Feeling like giving up with women

[sangheilios]

Over the past few months I think I've become totally burnt out with women due to all these annoying experiences I seem to keep having, which seem to be ruining my confidence. I've been meeting girls that seemed totally into me, long awesome first conversations after approaching, with them re initiating and pursuing topics with me. Anyway, they would then go out of their way to ask me out but only to just flake and disappear completely randomly. Had another experience where I held the door for this girl who locks eyes with me, smiles and says thank you which resulted in a ten minute conversation. I then proceed to ask her for her number which is when she says "I have a boyfriend" lol. I had been ghosted two times in a row earlier in the summer, one after an incredible first date where the girl took it upon herself to kiss me after a mini golfing date and the second time at the gym with a girl who asked me out to go for a walk/hike with her later that evening.

I don't even want to try anymore. I had been going out and either just didn't feel like approaching any women at all. However, the ones that I did were just horrible approaches relative to what I had been like earlier in the summer, just no energy during the conversations and overly stuck in my mind.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Sorry to hear this. We have ALL been there. Life, and dating, is cyclical. We have ups, and we have downs. It does get SO f*cking tiring, and it feels like there is really no reason for it to be this complicated.

The only thing I see in common with everything you say in this point is that you are letting random strange women provide you with your sense of worth. I know it sounds dumb, and it's not what you want to hear in your state right now (believe me, I've been there), but in these moments you simply have to forget about women for a minute and build yourself back up by creating a list of awesome things about yourself and referring to it multiple times per day and remembering that this is what makes you who you are, not some strange woman who makes a snap judgement about you without knowing who you really are.

You also need to re-wire how you look at things. The woman you held the door for who had a boyfriend? Don't take that as a rejection. Take that as several highly positive things:
1. You held eye contact with a stranger and smiled and didn't look away
2. You held a conversation with a stranger good enough to keep her interest for ten minutes (which is actually a really, really long time)
3. You had the balls to ask her for her number.
You know how many guys wouldn't be able to do any of the above three things, let alone all three? The vast majority. So instead of criticizing yourself for the outcome (which in this case and in many cases is totally outside your control), praise yourself for having the balls and the talent to do these things. YOUR ACTION is all you have control over, so reward yourself for taking it.

It will improve. Keep practicing, keep improving.

 

[sangheilios]

Sorry to hear this. We have ALL been there. Life, and dating, is cyclical. We have ups, and we have downs. It does get SO f*cking tiring, and it feels like there is really no reason for it to be this complicated.

The only thing I see in common with everything you say in this point is that you are letting random strange women provide you with your sense of worth. I know it sounds dumb, and it's not what you want to hear in your state right now (believe me, I've been there), but in these moments you simply have to forget about women for a minute and build yourself back up by creating a list of awesome things about yourself and referring to it multiple times per day and remembering that this is what makes you who you are, not some strange woman who makes a snap judgement about you without knowing who you really are.

You also need to re-wire how you look at things. The woman you held the door for who had a boyfriend? Don't take that as a rejection. Take that as several highly positive things:
1. You held eye contact with a stranger and smiled and didn't look away
2. You held a conversation with a stranger good enough to keep her interest for ten minutes (which is actually a really, really long time)
3. You had the balls to ask her for her number.
You know how many guys wouldn't be able to do any of the above three things, let alone all three? The vast majority. So instead of criticizing yourself for the outcome (which in this case and in many cases is totally outside your control), praise yourself for having the balls and the talent to do these things. YOUR ACTION is all you have control over, so reward yourself for taking it.

It will improve. Keep practicing, keep improving.

The point is that I seem to be getting into these situations that would otherwise appear to be a sure thing and without fail something would happen. It's gotten to the point where I feel like I can't trust myself or my intuition regarding a woman being into me, as I feel like these super obvious signs of interest (asking me out, initiating conversations etc.) are indicating the opposite. For instance, when I had a woman ask me out on a date and insist we exchange numbers......only to flake and disappear, I can't help but be left feeling confused. These experiences make me feel like I'm getting trolled intentionally by women, so it's very frustrating and annoying.

I realize most guys don't do stuff like I do, but sometimes I honestly leave these situations wishing I never bothered in the first place. That's why I felt the need to take a break, because this is starting to have an impact on my confidence in general and I have virtually no game at all right now.

 

[MatureDJ]

 

[wifehunter]

You've taken your first step to not giving a fukc. Keep going.

 

[wifehunter]

Lolz! Dat guy, funny!

 

[3agle 3yes]

...I've been meeting girls that seemed totally into me, long awesome first conversations after approaching, with them re initiating and pursuing topics with me. Anyway, they would then go out of their way to ask me out but only to just flake and disappear completely randomly.

Had another experience where I held the door for this girl who locks eyes with me, smiles and says thank you which resulted in a ten minute conversation. I then proceed to ask her for her number which is when she says "I have a boyfriend" lol.

