Few Questions about how to go about Transformation

[LifeonLock]

hey im from another PU forum but hopefull you guys can offer me some solid advice here...

im not exactly sure how to systematically go about solving my problems, so im gonna simplifiy it as best as i can

my problems.
1. introverted, care what people think of me, frightened to state my opinnions/draw attention to myself
2. ZERO experiance with girls physically, and verbally create a sexual vibe, i can tease well and maybe get a little attraction, but dont know who to make it sexual
3. feel like im on a different wavelength than most people aka cant vibe with them
4. friends do not share same goals as me, and im pulled back into chode behavoiurs whenever im with them as they are 10x chodier than me
sometimes ill be cool and vibe well, then the next minute ill be self-doubting and cant vibe well for ****

hard time taking action even in working out, work out 2 days then go watch teh pr0nz

its becoming really sickening to me, like i literally feel sick that im not getting results and getting these weird emotional ups and downs

even if i wasnt getting girls but still didnt have these emotional ups and downs were i feel like i cant vibe/relate to people id be all good

my goals
1. not become extroverted per say, because i feel naturally im more of a listener than a speaker, but i want to be able to draw attention to myself when i want to say something or state my opinnion
2. i want to have girls.......attracted to me, wanting me badly, i want choice in girls, wanna get sexual and PHYSICAL with them
3. and most importantly i wanna be able to build strong relationships with people, friends to the point were their day becomes 10x better just because im there with them

this thread is probably the best example of my goals and dreams and me letting go of what bothers me

how would i go about achieving these things? How would you if you were in my situation? which im sure some of you've been

id ask for you to be specific,

thanks

LifeonLock (hopefully soon)

 

[Jariel]

I think the main problem you face is the caring too much what people think. Once you conquer this, a lot of the other goals will start clicking into place.

I was extremely introverted at one time too, but I overcame it by taking baby steps. I made an effort to chat to shop assistants, people in my classes at uni and just generally made sure I kept doing it. Sure, it felt uncomfortable, but the whole point is to push through the discomfort.

Ultimately, however, my whole attitude changed when my long term girlfriend left me. It gutted me for a while, but when I got over it I realised something: I'd just survived the worst rejection of my life. I got through it. I was ok. I had gone through my life fearing rejection, scared that other people might think badly about me, but why? Rejection didn't kill me or ruin my life. It hurt for a while, but then I moved on. In fact, it even motivated me to improve myself.

So with that in mind, I started hitting on a lot more women. I got some successes and some rejections, but they were pretty painless compared to losing my ex. I started being myself more, making jokes and having fun around people. I used to worry that I might offend them or they might think I'm obnoxious, but it no longer mattered. It turned out they actually loved me more than ever.

I then started talking openly about sex with my friends and colleagues, making sexual jokes and innuendos, before talking more sexually to women (when appropriate of course). Worst that could happen is they'd get offended and reject me, but now that I didn't fear rejection, I didn't care. To my surprise, I've not had any woman reject my sexual advances.

So, in summary, just go out there and get some rejections, and notice how the pain is fleeting and how it's not as bad as you build it upto be. Once you can put this in perspective, you'll start to feel free to be yourself and open up more.

 

[LifeonLock]

hey jariel thanks for replying

really good advice, and i read some of the stuff on your signature

thanks

 

[handle]

Small, achievable goals. For instance, the gym: do it 2 days a week maybe. If you want to get serious about it you may want to go more than that, but for now just get your 2 days in. Schedule it so that you go straight from school or work or whatever right to the gym, that way you don't lie around the house and decide not to go.

As for social/girls: I would treat it as a holistic thing. Work on the friends bit and the girls will show up too. So just think of hanging out with people. I used to feel as you do -- that I'm thinking on a different level. But then I came to realize almost everyone thinks they're on some other level, it's only natural. Just tuck that thought aside and have a mindless chat here and there.