Fiancee disagreeing with me often lately........

[suspected_file_swap]

Hey guys,

Been with this girl for 3 years now........been engaged for about 8 months.

Lately it seems she challenges my opinions and views I have more often than she used too.

I would not mind so much , a woman with a mind of her own is fine......but she is challenging and arguing with me on things she clearly knows very little about.

For example, she knows virtually nothing about sports, politics or economincs........but lately I will make a comment in passing about any of those topics and she will hit me with the old I disagree with that or ` not everyone ` sees it that way......... or even worse - `well if we dont agree why dont we ask someone else ` - Talk about the ultimate insult, I feel like smacking her when she says that.

One such instance had something to do with my direct expertise with the line of work I am in for crying out loud, my profession........that I have been in for over 10 years.

We argued about it this morning, she used to trust everything I would say and respect my judgment ......now she seems to less and less.

What is going on here ? What should I do and how should I handle it when she does start rambling on about something she knows nothing about ?

Thanks for the help.

 

[Greasy Pig]

Look up some threads on amused mastery. She's baiting you into having bullsht arguments but just laugh them off and treat her like an annoying kid sister.

 

[Boilermaker]

If this "disagreement" issue is as prevalent as you are thinking, I think it's a problem.

You will be a better judge of the exact situation more than anyone else. But, best practice in any case is subtle disapproval.

Don't take her seriously , don't engage her. Make fun of her, "as if you know what you are talking about" ...

Could be a slew of shít tests, could be a temporary thing.

Good luck,

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

yeah, it's a way to get an emotional response out of you....cause some type of drama...or she could just be annoyed about something....or bored.

You could try the opposite route of what you're doing. If she disagrees with you on something, just say okay(as tough as this may be)....or ignore it completely, pretend she didn't say anything. Don't argue with her about something stupid that you know you're right. She'll eventually try to figure out why you go cold....

If she doesn't change then it may be time to re-evaluate.

 

[cordoncordon]

I have been through this exact same thing with an ex gf of of mine-5 years together. We would just snipe at each other back and forth, about nothing big, but it was constant after a while. I could say the sky is blue today and she would say "no, it's aqua". No matter what I said, she would disagree in some small way, and me with her. I look back at it and it really was sort of comical.

But that was just the outward signs of what was going on beneath, and that was a deep frustration with each others behavior, and the lack of real love anymore for each other, along with just a general clash of each other's personalities. We eventually broke up, after years of trying to make it work. And it could not have been a better thing. Literally during our breakup I met my now fiance and it is like night and day as far as relationships. We never snipe at each other. Might have had 2-3 arguments in 4 years. Do everything together. Truly my best friend. I look back at the years wasted with that ex and shake my head, but at the same time am grateful as it led to me meeting Rose.

I guess my point in all this is don't waste time. If you don't think it is right, don't get married. I am not telling you to break up, only you can decide what is in your heart. But really think about if what is going on is fixable, a short term glitch, or if its a fundamental difference in each others personalities. There is someone out there for you where this kind of bickering will not happen. I hope you find it.

 

[Bokanovsky]

It sounds like she's losing respect for you.

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

You could have a chick who just likes to argue. I'm around a lot of couples and I notice this every once in a while. It's usually the woman doing the arguing. The relationships that last with this type of thing going on are the guys that respond with an "okay dear" and then smile. She could have been hiding it due to the romance and pre-engaged stage. Now she's got you locked in so her true colors are coming out. Often times the women that do this are very opinionated and stubborn....and sometimes it's because they don't have a sure sense of self worth, so they get this by winning arguments with their significant others.

 

[Zarky]

Any time a man agrees to marry a chick, she automatically loses a fair amount of respect for him. It's not that surprising. Dump her and watch her stop doing these obnoxious behaviors.

I wouldn't "threaten to break up if she keeps it up" because that seems butthurt. I'd break up with her, then say "It just seemed like you'd lost a lot of love and respect for me lately, and I didn't want you to marry a guy you didn't respect." See what happens.

 

[Jules_Winfield]

When women decide they don't want to see me anymore, they either start arguments or are suddenly too busy to see me. Your girlfriend wants out.

