Female here asking for advice from guys

[XtremeRacingDiva]

Hey this is my first post so dont flame me.

Everytime I post and ask about a relationship question in female forums the only answer they seem to come up with is dump him and move on but most of them are single so what do they know anyways I figure the best advice on how to treat is guy is from a guy right? or am I wrong?

I been with my boyfriend for 2 months and been friends for a year before the relationship. We both ride sport bikes... I am still fairly new at it and he is very experianced reason why I dont ride with him.. he rides to fast and he stunts...

My problem is trying to get him to spend time with me. He is always "riding" with his buddies and doing things with them.

Today's his birthday and he said he was going to be busy spending time with his daughter and family. Saturday he will be doing to 2 funerals and Sunday is his father daughter day...so what day do I get to spend time with him?? A fvckin Monday....

why is he acting this way? He is starting to push me away... is this what he wants? Is he trying to break up with me?

What kind of clues do I look for?

 

[DJDamage]

You only been with him in a relationship for 2 months and you are being too glingy and needy like you are his wife.

He has his own life too you got to recognise that. Granted its buzy life and he is not making stuff up not to see you. If his life only allows him to see you once a week then so be it. He is happy and as a result that is what attracted you to him from the first place. He has to make that decision if he wants to spend more time with you. Trying to control his life and his hobbies will only going to make him resentful towards you.

If you don't like it then walk away.

 

[XtremeRacingDiva]

I kinda thought I was beening kinda clingy but taking advice from my friends... they told me to keep pushing him to spend time with me and saying that he wasnt really my boyfriend if he doesnt spend time with me... etc etc..


but thanks for clarifying that up

 

[Don Juanabbe]

Don't collaborate with the enemy!!!

 

[00Kevin]

Originally posted by XtremeRacingDiva
I kinda thought I was beening kinda clingy but taking advice from my friends... they told me to keep pushing him to spend time with me and saying that he wasnt really my boyfriend if he doesnt spend time with me... etc etc..


but thanks for clarifying that up

Don't worry about being clingy that is a good thing if you don't over do it. You are showing high interest and guys appreciate that.

Just don't get pissed off at him if he doesn't want to rush to your side all the time. Remember he is not your puppy dog that will run to you when you call him.

The next two months will be the telling tale for your relationship with this guy. You should just relax and go with the flow. Do whatever feels right and don't jump to conclusions regarding his interest level. If he spends quality time with you then just be happy.

I hate seeing my gf al the time and I wouldn't break the routine of mylife to spend more time with her (especially after 2 months) Infact, sometimes I only want to see her once a week. So just relax. It doesn't mean anything.

Guys don't break up with girls by flaking out. We just end it out right.

 

[Tempest]

Don't listen to your friends!

Yes, you ARE being too clingy. I hate it when this happens. I've had girls get OBSESSED with me... always asking me to do stuff with them, while I would never engage them to hang out. I hated it. It was boring and I would only be able to hang out with them once a week. It felt like they were my good deed of the week. But, I would always tell them... "if your feelings get hurt because of the way I live my life, then that's your problem, not mine."

There's a certain ESSENCE that you're missing out on. First, let me ask you. How do you make someone want something?

HOW?

Hmm... make it a challenge? Make it a benefit? Make it scarce? Tell them they can't have it?

It's HUMAN NATURE to want things we can't have. Once you have something, you don't really want it anymore.

Why are diamonds so valuable?

Because they're scarce! They're RARE.

You need to ADD VALUE to yourself. Make yourself valuable. Being beautiful isn't going to cut it, because beauty is common. There is always someone prettier than you, smarter than you, funnier than you, etc...

What activity right now is EVERYONE addicted to?

GAMBLING!

Why? Because it produces these EMOTIONAL swings in us, which we become addicted to. There's a reward, but it's RARE!

Okay, so how do you become a challenge?

