Feeling pissed off, mid life crisis?

[englishman]

I wrote this, then read what I wrote. I think I sound like a bloke in the throws of a midlife thing. Anyway;

Feeling a bit pissed off today.
I met this chick (early 30's, Korean, HB 6, bit plump), met up a couple of times, had her back at my place, laid on the kino.
Things seemed OK and we were going to go see avatar the following week. I texted her day before "hey how about movie tomorrow 7pm?"
Her "great, yes"
Me "OK I'll call you in afternoon"

So I call her, and she says " I just got home, and I dont want to go out because its raining and I dont want to get wet"

She only lives a few blocks away, so I said "oh, let me look outside and see how much its raining"

I looked outside and it was bone dry, I said to her "oh dear, yes its pouring"

She "Lets go tomorrow maybe"

Now I'd knocked off work early to get home and shower and get ready, and if she'd said, Im tired, or got cramps or some legit and reasonable excuse I would have been good with that. But "its raining and I dont want to get wet" and it wasn't raining at all *&$%

So today I texted her and said " Sorry I saw avatar already, I went with my other friend last night. 'She has an umberela'. It was great."

She came back with "oh, well have a good day" as in who gives a fvck? who knows from a text.

And then I threw her number.

Im glad I handled it the way I did, at one time I probably would have gone back for a beating a few more times. But I didnt get any pvssy either and havent for a while.

Ive had to work like a fvcking animal for about 3 years now. Had 2 deaths in the family and had to fly over to the UK and the fall out from the tragedy of it all knocked me sideways, and I think my confidence went with it to.

Something I'm really aware of nowadays is that life is not that long when you break it down into decades. 20's your full of piss and vinegar. 30's your not a kid anymore. Soon your in your 40's and middle aged, maybe a couple health probs. Then **** your in your 50's and you know that WTF this is the last decade before my 60's and hey after that its my 70's and thats pretty fvckin old!

Not long really. I'm 48 soon, banged some gorgeous chicks in my time and a few fuglies too!

Any one else out there in mature DJ land who can relate to what Im saying, can throw in some inspiration?

I want to get my game back, but im struggling with a lot of things at once and feeling a bit like the guy from American beauty.

 

[zekko]

So today I texted her and said " Sorry I saw avatar already, I went with my other friend last night. 'She has an umberela'. It was great."

Love that. By the way, I definitely recommend seeing that movie in 3D if you have the option. I can't imagine it being the same otherwise.

I suppose I should answer this post because it was something of a midlife crisis that made me come to this forum in the first place. Basically, I was feeling a bit like you, 49, middle aged, I don't have many years left. I'm in a solid LTR but I couldn't help but feel that I was getting to the point where my age was starting to affect my potential dating options. The funny thing is, there are guys here who are 30 and they're worried about their age which makes me LMFAO. These guys are right in their prime for the game and they don't even realize it.

I'm surprised there aren't more forums or threads for men in midlife crisis. It's a difficult thing because it challenges your whole IDENTITY. One minute you think you're a sexually desireable man, then the next you start wondering wait a minute, am I just an old guy now? I had always looked at my age as an advantage, knowing that women like older men, but I started to wonder if I had crossed the line, or if I hadn't, how many more years do I have left before I do?

Anyway, when you get right down to it, worrying about your age is an AFC thing to do. Stay confident, manly, and in shape and good things will happen for you. I don't know how many years I have left but I decided I'm not at that point yet. Coming here has helped my attitude a lot. Growing old gracefully is one of the most distinguished things you can do. You know what they say, life is not for the faint of heart.

 

[jophil28]

So I call her, and she says " I just got home, and I dont want to go out because its raining and I dont want to get wet"

Yeah, it's kinda pathetic when they can't even invent a creative excuse to flake.

I am gonna steal your comeback about the umbrella. Nice.

 

[squirrels]

You say you're "not a kid any more" at 30, yet at 47 you're still using text messaging to set up dates??