 

[speed dawg]

I wouldn't "threaten to break up if she keeps it up" because that seems butthurt. I'd break up with her, then say "It just seemed like you'd lost a lot of love and respect for me lately, and I didn't want you to marry a guy you didn't respect." See what happens.

You have the premise correct, but you don't overtly TALK to her about this sh*t. And for d*mn sure don't tell her you think she's lost respect for you. That's stupid.

 

[Zarky]

nah, you put the onus on her by shifting the blame to her, and the only way you can do that is by letting her know you know what she's been doing. That is, if you want an honest marriage. I play chicks left and right but I assume if you're planning on marrying a chick you have to be over that.

You break up with her, put the onus on her by saying her behavior has changed and she's not living up to what a wife should be (by not showing love and respect) and if that doesn't shame her into shaping up then it's time to break off the engagement.

The poster above this post has no clue about long term relationships.

 

[speed dawg]

The poster above this post has no clue about long term relationships.

Passive aggressive, eh?

 

[Boilermaker]

The poster above this post has no clue about long term relationships.

and you on the other hand, have total control of LTRs thanks to years of whale baiting in POF...

:yes:

 

[Zarky]

LOL at least I've banged close to 50 chicks at this point, which is about 40 more than the two of you combined

So instead of disagreeing with me, it would be far wiser to humbly ask for my opinion, and then nod your head and say "Thank you."

 

[Boilermaker]

LOL at least I've banged close to 50 chicks at this point, which is about 40 more than the two of you combined

So instead of disagreeing with me, it would be far wiser to humbly ask for my opinion, and then nod your head and say "Thank you."

Chicks?

you mean "barely" chicks, or biologically right?

Was anyone of them below 200lbs?

LOL, zarky ....

 

[Jules_Winfield]

Any time a man agrees to marry a chick, she automatically loses a fair amount of respect for him. It's not that surprising. Dump her and watch her stop doing these obnoxious behaviors.

I wouldn't "threaten to break up if she keeps it up" because that seems butthurt. I'd break up with her, then say "It just seemed like you'd lost a lot of love and respect for me lately, and I didn't want you to marry a guy you didn't respect." See what happens.

In regard to Zarky's first paragraph, he's right. In the second paragraph, I would never reference my hurt feelings, though.

 

[Zarky]

Was anyone of them below 200lbs?

Yes, to the guy who hasn't had a screw since the first decade of this century

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Suspected File Swap,
Modern life in the corporate Worlds grinding mills,can be for many very frustrating....The reaction to this in many people is aggressive behaviour,vented on whom?certainly not the creator of the stress...what does the song say?You always hurt the one you love....Why?because you can get away with it....Many couples use each other as emotional punching bags...when I was only about seven,it happened that my parents took me very late at night through the streets of Glasgow,a very rough place in those days...We happened on a real commotion,here was a drunken lout knocking the Pviss and pickhandles out of his wife...a crowd was forming and one likely Lad,with a strong sense of social justice,jumped in to protect the wife....Well,without further ado the brawling pair joined forces and commenced a joint attack on our Knight in Shining Armour...My parents both agreed that this was typical lower class behaviour....The upshot,I still carry as a precious vignette etched in my grey cells,the two strolling off one with the arm over the others shoulder,doubtless heading for the nearest hostelry to start all over again!

 

[PlayHer Man]

You're basically letting your fiance treat you like crap. She knows she can get away with it because she knows she is the best you can do. How does she know this? Because you haven't bumped her yet. :crackup:

The big question is --> Why are you putting up with this?

The second question is --> Why would you ever get married in 2013?

Imagine if you behaved the same way with her. Do you believe she would tolerate it or dump you? I agree with others who believe she has lost respect for you because you don't stand up for yourself. You eat sh!t and ask for more.

She has realized you are a weak man she can walk on. Now she just wants to find out how far she can go before you even consider leaving her. Pretty far apparently. :crackup:

 

[WoodB]

Something is clearly bothering your woman. You are not her shrink; you are her man. I've been through something similar. An ill wind is blowing in your direction. Tell her you don't appreciate her argumentative tendencies politely but directly. If she continues, I would prepare for an end for various reasons, the main one being, "What you see is what you get plus a whole lot more of it if you marry her.'