Play hard to get. Call him MUCH less than you call him now. Only engage him to hang out once a week. Always end all interactions FIRST, including phone calls, online talks, dates, etc... just say "hey, I gotta run some errands" and end it - always leave him wanting MORE of you. Become unavailable - don't always accept every invitation he offers you... show that you have a life. Get a life. Don't talk to him on the phone so much. Just don't act clingy, needy or desperate! HUGE TURNOFF.

I can guarantee that you want him MORE because he is unavailable and playing hard to get. Again, it's human nature. It triggers something psychologically in us! This is how we attract you girls!

And finally, GIVE HIM THE GIFT OF MISSING YOU. Wait for him to call you up and invite you out. Meanwhile, hang out with your friends, flirt with more girls, and get a life.

 

[00Kevin]

Originally posted by XtremeRacingDiva
I kinda thought I was beening kinda clingy but taking advice from my friends... they told me to keep pushing him to spend time with me and saying that he wasnt really my boyfriend if he doesnt spend time with me... etc etc..


but thanks for clarifying that up

If you ever did that with me I would tell you to leave me the f-uck alone and just relax.

That is the worst advice ever.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Why do I get the feeling that the responses so far is mainly support for a comrade in arms, devoid of any information about what constitutes a fulfilling relationship (even if it's only been two months). I'm just going to keep my mouth shut.

 

[spider_007]

priorities, priorities, priorities.

He has a life. That's not a bad thing is it.

Go with the flow

 

[Tempest]

Originally posted by 00Kevin
Don't worry about being clingy that is a good thing if you don't over do it. You are showing high interest and guys appreciate that.

Just don't get pissed off at him if he doesn't want to rush to your side all the time. Remember he is not your puppy dog that will run to you when you call him.

The next two months will be the telling tale for your relationship with this guy. You should just relax and go with the flow. Do whatever feels right and don't jump to conclusions regarding his interest level. If he spends quality time with you then just be happy.

I hate seeing my gf al the time and I wouldn't break the routine of mylife to spend more time with her (especially after 2 months) Infact, sometimes I only want to see her once a week. So just relax. It doesn't mean anything.

Guys don't break up with girls by flaking out. We just end it out right.

You sound like a girlfriend, man. You might as well put your panties on and your little tutu and start walking down the street. And that's fine, if you're a GIRL! (thanks eric!)

I don't think you understand the psychology of attraction. And yes, I usually do end up breaking up with girls by flaking out.

 

[XtremeRacingDiva]

I dont think I have been that clingy... but who knows

the last time we went out to dinner was March 9th because it was my birthday....

I definately dont call him everyday.. but I guess I can cut back on calling him more than twice a week...

And while I am at it I can take my apartment keys back from him since he isnt using them...

 

[00Kevin]

Originally posted by Tempest
You sound like a girlfriend, man. You might as well put your panties on and your little tutu and start walking down the street. And that's fine, if you're a GIRL! (thanks eric!)

I don't think you understand the psychology of attraction. And yes, I usually do end up breaking up with girls by flaking out.

In other words, you act like a woman when you flake out.

 

[Muppet]

You sound JUST like me a few weeks ago. I was kinda always wanting to spend time with my G/F /friend of 2 years. She was always busy and had a lot more of a life then I did. And I kinda made her lose the feelings cause I was a bit to clingy/smuthering.

Well if he doesnt work out for ya I am free =) No bike yet though.

 

[00Kevin]

Originally posted by Tempest
Don't listen to your friends!

Yes, you ARE being too clingy. I hate it when this happens. I've had girls get OBSESSED with me... always asking me to do stuff with them, while I would never engage them to hang out. I hated it. It was boring and I would only be able to hang out with them once a week. It felt like they were my good deed of the week. But, I would always tell them... "if your feelings get hurt because of the way I live my life, then that's your problem, not mine."

There's a certain ESSENCE that you're missing out on. First, let me ask you. How do you make someone want something?

HOW?