I think some of the answers to your frustration lie in the details you're leaving out rather than what you're telling us.

What exactly are you saying in these "long conversations"...why are you even having long conversations in the first place?

Women have boyfriends, why does this bother you?

I had been ghosted two times in a row earlier in the summer, one after an incredible first date where the girl took it upon herself to kiss me after a mini golfing date and the second time at the gym with a girl who asked me out to go for a walk/hike with her later that evening.

A girl taking it upon herself to kiss you and the other asking you out are unusual cases afaik, because most women don't have the courage to make the first move...what is happening to make them do this? This may come across as counter-intuitive, but these behaviors may actually be negative rather than positive.

Since almost all the women you mentioned are initiating things, are they also initiating the dates? The phones calls? The texts?

The point is that I seem to be getting into these situations that would otherwise appear to be a sure thing and without fail something would happen. It's gotten to the point where I feel like I can't trust myself or my intuition regarding a woman being into me...

My advice would be there are no "sure things" and never concern yourself with whether a woman is into you or not...assume they are.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

For instance, when I had a woman ask me out on a date and insist we exchange numbers......only to flake and disappear, I can't help but be left feeling confused. These experiences make me feel like I'm getting trolled intentionally by women, so it's very frustrating and annoying.

This is what women do. They are not trolling you intentionally. Women are emotional and live in the moment. They are constantly looking for the next best shiny thing in front of their face. If they got your number, they probably got another guy's number the day before, the dame day, or the day after too. You simply CAN'T take it personally. She doesn't know you.... how can you take it personally? She can't judge you as a person if she doesn't know you, and even if she could, it's just her opinion.

Maybe there is something going on that you are doing that we can help you with? Let's take the example above. You exchanged numbers. What happened next? Did you reach out to her or did she reach out to you? How long between number exchange and contact? What did you say to her if you reached out? Was it via text?

I realize most guys don't do stuff like I do, but sometimes I honestly leave these situations wishing I never bothered in the first place. That's why I felt the need to take a break, because this is starting to have an impact on my confidence in general and I have virtually no game at all right now.

Sometimes you need a break. Nothing wrong with that. But it will improve.

 

[The Duke]

Stop caring so much, that is how man loses every time with women. Understand they are all this way to some extent and it will never end. They only begin to change their behavior when they start to run out of options because their beauty begins to fail them!

The way you beat them at their own game is to play it just like they do. Entertain multiple offers, commit to none unless she is damn near a unicorn, stick your dihk in as many as you can, ignore all of their bitching when they figure out you are a player.

Women are not the little angels they want you to believe. Most all are flakey and loyalty doesn't mean to them what it means to a man. Women are only loyal to their emotions. You need to start being loyal to your dihk and when you are you will live like a King. Take the emotions out of it because most aren't worth investing in for the reasons you have already figured out.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Stop caring so much, that is how man loses every time with women. Understand they are all this way to some extent and it will never end. They only begin to change their behavior when they start to run out of options because their beauty begins to fail them!

The way you beat them at their own game is to play it just like they do. Entertain multiple offers, commit to none unless she is damn near a unicorn, stick your dihk in as many as you can, ignore all of their bitching when they figure out you are a player.

Women are not the little angels they want you to believe. Most all are flakey and loyalty doesn't mean to them what it means to a man. Women are only loyal to their emotions. You need to start being loyal to your dihk and when you are you will live like a King. Take the emotions out of it because most aren't worth investing in for the reasons you have already figured out.

King dyck

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Aka you are giving up on life. Women are put here to turn us into MEN. Women and the world aren’t the problem, we are. Women are here to self correct what is wrong with us and turn us into adults. Look yourself in the mirror and man up.

So women get to define what is a man and we must validate against them?

 

[sosousage]

Over the past few months I think I've become totally burnt out with women due to all these annoying experiences I seem to keep having, which seem to be ruining my confidence. I've been meeting girls that seemed totally into me, long awesome first conversations after approaching, with them re initiating and pursuing topics with me. Anyway, they would then go out of their way to ask me out but only to just flake and disappear completely randomly. Had another experience where I held the door for this girl who locks eyes with me, smiles and says thank you which resulted in a ten minute conversation. I then proceed to ask her for her number which is when she says "I have a boyfriend" lol. I had been ghosted two times in a row earlier in the summer, one after an incredible first date where the girl took it upon herself to kiss me after a mini golfing date and the second time at the gym with a girl who asked me out to go for a walk/hike with her later that evening.

