Field Report and advice?

[JLW]

Went on a date with a girl. Got some food at a to-go place, went for a short walk, and then to my friend's party. All in all a decent night.

She messaged me on facebook saying "we should totally hang out and go to the beach or something this week!"

I replied on facebook and said "That's funny, I was just going to ask you if you wanted to go to my friend's party today but didn't see you in school. What's your number?"

I asked her if she wanted to go to my friend's party and I told her where it was. She told me it was her friend's last night in town and she was obligated to hanging out with her, but she would be totally do something before she met up with them at around 11:30 PM. I said that's fine.

And she was like, "Oh I know a really good place that has awesome crepes around there." So I said "Yeah we should totally stop by there before we go."

So we went to the crepe place and walked around for about 20 minutes outside while we finished them. The conversation went well and she seemed pretty cool.

Going to the friend's party was probably the worst part of the date (it was by no means bad or anything). In terms of escalating physical contact, (kino) this was not a good atmosphere to do it. It was obviously a lot easier while we were outside and by ourselves.

The next day she texted me and told me how hanging out with her friends was a bust. She also asked if she wanted help cleaning out my studio space at school (we go to art school and it's the end of the year so we have to clear all of our stuff out of the school). She has a car and I don't so it's easier for her. I said no thanks, I don't have too much stuff to clear out.

So given the situation, what would you advise for a good second date? Location, as well as how I should conduct myself, or what I should do would be great. I did "okay" as far as the physical escalation: I flirted with her, touched her and messed with this weird jacket she was wearing. But I definitey should not have brought her to the party.

I went out with her on Saturday evening. I was thinking of taking her out to the beach or something like that. She recommended earlier on in the facebook message that we should go hang out at the beach. I think that actually would be a great idea for physical escalation since we won't be wearing much clothing in the first place. But since she is the one who recommended it, I don't want it to seem like she is all of a sudden the one calling the shots (which right now it seems like she is).

Mistakes I made:

1. Should not have told her I was looking for her at school for obvious reasons. Very desperate move.

2. I should have been the one who thought of the better date idea, not her. She kind of recommended to crepe place, which was a way better first date, and I just kind of obliged.

3. Don't bring girls to parties on dates (especially first dates). Isolation and solitude is key.

4. I need to be leading and calling the shots and deciding what we do.


Any input guys? What would you recommend for a good second date? And when should I call her?

By the way, she's not the only game in town. I'm going out to get some ice cream with a different girl in about an hour. I feel like I did well overall but made some huge rookie mistakes. I'm new to this whole dating thing so give me your best advice.

 

[CarlitosWay]

Went on a date with a girl. Got some food at a to-go place, went for a short walk, and then to my friend's party. All in all a decent night.

She messaged me on facebook saying "we should totally hang out and go to the beach or something this week!"

I replied on facebook and said "That's funny, I was just going to ask you if you wanted to go to my friend's party today but didn't see you in school. What's your number?"



I asked her if she wanted to go to my friend's party and I told her where it was. She told me it was her friend's last night in town and she was obligated to hanging out with her, but she would be totally do something before she met up with them at around 11:30 PM. I said that's fine.

She seems to be real into you, if she's willing to hang out with you beforehand and make time.

And she was like, "Oh I know a really good place that has awesome crepes around there." So I said "Yeah we should totally stop by there before we go."

So we went to the crepe place and walked around for about 20 minutes outside while we finished them. The conversation went well and she seemed pretty cool.

Going to the friend's party was probably the worst part of the date (it was by no means bad or anything). In terms of escalating physical contact, (kino) this was not a good atmosphere to do it. It was obviously a lot easier while we were outside and by ourselves.

The next day she texted me and told me how hanging out with her friends was a bust. She also asked if she wanted help cleaning out my studio space at school (we go to art school and it's the end of the year so we have to clear all of our stuff out of the school). She has a car and I don't so it's easier for her. I said no thanks, I don't have too much stuff to clear out.

So given the situation, what would you advise for a good second date? Location, as well as how I should conduct myself, or what I should do would be great. I did "okay" as far as the physical escalation: I flirted with her, touched her and messed with this weird jacket she was wearing. But I definitey should not have brought her to the party.



Why so fixated on the party? You should have been rockin' that sh1t, having fun, I don't give a f*** if you didn't know most there or whatever. Could have been a great opportunity to show some real good social value! why was it a bad atmosphere? Should have been relatively easy too escalate, especially if music is playing and lots of things are going on.

I went out with her on Saturday evening. I was thinking of taking her out to the beach or something like that. She recommended earlier on in the facebook message that we should go hang out at the beach. I think that actually would be a great idea for physical escalation since we won't be wearing much clothing in the first place. But since she is the one who recommended it, I don't want it to seem like she is all of a sudden the one calling the shots (which right now it seems like she is).

Good I'm glad you acknowledge this, and + I ****in' hate you for having access to a beach, that's money right there . I think ice cream + chillin' by the beach would be awesome...@ the start (haven't had ice cream in freakin' ages!!! so I could be biased right now haha GRRR) Holy **** the activities one can do there too are end less!!!

Mistakes I made:

1. Should not have told her I was looking for her at school for obvious reasons. Very desperate move.

2. I should have been the one who thought of the better date idea, not her. She kind of recommended to crepe place, which was a way better first date, and I just kind of obliged.

3. Don't bring girls to parties on dates (especially first dates). Isolation and solitude is key.

4. I need to be leading and calling the shots and deciding what we do.


Any input guys? What would you recommend for a good second date? And when should I call her?

I honestly don't think you have to worry as much as you are about this girl, she's literally making all this **** real easy for you. I'd say chill out hit her up in a day or two. She's making time for you, like you mentioned just take a bit more charge.

By the way, she's not the only game in town. I'm going out to get some ice cream with a different girl in about an hour. I feel like I did well overall but made some huge rookie mistakes. I'm new to this whole dating thing so give me your best advice.

All this came off to me more as two friends hanging out. I didn't see much "excitement" being created, other than the light flirting . Just my opinion, bring the heat next time son.

 

[JLW]

Okay, so I went on a different first date with another totally different girl. We'll call this girl Alexandra.

Alexandra and I went to get ice cream and went on a walk for about an hour and a half. Got some ice cream.

I learned from the mistakes I made from the first date with the other girl (we'll call the other girl who I went to the party with Alyssa).

I was a lot more straightforward and direct with Alexandar and I told her what we would be doing. I was a lot more forward in my actions.

I did well with establishing rapport and commonalities. I got her laughing and did the whole C+F thing (this comes naturally to me)

I did similar escalation and some kino/flirting with various neg hits or whatever. I didn't do anything crazy since it was the first date. Just put my arm around her at various points or whatever but nothing big or anything.

Carlitosway, you say that I should be striving for a bit more escalation. Can you give an example of what I should do instead? I guess I just wanted to keep the first date pretty light cuz I was feeling out the situation and the girl. Any specific examples on how to escalate with kino would be great since it's something I definitely could work on.