Hmm... make it a challenge? Make it a benefit? Make it scarce? Tell them they can't have it?

It's HUMAN NATURE to want things we can't have. Once you have something, you don't really want it anymore.

Why are diamonds so valuable?

Because they're scarce! They're RARE.

You need to ADD VALUE to yourself. Make yourself valuable. Being beautiful isn't going to cut it, because beauty is common. There is always someone prettier than you, smarter than you, funnier than you, etc...

What activity right now is EVERYONE addicted to?

GAMBLING!

Why? Because it produces these EMOTIONAL swings in us, which we become addicted to. There's a reward, but it's RARE!

Okay, so how do you become a challenge?

Play hard to get. Call him MUCH less than you call him now. Only engage him to hang out once a week. Always end all interactions FIRST, including phone calls, online talks, dates, etc... just say "hey, I gotta run some errands" and end it - always leave him wanting MORE of you. Become unavailable - don't always accept every invitation he offers you... show that you have a life. Get a life. Don't talk to him on the phone so much. Just don't act clingy, needy or desperate! HUGE TURNOFF.

I can guarantee that you want him MORE because he is unavailable and playing hard to get. Again, it's human nature. It triggers something psychologically in us! This is how we attract you girls!

And finally, GIVE HIM THE GIFT OF MISSING YOU. Wait for him to call you up and invite you out. Meanwhile, hang out with your friends, flirt with more girls, and get a life.

The problem with this advice is that it suggests that a woman should act more like a man.

In case you didn't know already, women should be clingly and they should be emotional. That is the natural order of things. You are telling this girl to act like a DJ. You don't tell a girl not to act clingy, needy, or desperate. Are you a ****in retard or something? don't you know that women ARE clingy, needy, and desperate? Women are emotional creatures and what they find attractive is very different then what a man finds attractive. Do you really think that this guy is going to find her attractive if she acts like a man? That is just plain stupid. He won't find her attractive anymore if she listens to your stupid advice. Tell her to BE a woman and ACT like a woman. That is the best advice you can give a woman.

You don't understand anything about women. You have to learn to apprecate women for the way they are made and stop trying to suggest that a woman be strong and emotionless. That is what the feminists promote and you are brainwashed by them.

Your advice is very bad because it will simply create a power struggle in the relationship.

You are infact the one who understands nothing about attraction.
If your advice was directed toward a man then I might agree with you, but In this case I completely reject it.

 

[frivolousz21]

Its good to see the "great pimps of this forum can come here and talk like they are gods of life"


Listen....he probably is into you...but he has diff priorities.

this whole thing about he has to live his own life?

thats some bull****!

think of it this way. Does he want you to be apart of his life?


Ive been dating women since I was 14...and everyman wants a women to be a big part of there life.....dont listen to the stone cold hard ass's on here..who are out saving the earth 24/7!

they think if they actaually let her in...they will look needy and clingy...being needy and clingy come from desperation and low self esteem...

if you have ur head on ur shoulders, high self esteem and self worth..then your making choices for yourself.

you need to find out how important you are to him..2 months isnt that long..and it also depends on how fast the emotional attachment grows. but you said you were friends first? and now he doesnt make time for you as his friend and lover?

it is also possible he is busy..therefor you have to choose if you want that or not!

good luck.

and dont listen to the Hard ass Key board jockeys who claim to know what they are talking about..when they sound like the are reading a script

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by frivolousz21
Its good to see the "great pimps of this forum can come here and talk like they are gods of life"


Listen....he probably is into you...but he has diff priorities.

this whole thing about he has to live his own life?

thats some bull****!

think of it this way. Does he want you to be apart of his life?...

I seldom see such insight from someone so young (no offense).

 

[Wyldfire]

I find it somewhat ironic that when a guy posts about how his girlfriend isn't spending enough time with him you guys say stuff like "If she doesn't make time for you, she isn't really into you." Yet your advice is much different to this woman.

