Field report at the club: First @close

[Silk]

Hey guys,

Last night I got my first @close!

Here's the story...

I went to an alternative party in my town with two dudes and a HB8 from my dorm. One of the guys is also a rafc/dj who knows about sosuave and asf, though he's not a member of this board.

First we had a few beers and talked a little in the bar section. They arranged some kind of dating service just for that evening, because of valentine and all. I thought 'I don't need that ****!' I'm gonna take care of my own
Some time later the dance floor was getting quite crowded and there was a nice atmosphere. We danced a while and had a few beers. I always make sure I'm the smoothest dancer on the dancefloor! Added to that, I'm also quite tall, so they notice me.

Approach 1

Anyway, a HB7 was dancing in front of me and I said "Where did you learn to dance like that?" We exchanged a few words, I could barely hear what she said, she had an accent and I then noticed she was quite drunk. So I ejected.

Approach 2

An HB7 was sitting on a chair next a pole. I got over there and asked if why she sits there instead of getting freaky on the dance floor. We had a 3 minute convo about bands, going out, people in the party and then i got ****blocked by some guy who stood on the other side. I waited for a minute for him to go, which didn't happen, so i went off to dance again.

Approach 3

This was really a throwaway approach. HB6 who was giving me heavy IOI few days ago at another party. I'm not into her but went over and exchanged a few words. Ejected and went to dance again.

Approach 4

At the end of the evening I saw an HB7 that I recognized from other clubs. I opened the convo about the other club. We talked for a few minutes and then I suddenly remembered: Kino! The convo went on about parties and music, the whole club scene. She was quite receptive and kept the convo going. After a while she said she had to go...to the toilet. I didn't first get that, I thought she was leaving, so i asked what her name was and introduced myself. Then I said we should hook up some time. I took out my phone, she said she didn't know her number and she didn't bring her phone. She went to the toilet and said she'd be back. I thought 'ain't gonna happen, but at least i had a nice convo'. She did come back. I asked if she used e-mail (duh). I took her hand and said let's go find a beer coaster. We walked to the bar, she asked a pen from the bartender and wrote her @ down. We said goodbye and I went home with my friends. The convo was something like 10-15 minutes.

It's been a while since my last post, about the boot camp. I didn't finish it and took some time off from the board. Since the beginning of the year I made a commitment to approach as many times as possible in the clubs, though without deadlines or quotas. The rafc/dj from my dorm also started to approach a lot more since the beginning of the year which inspired me to put in more effort. Since januari 1st I've done 20 approaches ranging from convo's that last up to 10 minutes to just a minor exchange of words. They all took place while going to the clubs and to the cinema. Anyway, I have a long way to go skillswise and even though i didn't hookup with chicks yet I at least do something! I keep a log of my approaches, which is really motivating. Maybe I'll post it here sometime.

That's that. I'd like to get some feedback from you on the whole thing, especially on approaching in clubs and stuff.

Silk

 

[Silk]

Got a date!

Update

Had a chat with the HB7 from the @close on msn today. She gave me her #. I was busy studying so I kept it short. Called her tonight and planned a date at my place next saturday.

Silk

 

[Silk]

Date turned sour!

Just got back from the city...the date turned sour!

I'll tell exactly what happend and then I'll let you know what I think are the mistakes I made.

She came over to my place around 9 PM. I made some tea and we watched TV. While watching TV we talked a little. We sat next to eachother on the couch. I didn't kino her. Later I opened a bottle of red wine and we watched some more TV. Then I turned it off and turned on the radio. While we were talking I gradually moved myself closer to her and facing her. We talked some more and finally there was a silence in the convo. So I leaned over, touched her hair and went in for the kiss....
It was hilarious actually, I tried to kiss her but I couldn't lock in right...so I moved around a bit with my head to close in properly... and then I realised she was blocking my kiss...then she silently said 'no...'

Damn!

Well...we sat there for like half a minute and she said "Let's get to the city". We went there and danced a little and drank a few beers. The funny thing is she said to me "If you wanna mingle..it's ok with me!.." Doh

Sometime later she said she wanted to go home. I wanted to bring her home but she insisted that she just went by herself, her house was nearby she said. I stayed in the club a little while, even approached two HB7's but didn't close.

Lesson's learned

I need to kino more! When I met her last week I did it all the time, but today I didn't do it at all. I felt that kinoing would be more awkward because I sat next to her.

No TV! Watching TV with her caused me to stall the whole thing because I was talking to her and watching TV at the same time.

I should not have gone to the city with her afterwards! Total waste of $$$ and time. It would have been better to bring her home and go to the city myself or go home for that matter. I did have the feeling that chicks were noticing me because of the social proof from her.

Well, apart from these three things I don't actually know why it went wrong. Probably she had low IL or no IL at all, meaning she just wanted to have a few drinks with me without anything else. Since this date was a result of my first @close I don't have any experience measuring IL in these circumstances. Right then I thought IL was quite ok...

What do you guys think I can do better next time? What things did I do wrong this time?

Silk

 

[squirrels]

Something doesn't jive here.

