Feels Like Im Doing the Wrong Thing

[ssj245]

It feels that everytime that I look at a girl or think about starting a convo, or that I am in a convo that I am doing the wrong thing, or that I'm going to be thought as a pervert or sexual predator.

When I look at a girl or think about moving or making a move of opening that she is going to shut me down and make me look stupid in front of everyone.

When I get into a convo, I get nervous and performance anxiety and I start to think about doing good or bad and that gets in the way of me being able to think clearly and vibing.

Why do I get nervous? What underlying thoughts or beliefs are causing me to feel this way? whats the best way to change these thoughts and beliefs?

 

[DJnoob]

What was your past like? And what have you been doing your whole life. I belive your behavior is somewhat connected to your past.

 

[Soprano]

sexual predator.

just dont open with "so did you hear about the girl who got kidnapped and raped in new jersey...."

 

[stalluproar]

It sounds like you have a predispositioned frame that whatever you say to a girl, she is going to think you are dirty minded. I used to be that way and it was tough to crack. The best thing to do is just say what you are going to say. If she brings up that you are too sexual or you have no chance, tell her since when did I say I wanted sex with you. Or, you can say I need comfort and a strong connection before I can do that, you need to try harder.

Of course, only use this card when she is obviously thinking you are just like every other guy.

 

[Antedeus]

It sounds like you have a predispositioned frame that whatever you say to a girl, she is going to think you are dirty minded. I used to be that way and it was tough to crack. The best thing to do is just say what you are going to say. If she brings up that you are too sexual or you have no chance, tell her since when did I say I wanted sex with you. Or, you can say I need comfort and a strong connection before I can do that, you need to try harder.

Of course, only use this card when she is obviously thinking you are just like every other guy.

I like that idea. I've got something of a similar problem myself; I got falsely accused of sexual harrassment a little over a year ago, by a friend of a friend, and I lost a few friends over it. And this is a small school, so one never knows who has or hasn't heard what false rumor, so I've been super-cautious since then. And believe me, it's sucked. -_-

But I like your approach; I'll give it a try. Especially since I'm graduating in the next month, so I've got nothing to lose. ~_^

 

[Tomatoes]

Problem is your putting the girls on a pedistool for one. Its just a person. You can talk to a person right? Just dont treat it like your picking them up.

An example. When i feel nervous around a girl I will talk to her like shes one of my customers at work. Rather than selling a product thow. Im selling myself.

Relax a little. Shes only human like you and is prob just as nervous if not more so. She may shoot you down but if you never try you never know....and you will never get a girlfriend or sex. Think of it that way

Dont think...."I may look stupid". Think "I have to do this, otherwise i will not have a sex life"