Female Friend :: Disengaging

[Buddha_Mind]

Here is my dilemma, and I would be interested in perspectives:

I've had a female friend now for about five years. We were friends through college, and I've helped her out and spent time with her countless times. It hasn't been until this last year that I've started understanding where I've been making mistakes again and again with women. This website has been a tool. And these changes have led to positive experiences, and more women in my life -- choices and options, being sought out and desired.

But it so too has led me to reflect upon some of my current situations. Such as this female friend. This girl has flirted back and forth with me since we've known each other; but deep down inside I know now that I could never be in a relationship with her, and I have, for the most part, been her counselor and therapist for too long. Been there to supplement at times, what she wasn't getting out of her fvck buddies.

Long ago when I initiated with her, I was a glorious AFC, blind to my own mistakes. I stopped caring for her after awhile, at which time she began caring about me -- but I just lost interest, momentum. She's worked to keep the friendship going, reestablishing (likely to preserve her own ego). But I'm tired. I don't give a fvk anymore.

I've been distancing myself from her steadily. Abstaining from responding to texts, phone calls, ect. I'd like to communicate how I'm feeling -- if nothing more than -- hey, this has gone on too long and is a BS friendship. But I'm not sure how to go about it in any sort of graceful fashion that won't unfold into some three hour phone conversation -- but I would like her to know there is a reason behind disengaging. And I'd like to come out on top. She's mind fcked me too long.

How can I go about this without sounding a cold assh0le?

 

[CarlitosWay]

Here is my dilemma, and I would be interested in perspectives:

I've had a female friend now for about five years. We were friends through college, and I've helped her out and spent time with her countless times. It hasn't been until this last year that I've started understanding where I've been making mistakes again and again with women. This website has been a tool. And these changes have led to positive experiences, and more women in my life -- choices and options, being sought out and desired.

But it so too has led me to reflect upon some of my current situations. Such as this female friend. This girl has flirted back and forth with me since we've known each other; but deep down inside I know now that I could never be in a relationship with her, and I have, for the most part, been her counselor and therapist for too long. Been there to supplement at times, what she wasn't getting out of her fvck buddies.

Long ago when I initiated with her, I was a glorious AFC, blind to my own mistakes. I stopped caring for her after awhile, at which time she began caring about me -- but I just lost interest, momentum. She's worked to keep the friendship going, reestablishing (likely to preserve her own ego). But I'm tired. I don't give a fvk anymore.

I've been distancing myself from her steadily. Abstaining from responding to texts, phone calls, ect. I'd like to communicate how I'm feeling -- if nothing more than -- hey, this has gone on too long and is a BS friendship. But I'm not sure how to go about it in any sort of graceful fashion that won't unfold into some three hour phone conversation -- but I would like her to know there is a reason behind disengaging. And I'd like to come out on top. She's mind fcked me too long.

How can I go about this without sounding a cold assh0le?

Since she's a friend and nothing more. You can be straight up and just let her know you still care for her as a good friend but at times she can drain you a bit to much with her issues which you feel isn't fair to you at all. That's what I would do honestly.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

I do have a level of discussion and rapport with her that I could probably bring it up. I'm not sure where it might go. But the deeper issue I'm facing: is this friendship even worth saving? It was initiated by attraction and lust, which did not gel due to some poor strategies on my part initially -- but a friendship did take. It's just at this point in my life -- and the ways I'm trying to improve my understandings of women -- is it even healthy for me to have a chatty female friend continually mentioning males or expressing her emotional struggles to me?

I do care about her. She's been there during my struggles, and has come to me during her own.

Should the role of a male ever be to listen to a woman's emotional struggles?

Guess I should just maybe open a dialogue with her. Over-thinking has gotten me confused.

 

[CarlitosWay]

I do have a level of discussion and rapport with her that I could probably bring it up. I'm not sure where it might go. But the deeper issue I'm facing: is this friendship even worth saving? It was initiated by attraction and lust, which did not gel due to some poor strategies on my part initially -- but a friendship did take. It's just at this point in my life -- and the ways I'm trying to improve my understandings of women -- is it even healthy for me to have a chatty female friend continually mentioning males or expressing her emotional struggles to me?

I do care about her. She's been there during my struggles, and has come to me during her own.

Should the role of a male ever be to listen to a woman's emotional struggles?

Guess I should just maybe open a dialogue with her. Over-thinking has gotten me confused.

I think every guy should have at least one or two women in their life they can talk to about pretty much everything. I just built up a great relationship with this one chic (cousins ex-girlfriend, so even if I could I wouldn't make it more then friends)

We talk about everything from sex to this and that. of course I never take her dating advice. Actually lately I've been teaching her how not get played. She's straight up with me and I am to. It's GREAT. Plus any time I need a wing girl she's down.

Just let her know man what's up and see how you can benefit from having a girl like this in your life.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

It is nice having her in my life in some ways. I can talk about sex with her, all sorts of things -- pretty much anything at all. Maybe there are at times different feelings I have towards her. I know that she has them at times for myself too.

I'm just not sure how to tell her, "hey, listening to your man problems is not what I want to do". Or perhaps that phrasing is exactly what is needed.

re: Carlito: I appreciate your words and it has helped my mind.