 

[DMSR76]

Although the umbrella line was amusing, I don't think it was necessary. Hear me out... I definitely understand the temptation to initiate a game of one-upsmanship with a flaky female. However, in cases like this, it's probably more prudent to next the broad and walk away with dignity. From your account, she didn't seek you out the next day to provoke a battle of wills... You sought her out.

The fact that you contacted her to deliver the news of your replacement date comes across as a bit petty. More importantly, it probably revealed to her that you were affected by her classlessness. Never give a woman that type of satisfaction. I doubt if this chick cared whether you took someone else to the movie, since her interest was apparentlly so low that she offered the lamest of lame excuses for not accompanying you in the first place. Avoid stooping to the level of a low-value woman by making a classless gesture of your own.


BTW, squirrels makes a good point. A mature man initiating dates and jousting via text is not a good look. It's beneath a man of your profile.

 

[englishman]

You say you're "not a kid any more" at 30, yet at 47 you're still using text messaging to set up dates??

I know ther'ed be somebody who had to come out with some odd comment.

 

[englishman]

Although the umbrella line was amusing, I don't think it was necessary.

Yeah I think you make a fair point. In the end though I was acting more out of wanting to get a dig in there its true. I think it's just the frustration I'm feeling at the moment, bit burned out and could use a bit of good loving to get me back on track.
Not so sure about the text messaging women being a bad idea. I find it a good way at times as Im busy etc... If im on a construction site and its noisy as hell or in the middle of a group of people sending a text saying "i'll call you tonight 7pm then calling at 7pm seems alright"?

 

[englishman]

I'm surprised there aren't more forums or threads for men in midlife crisis. It's a difficult thing because it challenges your whole IDENTITY.

Thanks Zekko, yep... different getting older. Maybe its like my buddy says 'your only as old as the women you feel' haha

 

[DMSR76]

Yeah I think you make a fair point. In the end though I was acting more out of wanting to get a dig in there its true. I think it's just the frustration I'm feeling at the moment, bit burned out and could use a bit of good loving to get me back on track.
Not so sure about the text messaging women being a bad idea. I find it a good way at times as Im busy etc... If im on a construction site and its noisy as hell or in the middle of a group of people sending a text saying "i'll call you tonight 7pm then calling at 7pm seems alright"?

I understand ya, friend. We've all been there at one time or another. Keep your integrity intact and you will surely attract more women who mirror that integrity. I've noticed that as my perspective and personal standards have improved, so too have the attitudes and integrity of the women that I attract and keep around.



Text messaging can be very effective in certain circumstances. It's especially effective when a person is in transit, at work, etc. However, the downside to too much texting can be a overall waning of attraction and more frustrating flake experiences.

Many women are a lot more willing to go back and forth with texts because they fear the confrontational nature of actual conversations with men. Texting buys them time to give filtered responses, and it also allows them leeway to impersonally flake without having to sweat out or vocalize an improptu excuse. Often the same woman who will liberally screen phone calls will faithfully respond to text. In the meantime, the man is given a false sense of cooperation because he thinks her text responses equate interest. When the woman inevitably flakes, he gets frustrated by what appears to be contradictory behavior.

All that said, a phone call will give you a much better indication of woman's interest. If she screens the call, at least you don't waste extra time playing text games with woman who has low-interest. BTW, the occasional phone call from her (or lack thereof) is an even better indicator of her interest.

 

[azanon]

Yeah I think you make a fair point. In the end though I was acting more out of wanting to get a dig in there its true. I think it's just the frustration I'm feeling at the moment, bit burned out and could use a bit of good loving to get me back on track.
Not so sure about the text messaging women being a bad idea. I find it a good way at times as Im busy etc... If im on a construction site and its noisy as hell or in the middle of a group of people sending a text saying "i'll call you tonight 7pm then calling at 7pm seems alright"?

He made an excellent point, actually. Your wanting to get that dig in, effectively did exactly what he said. Live and learn.