Was it your plan to meet at your place and go into the city, or was the date supposed to be a "Blockbuster Night"?

I get the impression from what you said that you just tried to kiss out of nowhere during the lull in the conversation. Was there anything before that? Foreplay starts even before the first kiss.

Personally it sounds like you tried to jump right from casual convo into making-out...she freaked out and then ejected. It also sounds like you made it about as awkward as you possibly could.

That's my take.

 

[Billydee]

My impressions:

1) A yellow flag should have gone up when she first said she "didn't know her phone number." Seven year old kids know their phone number in case they get lost. She knew hers and didn't want to tell you. OK on the @ recovery though. But if you were DJing 100%, you would have politely NEXTED her right then and there. With the @ close, you already went down a notch in her mind. But not out of the game.

2) MSN seemed OK. Good to keep it short.

3) Why were you watching TV and drinking tea? I know it's over the top to be drinking red wine w/ the lights dimmed & R Kelly or Barry White music, but watching TV and drinking tea is almost TOO "buddy-buddy."

4) I agree w/ the poster above. Somehow the mood wasn't right in the apartment. I would have had a few lights on (no sleezy scented candles, but not total bright fluorescent overhead lights either), listening to regular music. Be reading or surfing the internet. This makes you either intellectual or technology savvy, not a poor dump watching the boob tube. For music, use CD's not the radio, and listen to whatever neutral top 40's stuff you like that she COULD like too. No P.O.D. or Kid Rock, no lame bubblegum pop either. Just use your judgment. Personally, I like to go a little old school on them....Ray Charles. Louis Armstrong, some classic rock, U2, DMB.

5) I agree, the plan should have been for her to come over and to take it from there. Feed her a beer or mixed drink (vodka & cranberry, etc.). Get one drink in her, make your "plans", and get out of the apartment. Unless she wants to stay (see below). This plan is PERFECT, because if your apartment is nice & neat, comfortable w/ good atmosphere, it re-assures her that you're not a total freak or slob. If you go out for the date and "invite her back in" she's already BEEN THERE, so some of the shady aspect has gone away and she'll be more receptive. She'd no longer be going into "some strange apartment."

In reality, when you say, "come on over, and we'll play it by ear", you will have two CONCRETE ideas....go to the city & dance or go bowling/pool, whatever. Also give her the option to watch a movie. If she has high IL, she'll want to watch the movie @ your place. If she refuses to choose, pick the option that IS going out, but somewhere where it's a one on one date, like pool or bowling or something. Clubs are too risky that some a-hole will try to ****block you.

During the date, you know the rest. Flirt, kino, tease her a little. If she asks alot of personal questions, give some honest ones, but also joke and giver her some funny/evasive answers too to increase mystery. If the kino is hot & heavy, ask if she wants to go up to your place. If she says no, end the date w/ a kiss. If kino is minor or medium, just end the date w/ a small polite kiss on the cheek, but without asking her up.

 

[Silk]

Squirrels

I get the impression from what you said that you just tried to kiss out of nowhere during the lull in the conversation. Was there anything before that? Foreplay starts even before the first kiss.

Exactly. As I said there wasn't any kinoing so at one point I just tried to kiss her and failed miserably.

It also sounds like you made it about as awkward as you possibly could.

Yeah it was very awkward. I didn't plan anything so I didn't know what to expect.

Billydee

1) A yellow flag should have gone up when she first said she "didn't know her phone number." Seven year old kids know their phone number in case they get lost. She knew hers and didn't want to tell you. OK on the @ recovery though. But if you were DJing 100%, you would have politely NEXTED her right then and there. With the @ close, you already went down a notch in her mind. But not out of the game.

You're right. After she said she didn't had her phone number she went to the toilet. At that point I thought it would end right there. She came back so I wanted to @close. In the future I next when I don't get the #.

5) I agree, the plan should have been for her to come over and to take it from there. Feed her a beer or mixed drink (vodka & cranberry, etc.). Get one drink in her, make your "plans", and get out of the apartment. Unless she wants to stay (see below). This plan is PERFECT, because if your apartment is nice & neat, comfortable w/ good atmosphere, it re-assures her that you're not a total freak or slob. If you go out for the date and "invite her back in" she's already BEEN THERE, so some of the shady aspect has gone away and she'll be more receptive. She'd no longer be going into "some strange apartment."

Great tip. Either watch a movie or go out on a one-on-one date and possibly take her home again.

Thanks for the feedback!

Silk

 

[Tango-Kid]

Hey Silk!

For me it seems that you have a very good attitude for learning DJ:ing - you´re noticing and admitting your mistakes, and are not offended by other people helping you. You also have the courage to try your skills in the field and learn by doing.

I think many "natural DJ:s" have forgotten these basic skills and therefor will never become masters.

Silk, I´m sure you will learn a lot and become a great DJ if you keep that attitude.

However, in field-reports it would be nice to read more details about the critical moments when approaching, starting the convo etc. You know, such as how was her emotions, tone, did she seem she´s busy, did you feel you´re controlling the situation.. something that can later give you a hint on what went wrong/ why were you succesful.

Keep up the good work!

Tango-Kid