Bulletproof - I'm going to advise you to do exactly that. Be Bulletproof. Have mastery over yourself.bradd80 said:If I were you bulletproof, I'd be glad you found out about this before the wedding ceremony and not after.
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
Bulletproof - I'm going to advise you to do exactly that. Be Bulletproof. Have mastery over yourself.bradd80 said:If I were you bulletproof, I'd be glad you found out about this before the wedding ceremony and not after.
You made your case like a lawyer. Stable job. Good guy. Ready for something real. All true. All irrelevant.
She weighed your points, nodded along, felt nothing — then fell hard for some tattooed bartender with a motorcycle and a gambling problem.
Logic is where attraction goes to die. The "22 Rules" work a level deeper, on the subconscious switches that decide within minutes whether you register as a MAN or as part of the furniture.
Stop presenting evidence. Start flipping switches.
BULL3TPR00F said:We also had other issues before this occurred. We lived together for 9 months, but I decided it would be best if she lived back at home. When we lived together we argued a lot and I couldn't deal with it anymore. I bought a condo before we got engaged, and she always mentioned how it "wasn't hers" and wants to buy a house. She doesn't have a job and doesn't have money saved, so that is impossible. I paid for the condo, and paid for everything else when she lived here (her food, etc). It was better for her to live with me because her college was close to my condo. When she lived at home her commute to school was very far. I felt that she did not appreciate me because she always complained about things. The priest we spoke to said that I shouldn't have been reminding her that I pay for everything.
We made an agreement that I would pay for the condo (and all other expenses, utilities, food etc) (it is a beautiful big two bedroom condo in a great neighborhood and school district) and she would pay for the wedding hall. I didn't mind paying for the condo and her food while she saved her money to pay her school debts and save for a wedding. Her dad was giving her half the money of the wedding hall, so she only had to save for half of the wedding hall. She complained about this after we agreed to the deal. She said shes not getting out of anything by saving for a wedding because the condo is under my name and the wedding is over in a day.
She also pressured me by putting a time on when we have to start having kids after we are married. We also argued about holidays because she wanted to spend both Thanksgiving and Christmas day at her families house. It upset me when she said our future kids would decide where to go on holidays. We discussed this and came up with a solution to alternate where we go each year.
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
the best decision , you have the right to be pragmatic too , actually it is a sign of mature manBULL3TPR00F said:I ended the engagement and got my ring back. She still wants to be with me and try to work things out. I told her it is over