 

[sodbuster]

Who said I need to grow old gracefully? I'm growing old kicking and screaming my resistance to aging

 

[ElChoclo]

I was thinking the same thing about decade size chunks myself Englishman. You can look at it like that. When you are say 50 you're headed towards 60 and its going to come up fast. Then you look back from 40 to 50 and you start to sound like John Malkovich in Burn After Reading.

The journey from 60 to 70 doesn't bear thinking about. Life is more like a long race than a sprint. The losers are those who die early. The man who makes it to 100 and still has a hard on, is the winner. Look on that as a variation on "Whoever dies with the most toys wins."

 

[englishman]

I was thinking the same thing about decade size chunks "

Seems a bit like money ElChoclo, when you have 100k you spend a thousand and dont feel to stressed.
When your down to 1100 dollars then that same thousand is a lot!

When your 20 a couple years not a big deal, when your 80 2 years more is fvkin wonderfull. Thats how I think it is.

I find things hard to be honest as a guy.I think I should repeat that, "I find it hard" I mean I have do the approach, risk rejection. Get the number and then call, set up the date. Make sure shes all happy and going to say yes. Then arrange the date, mostly pay for the date. Apply kino, blah blah blah. etc.. etc...

All to get *****, which I think should be pretty natural between men and women really.

Im not a guy whos hardly got laid, ive probably slept with a couple of hundred over the years, I was married once briefly so 6-8 or so women a year and it adds up.

This city that I live in gets to me too. Ive traveled a lot and I find here that the men seem to have spoiled the women, grovelling and throwing money at them etc... The women have far to many choices and 90% of the guys appear to have no backbone and put the women up on a pedestal.

For an experiment I put an add up on Plenty of fish, I cut and pasted a profile of a good looking women from another city and put it on 'women looking for men'.

The response was a real eye opener, guys throwing themselves at this broad, instant message after instant message. All trying there damndest to attract this HB. Some trying all this sh1t that we learn on here. AFC's being all nice etc.

Must be great being a HB like that, I make no wonder they have an attitude, I'm sure I'd end up the same way.

Anyway, thanks for the replies. I think the phase Im in will pass, in fact I know it will.

 

[englishman]

The last thing a woman wants is to be a mans only/best option; it in fact repulses her.

.

Strange world we live in though if a women is repulsed at the thought of a man thinking she is his best option?

Your probably right, but thats the kind of wierd sh1t that I have to wade through.

I have a friend who treats them like dirt and does quite well.

Thats OK, but that too is a fvcked up sign of the times.

I can feel the 'is a foreign women better? ' thread coming on.

 

[zekko]

I'm normally the first person to advocate no contact as being the best course, but in this case I honestly see nothing wrong with Englishman's umbrella remark. He was just calling her on her "I don't want to get wet" BS, showed that he was moving on, and showed that she missed out. I think she had it coming, and who cares what she thinks from this point on?

I don't think it came across as needy or desperate at all. Assuming, of course, that he has nexted her and goes no contact from here on out.

 

[jophil28]

I'm normally the first person to advocate no contact as being the best course, but in this case I honestly see nothing wrong with Englishman's umbrella remark. He was just calling her on her "I don't want to get wet" BS, showed that he was moving on, and showed that she missed out. I think she had it coming, and who cares what she thinks from this point on?

I don't think it came across as needy or desperate at all. Assuming, of course, that he has nexted her and goes no contact from here on out.

I agree with Zekko with one reservation.

The "umbrella" comment was pretty clever in itself, BUT it's impact on her was probably not all that the OP hoped because of her obvious low IL.
He sent it to her BEFORE she contacted him, and that diluted it's effectiveness.

I would have NOT contacted her after she bailed but waited until she called me because she was busting her brain with curiousity because I wasn't chasing her. Then the power has shifted back.

 

[englishman]

You can't "call out" a woman who isn't interested. He didn't show he was moving on, all he did was show that he wasn't able to move on. And the thought that he was showing her that she missed out, ha, missed out on what? A boring movie date with a guy she wasn't interested in? All he did was show his hand that she was his best/only option and thereby put the nail in his coffin.

