Female post breakup behaviour

[popsickle]

Hey everyone,

This is my first post on the forum so sorry if I made some basic mistakes.
Essentially, I started dating a girl about 1.5 years ago. I reckon I did a bad job at screening what I was actually looking for in a woman and went for her mostly for her looks.
We ended up going academic exchange together and this is where things turned sour. I am kind of a smooth talker, particularly when it comes to girls and it is true that I have quite a lot of girls gravitating around. She is really good looking, too and has no problem attracting guys. During this time abroad, she was constantly jealous and paranoid, leading to lots of fights, "small breakups", etc. Bottom line: I should've seen the rest coming.
I'll skip the part where we had a break which ultimately ended up as a breakup because what I'm interested in is the post breakup behaviour.
I've been doing good actually, going out much more than before, getting numbers and making out the night after our breakup. Within a week I had f-closed a gorgeous girl from the week before. Eventually I went down to business with 3 new girls in the span of 1 month. I was getting a lot more girls then ever before, but always keeping it casual.
What intrigues me is what went on on her side. I cut all contact with her, no facebook, no picture, no nothing. At some point a friend pointed out to me that she'd posted "couply" pictures with some new dude, as in they're holding hands and hugging and all that romantic stuff, and that's after like 3 weeks of breaking up. Technically their time there is limited as the semester is coming to an end, but I don't understand the purpose of this, especially so soon after a LTR and especially broadcasting it all over facebook. I don't think she's trying to get to me through this, but simply what is she doing?

Thanks for your help

 

[The Gambler]

She's trying to move on, as most good-looking gals will usually do. There are always plenty of guys available.

How far she has REALLY moved on is known only to her and her alone.

 

[popsickle]

The breakup itself didn't really affect me that much, say, compared to some previous relationships I've had. But I had no idea that something like that would sting, even a month after, even after I've been with multiple girls. Isn't the path to full recovery usually only upward sloping?

 

[GotED?]

Here's the fact of differences between a man and a woman after breakup:

- A man will take some time to reflect, lick the wounds, and heal a bit before going out and invest emotionally in another relationship (key word here is invest emotionally - you can still bang and dump all night long).

- A woman is driven purely by emotions, her strongest instinct and need is feeling wanted, security, and desired. This all has to be fulfilled or else her hamster cage comes crashing down the roof and goes into a depression. So even after a year a woman has swung branches, she may not have actually gotten over the EX-BF for the pure fact that she never took the time to heal herself and reflect, thus the feelings are just buried but not cut.

This is why lots of posters here say go NC after breakup, and after a year of time has passed, usually the EX is ready to be more receptive if so.

With respect,

Exodus

 

[Greasy Pig]

Read Rollo Tomasi's blog about "War Brides".
It sums up your situation perfectly.
Basically, women have been conditioned for millennia to move on quickly to a new man. Way faster than men are able to move on.

 

[popsickle]

Thanks for your insight. Just to clarify, he's not exotic but she is. The guy and I have the same ethnicity but we went to her home country. I agree that she most likely had her eyes on him for a while. As per the need for validation, why? She's the one who broke it off anyway. I didn't say a word and walked away. I suppose my ego is just bruised and I should keep meeting new women, but I can't help being bitter because of the "relationshipy" nature of those pictures as opposed to me having a lot of fun but keeping it light and most importantly keeping it to myself. What would be the best attitude to have back at our home school?

 

[Vantagepoint34]

IMO with all do respect you lost your aspect of being a challenge and maintaining mystery. By going out into territory that both of you are foreign to. This was doomed the minute both of you took off knowing that in this place you both were going to be immersed in a culture that's very different to you. You just weren't prepared to see this girls red flags. She flaked on you man! Once a flake always a flake. My ex cheerleader girlfriend can attest to being a flake in the face of adversity. Regroup and on the next girl be paced with your advances.

 

[j0504s]

How does No contact in reguards to winning her back, work in this sence? should this be expected that a female quikly "moves on" but the no contact gets her hamster wheel going? can someone break this down for me?

 

[popsickle]

I guess you could say she branch swung. But since everyone's going back to their respective schools in january, i don't understand the logic behind having something serious (or seems to be).
Also, don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to get her back. We had underlying issues that can't be resolved. I'm just amazed by what she's doing and wanna adopt the right attitute to keep my head high when we're around each other at school.

 

[dap]

How does No contact in reguards to winning her back, work in this sence? should this be expected that a female quikly "moves on" but the no contact gets her hamster wheel going? can someone break this down for me?

There are two kinds of no contact:

1. No contact early after meeting someone- this is done only briefly and just to show the girl that you are capable of walking away and have other options. She will usually reach out to you in which case you know she is interested.
2. No contact after a break up- this is indefinite and the only goal is for you to move on, not to get the girl back. If the girl tries to come back, more than likely she is just looking for validation so she can friendzone you again, not because she wants to rekindle the relationship.

The OP is doing NC #2. You should never confuse these.

 

[popsickle]

How does No contact in reguards to winning her back, work in this sence? should this be expected that a female quikly "moves on" but the no contact gets her hamster wheel going? can someone break this down for me?

I implemented no contact not as a means to get her back, just as a preventive method for me to move on faster and not be bothered with this kind of BS. I highly recommend it. I don't think there could be any sort of winning back at this point, even if I wanted to. As far as I'm concerned, there's one simple rule: cut all ties and have a lot of fun. That's what's best to move on.

 

[popsickle]

Tell your friends not to update you on your ex. Do not check her facebook (if you must have one). If she reaches out to you via phone, email, facebook, twitter, what have you, ignore it. If you see her around at school, act as if she is not there. If she approaches you to speak, remain cordial. If she updates you on how awesome her life is, do not reply in kind. Simply congratulate her and excuse yourself. Do not try and make her jealous. Do not play her games. You are a rock. She is emotional.

You are done with this woman. She is nothing more to you than someone you fvcked. A notch on your belt. Hopefully it was fun for you both while it lasted.


You're in what, college? Being single is much more fun than being in an exclusive relationship. Some of my greatest memories deal with 18-21 yo college chicks in heat.

Thanks a lot for the advice. Yeah I'm in college. Particularly, how do you deal with overlapping social circles?

 

[Vantagepoint34]

Tell your friends not to update you on your ex. Do not check her facebook (if you must have one). If she reaches out to you via phone, email, facebook, twitter, what have you, ignore it. If you see her around at school, act as if she is not there. If she approaches you to speak, remain cordial. If she updates you on how awesome her life is, do not reply in kind. Simply congratulate her and excuse yourself. Do not try and make her jealous. Do not play her games. You are a rock. She is emotional.

You are done with this woman. She is nothing more to you than someone you fvcked. A notch on your belt. Hopefully it was fun for you both while it lasted.


You're in what, college? Being single is much more fun than being in an exclusive relationship. Some of my greatest memories deal with 18-21 yo college chicks in heat.

On girls that are 18-22 are a waste of time. Little girls are fun but they aren't the type of girls you want to associate yourself with.

 

[popsickle]

I mean, I understand your point about girls that age that tend to be emotionally unstable, but at the same time this is exactly my age group so it's difficult to game solely outside that range. I'll just keep everything light until I graduate.