+F, kino etc.

How does this seem as a battle plan?

ThePanther

Wow are you a computer science student?

This sounds like a friggin' algorithm man!!! A friend of mine, a military geek, likes to say "No plan survives contact with the enemy" I don't like to think of it in terms of "battle plans" or "field reports" and all that. All this military terminology is really bad for seduction. it's a defenseless girl we're talking about here, not the next USSR

You are still stuck in the "get her interested" mindset. Snap out of it!! You cannot get someone from zero IL to medium IL (whatever that means) ALl you can do is hope there's a spark and then fan it to flames through the push-pull dance, nad page by page revelation. The nice thing about push-pull is that it also detects whether or not there's actually any spark, because if there isn't then you see no flames.

 

[Panther]

"If you had stuck to these guns, as I suggested in my post, (of course I didn't know it then I didn't read all the replies) you would have had a girl willing to change her plans to be with you."

I know. But there's no point crying over spilt milk. Now what I want to do is see if there's any interest left, and if so try to recover it by doing the right stuff for a change.

"Here's a little trick to turn the tables around if you find that she's "interviewing" you too much. At one point in the conversation go: "Gee, here I am yapping away about myself, and I don't even know a single thing about you." Then ask a question about her."

That was actually what I've already planned to do in the future (either with her or anyone else).

"Wow are you a computer science student? "

Nope, an economics student... still my minset is focused on thinking too much, analysing possible outcomes and constrained maximisation

"You cannot get someone from zero IL to medium IL (whatever that means) ALl you can do is hope there's a spark and then fan it to flames through the push-pull dance, nad page by page revelation. "

Well, I'm still not sure that the spark is completely off (though it seems it's certainly not as strong as initially. I'm gonna give her one more chance, and if she does get to go out with me I'll do what you suggested. If not, I'll move on.

I do agree completely with you though, that it is my mindset that was flawed. As it is, I have never had a girlfriend, even though after my self-improvement over the past year I am well good enough to get one... I lack the experience to do stuff that attract women subconsciously (rather than having to actively think before doing the right stuff) and most importantly, the social proof of having women around.
So I got in the familiar AFC mindset of thinking I had this girl for certain, and starting to plan my next few months of my life given that I'd be with her (Valentine's day, my b-day, holidays etc.) which is of course pathetic!!

Anyway, I'll try not to let this happen again.

Cheers,
ThePanther

 

[Panther]

Another blunder...

From DateStacker:

"You are also avoiding one other major mistake guys make, which is asking the girl "Hey, are you free Saturday night?
This is bad because society has trained people to think they are supposed to be busy on weekend nights, and her admitting that she isn't will be a psychological obstacle that she has to overcome in order to accept your invitation. It sounds like a little detail, but it really isn't"


Well that does sound reasonable. Since what I asked was "What are you doing Saturday night" maybe she just didn't want to tell me "Oh, I'll be in my room doing some maths" or something as lame.

I'll keep that in mind for the future...

ThePanther

 

[Porky]

only hold her hand if you can work up the courage!