As for the OP having nailed "over 200 women", he made blunder after blunder throughout this entire interaction.

His idea of showing a woman a good time is inviting her to sit in a crowded room for 3 hours in silence = this guy is boring, how am I going to get out of this one?

He texts her the night before the date to confirm, then informs her that he is going to contact her again the afternoon of the date to reconfirm yet again = deep insecurity about if she is going to actually follow through. He should of set up the time and then showed up. Note this was the exact moment she decided to flake.

He was so giddy for a date with an average looking chunker that he "took off work early and showered." = she's already on his pedestal of worship.

After these attraction destroying actions, she flakes.

He then lashes out with overt communication about how he took another woman out = he sat at home frustrated and pouting and finally he acted out on his desperation that she is his best/only option.

The OP also displays rampant insecurity about his age when he is actually in his prime and should be walking proud.

Life took a dump on him and his confidence is shot. He needs to pick his chin up, square up his shoulders, stop taking things so personally and get back his swagger.

DonS chill out man, I think you've been reading too many pick up strategies and your about to crash and burn from info overload.

When I nailed the majority of those women I'd never heard of so suave, and I did just fine.

All the internet talk of what move you should have done or not done is just 'book smarts' the fact of the matter is that the chick was showing high interest.

The full story isnt in my origional post to be fair, but she was saying things like "id love to see the movie (with you) my friends have been asking me to go but I was waiting to go with you. (as we had discussed going before)

I phoned her one time and left her a message, she called me back and asked where I was, I told her on my way home. She said she was close to the station and she'd wait for me there.

Then she phoned again to see if I was still coming. I met her took her back to my house and learned her how to play guitar and salsa dance. She said she wanted us to go dancing together. She also sent a text after midnite saying thanks and she had a really good time. Hardly low interest.

The fact of the matter is she flaked, I was pissed off at that and let her know and yes, she probably read correctly some anger and frustration in my message.

In defence of my reputation I have to say that, I can't be that boring.
I can honestly say I have in my time had 3 women on 2 different occasions want to bang me in a foursome one of whom I had nailed the week before.

Another time a women walked up to me and asked "I suppose a fvcks out of the question" it wasn't.

The last chick I was banging on a regular basis was 24 and a looker and I nailed a gorgeous young women a while back in Paris, I was in the shower and she just walked in naked and said I hope this is OK.

At the moment I'm struggling a bit, I've been through a fvck of a lot. Big stuff like my brother taking his life and nursing my mum through cancer.

When I have to do a monkey dance to make women decide wether I'm worthy of being alowed to spend time with them and then foot the bill, I must admit I get a bit pissed off.

Where not trying to crack the enigma code here, although to hear all the strategies and such you might think we were. I'm just wanting to do what comes naturaly.
Personaly I think more guys should let women know that there pissed off when they get flaked on, and that, that's why they won't be calling again.

 

[zekko]

You can't "call out" a woman who isn't interested. He didn't show he was moving on, all he did was show that he wasn't able to move on. And the thought that he was showing her that she missed out, ha, missed out on what?

What I'm saying is she wasn't interested so who cares what she thinks? He had a good line, he got it in and blew off some frustration, so what? Is he supposed to be worrying that she might not think he's a big pimp now because he texted her once? Who cares? I wouldn't be losing any sleep over it.

As for her being his "only" option, obviously she wasn't because he went with someone else (if he's telling the truth). She might have been his best option, but not his only option.

Where not trying to crack the enigma code here, although to hear all the strategies and such you might think we were. I'm just wanting to do what comes naturaly.

Men and women have been getting together naturally for a long time now. Sometimes on these forums it's like there's a very rigid code of behavior and if you don't follow all the rules and steps in the correct order then you are liable to be banished off to AFC-land. Most of the advice is good but sometimes life happens.