To the thread starter...because you aren't getting enough of his attention you are likely to be tempted to created conflict and problems to force him to pay some attention to you. Resist that urge. Go develop new interests and hobbies and pull away from him some. The next time he wants to spend time with you...have something else to do. The fastest way to make your boyfriend want more intimacy and closeness with you is for you to stop acting like you want it. Don't be a biotch about it or be hurtful...just make the guy miss you and want to see you more.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Real easy, what do you look like? Could you stand to lose 10lbs.? Have you even had sex with him yet?

That sounds crass and superficial doesn't it? The truth will set you free, but it doesn't mean it'll hurt any less. And the truth is no guy on planet earth would put off a woman he was hot for for any reason. Guys will climb barbed wire and run through mine fields to get laid if they think it's that good (and sometimes even when it's not). It has nothing to do with clingy-ness or the state of your relationship. The fact is men have one condition for their intimacy - you've gotta be hot. Women can have a whole laundry list of prerequisites for their own intimacy, men have just this one.

The reason I asked what you look like is because you stated you began as 'friends'. When a woman gets involved (rarely) from the friends state it's usually the guy that has become the objective of the girl. This is classic 'chubby girl' behavior. Just like guys in the LJBF state, she becomes the friend in an effort to 'win him over', only to later find out that he's not that into her. Even when a thicky spreads her legs for a guy he'll hit it (given enough motivation), but often that's not enough to keep his interest in a relationship.

 

[Tempest]

Originally posted by 00Kevin
The problem with this advice is that it suggests that a woman should act more like a man.

In case you didn't know already, women should be clingly and they should be emotional. That is the natural order of things. You are telling this girl to act like a DJ. You don't tell a girl not to act clingy, needy, or desperate. Are you a ****in retard or something? don't you know that women ARE clingy, needy, and desperate? Women are emotional creatures and what they find attractive is very different then what a man finds attractive. Do you really think that this guy is going to find her attractive if she acts like a man? That is just plain stupid. He won't find her attractive anymore if she listens to your stupid advice. Tell her to BE a woman and ACT like a woman. That is the best advice you can give a woman.

You don't understand anything about women. You have to learn to apprecate women for the way they are made and stop trying to suggest that a woman be strong and emotionless. That is what the feminists promote and you are brainwashed by them.

Your advice is very bad because it will simply create a power struggle in the relationship.

You are infact the one who understands nothing about attraction.
If your advice was directed toward a man then I might agree with you, but In this case I completely reject it.

Wrong, man. Wrong, wrong, WRONG! The advice which I supplied applies the EXACT same to women. Marie, from the DYD Interview series suggests the SAME THINGS to women.

You're saying if a woman is CLINGY and NEEDY towards you that it's attractive? Give me a break! These aren't strict rules which only apply to men here... it's part of HUMAN PSYCHOLOGY. It applies to HUMANS, not just males.

Anyways, my evidence is supported by psychology research, David DeAngelo, and Marie, from the interview series (who teaches this stuff for women).

Your beliefs are too logical and based off what your mom probably told you or what you saw on tv. Change your beliefs, man. I supose my advice on getting a life is terrible, too!

This is based off of EXPERIENCE. Get in the field, man! Get a life!

 

[00Kevin]

Originally posted by Wyldfire
I find it somewhat ironic that when a guy posts about how his girlfriend isn't spending enough time with him you guys say stuff like "If she doesn't make time for you, she isn't really into you." Yet your advice is much different to this woman.

To the thread starter...because you aren't getting enough of his attention you are likely to be tempted to created conflict and problems to force him to pay some attention to you. Resist that urge. Go develop new interests and hobbies and pull away from him some. The next time he wants to spend time with you...have something else to do. The fastest way to make your boyfriend want more intimacy and closeness with you is for you to stop acting like you want it. Don't be a biotch about it or be hurtful...just make the guy miss you and want to see you more.

This is good advice. Just go with the flow and relax. there is nothing you need to do