Feeling like I am chained back

[Prodoge]

Whenever I see an opportunity to approach a girl I hesitate and then just don't do it and I don't know how i can cut this hesitation out.

I believe it comes from the fact that i am generally shy with people I don't know well, strangers. My brain just seems to work in slow motion when i am confronted to strangers. However when they leave all things i could have said pop up in my head allmost instany and I start feeling dumb.

For example last night I went clubbing with friends. As we arrived at the club there were to girls and one shouted at me because I was looking in their direction at that point from some distance "hey guys want some vodka" (because she had a bottle they had to finish before being allowed in). At that moment I was surprised and the best i came up with was a lame "no thanks" and entered the club.

Literally in the minute after the interraction I realized i could have said something like "are you trying to fill me up to have an easy game later?". The opportunity was really served on a silver platter...

How can I get rid of this brainfreeze I get when put in an unexpected situation and come up with a good reply instantly ?

 

[Urbanyst]

I might be right or wrong on this, but I think most approach anxiety stems from low self-esteem. Seems like a lot of guys view women as being above them so much that they fear rejection.

When you are on the same level as someone or on a greater level than them, you don't have any anxiety about talking to them. I only learned this once I got successful and started thinking more highly of myself.

Now that my self-esteem is high I don't worry about rejection and I don't have any approach anxiety. I just view rejection as not being compatible. I don't see it as an assault on who I am. Also, I don't need people to like me so much that I would change myself. I believe the right people will naturally like me. If I have to work hard to make someone like me, then that person is not someone I should associate with.

I know its corny to say this, but there is a lot of truth to the whole "be yourself" line. Doesn't mean you should never try to improve yourself or raise your status. Just means you should honor who you are and not try too hard to live up to other people's expectations.