Female friends and vulnerability

[usernamedox11]

Anyone here notice you can't even be emotionally vulnerable with platonic female friends? I notice the once I friendzone a girl, become vulnerable with her, she more and more does not want to be my friend...

But her being completely emotionally vulnerable with you is cool.

Anyone else have similar experiences?

 

[Mike32ct]

Anyone here notice you can't even be emotionally vulnerable with platonic female friends? I notice the once I friendzone a girl, become vulnerable with her, she more and more does not want to be my friend...

But her being completely emotionally vulnerable with you is cool.

Anyone else have similar experiences?

Yes, correct.

The first problem is that women can't fully separate attraction from friendship. If you do ANYTHING that makes her LESS attracted to you, her "respect" for you as a friend will usually decline too. I mean, if my best guy friend says something weak or vulnerable, I would never think less of him. He's still my buddy. I also wouldn't think any less of a female friend that vented or was vulnerable to me. But women have this sort of "friendship interest level" that varies proportionately to their "attraction interest level." They just can't fully separate the two.

The second problem is gossip. Women generally cannot keep a secret, except if their best gf is cheating on her man lol. Anything weak and vulnerable that you tell a female friend WILL be leaked to others. So you lose points with your female friend AND any other chicks that find out.

It's too bad because sometimes, as men, we might WANT a sister figure in our lives to vent to sometimes. But unless you actually HAVE a sister, forget it. A female friend doesn't want to be your sister.

 

[El Payaso]

Yes, correct.

The first problem is that women can't fully separate attraction from friendship. If you do ANYTHING that makes her LESS attracted to you, her "respect" for you as a friend will usually decline too. I mean, if my best guy friend says something weak or vulnerable, I would never think less of him. He's still my buddy. I also wouldn't think any less of a female friend that vented or was vulnerable to me. But women have this sort of "friendship interest level" that varies proportionately to their "attraction interest level." They just can't fully separate the two.

The second problem is gossip. Women generally cannot keep a secret, except if their best gf is cheating on her man lol. Anything weak and vulnerable that you tell a female friend WILL be leaked to others. So you lose points with your female friend AND any other chicks that find out.

It's too bad because sometimes, as men, we might WANT a sister figure in our lives to vent to sometimes. But unless you actually HAVE a sister, forget it. A female friend doesn't want to be your sister.

SPOT ON analysis. Couldn't have said it better.

 

[patrick.de]

Quite some bull**** in this thread.
Women are very good at separating friendship from attraction, which is the reason they put guys in the friendzone and it's so hard to get out of it.
Never had my female friends lose interest in me as a friend either when I was emotionally vulnerable. Stop reading this sexist and mysoginist bull**** and become human again.

 

[Mike32ct]

Quite some bull**** in this thread.
Women are very good at separating friendship from attraction, which is the reason they put guys in the friendzone and it's so hard to get out of it.

Friendzone is generally due to LACK of initial attraction which is usually a looks issue, OR she was initially attracted to you and you didn't make a move and she lost interest/attraction/respect for you.

Women generally look down on guys they aren't attracted to, unless of course he makes a lot of money or achieves more status or starts dating someone else. Then she might have more respect for the guy that she wouldn't want to sleep with.



Never had my female friends lose interest in me as a friend either when I was emotionally vulnerable. Stop reading this sexist and mysoginist bull**** and become human again.

They can tolerate the vulnerability in small doses. But overdo a "whine-fest," and female friends WILL start to pull back. I'm not saying they're evil. I'm just being a realist.

 

[YawataNoKami]

Female friend=purple unicorn

 

[zekko]

The male role is to be strong, not vulnerable. Like it or not, you are a male so you are stuck playing that role. "When the going gets tough, the tough get going". It's a hard role, but it's a good one.

Secondly, despite the black and white "friendzone vs. attraction" stuff you hear in PUA circles, there are all manner of friendships between the sexes. Some girls like to keep you around as a friend because you are attractive and they know other women will be jealous when they see them with you.

With that in mind, "orbiters" get a bad name around here. Now, no one wants to be an orbiter. But there are worse things, such as a guy who is not even attractive enough to be an orbiter. Being an orbiter would be a step up for some of the guys around here.

 

[devilkingx2]

good female friends are rare.

in my experience, 90% of them are utter crap, like they don't care about you unless they want you inside them.

9% are rather mediocre friends, the equivalent of guy acquiantences or friends you're not close with. these are okay but not close/best friend material

the remaining 1% is the girl who is a truly good friend and deserves to be ranked amongst your favorite guy friends, the only girl i know who is anything like this used to like me and i'm trying to get her back with an unknown amount of success, so this might actually be 0% and she may not actually count as an entirely platonic female friend.

by this breakdown, only between 1 and 10% of females would be worthy of any sort of vulnerability from you, those are pretty low odds.