I don't even want to try anymore. I had been going out and either just didn't feel like approaching any women at all. However, the ones that I did were just horrible approaches relative to what I had been like earlier in the summer, just no energy during the conversations and overly stuck in my mind.

nothing wrong in giving up, but u get these reactions and ghosting because you are not high quality enough in their eyes.

when they flake they found someone better, always

 

[sosousage]

Aka you are giving up on life. Women are put here to turn us into MEN. Women and the world aren’t the problem, we are. Women are here to self correct what is wrong with us and turn us into adults. Look yourself in the mirror and man up.

why? she doesnt need to look in mirror and "woman up" unless shes complete fatso

men shouldnt need as well

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

Over the past few months I think I've become totally burnt out with women due to all these annoying experiences I seem to keep having, which seem to be ruining my confidence. I've been meeting girls that seemed totally into me, long awesome first conversations after approaching, with them re initiating and pursuing topics with me. Anyway, they would then go out of their way to ask me out but only to just flake and disappear completely randomly. Had another experience where I held the door for this girl who locks eyes with me, smiles and says thank you which resulted in a ten minute conversation. I then proceed to ask her for her number which is when she says "I have a boyfriend" lol. I had been ghosted two times in a row earlier in the summer, one after an incredible first date where the girl took it upon herself to kiss me after a mini golfing date and the second time at the gym with a girl who asked me out to go for a walk/hike with her later that evening.

I don't even want to try anymore. I had been going out and either just didn't feel like approaching any women at all. However, the ones that I did were just horrible approaches relative to what I had been like earlier in the summer, just no energy during the conversations and overly stuck in my mind.

It sounds like you're trying far too hard and coming off desperate. I hold the door for women all the time, I don't try to use it as an opener to get a date. It's just holding a door.

One way to get women completely disinterested is to be a "nice guy", i.e. the sort of guy who holds a door and thinks that's a good opening to start asking her out because he's so generous.

Also long conversations at the start are not a good thing. You should be keeping the conversation short and exciting. The longer the conversation the more likely she's going to get bored with it.

Finally, dating has a large random component and first dates generally mean nothing. A first date you think is "incredible" she may not give a single sh*t about, even if she kissed you. It means nothing.

I know that sounds harsh, but you're putting far much stock in tiny things. Just chill out and have fun, if they ghost you who gives a f*ck? And if you're not enjoying dating, have a break from it for a few months.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Why are you on this site then? Women aka nature doesn’t care what you think is right. When nature sees that a male isn’t a man, he will get no women. No tactics or tricks can change thi. When a male turns himself into a man, nature will reward him with women. It really is that simple.

So if you live in a neighborhood where women think young gang bangers are men and define masculinity. Your built,
dress clean, handsome, you will defend yourself even kill if you have to. You can go head up with most of the guys in the area. In 18 months by the efforts of hard work and planning youll be able to move into a 350k home. But in your area women dont give you attention cause you dont fit their bullshyt prototype so you have issue with women. And if they do get with u they play games and cheat with their preferred guys thst they complain about. So your not a man?

 

[Mike32ct]

So if you live in a neighborhood where women think young gang bangers are men and define masculinity. Your built,
dress clean, handsome, you will defend yourself even kill if you have to. You can go head up with most of the guys in the area. In 18 months by the efforts of hard work and planning youll be able to move into a 350k home. But in your area women dont give you attention cause you dont fit their bullshyt prototype so you have issue with women. And if they do get with u they play games and cheat with their preferred guys thst they complain about. So your not a man?

^This.

Same old story I’ve heard before. The criminal bad boy is fine as he is to women. The good, responsible guy needs to “improve” or “create more drama/excitement” AND wait six dates. Then he can get friendzoned because of lack of “chemistry.”

 

[mrgoodstuff]

^This.

Same old story I’ve heard before. The criminal bad boy is fine as he is to women. The good, responsible guy needs to “improve” or “create more drama/excitement” AND wait six dates. Then he can get friendzoned because of lack of “chemistry.”

Their ganged up over there. So she likes what the group likes and this is the drama they enjoy talking about.

Old boy needs to mess with women that respond to someone like him. Those hard head hoez over there dont care.

Some of the females detest him "who does he think he is?". Others want to try but dont want the group badtalking them.

 

[Mike32ct]

No doubt. A guy should always try to go for women that go for his type.

 

[sangheilios]

I think some of the answers to your frustration lie in the details you're leaving out rather than what you're telling us.

What exactly are you saying in these "long conversations"...why are you even having long conversations in the first place?

Women have boyfriends, why does this bother you?
A girl taking it upon herself to kiss you and the other asking you out are unusual cases afaik, because most women don't have the courage to make the first move...what is happening to make them do this? This may come across as counter-intuitive, but these behaviors may actually be negative rather than positive.

Since almost all the women you mentioned are initiating things, are they also initiating the dates? The phones calls? The texts?
My advice would be there are no "sure things" and never concern yourself with whether a woman is into you or not...assume they are.

This is what women do. They are not trolling you intentionally. Women are emotional and live in the moment. They are constantly looking for the next best shiny thing in front of their face. If they got your number, they probably got another guy's number the day before, the dame day, or the day after too. You simply CAN'T take it personally. She doesn't know you.... how can you take it personally? She can't judge you as a person if she doesn't know you, and even if she could, it's just her opinion.

Maybe there is something going on that you are doing that we can help you with? Let's take the example above. You exchanged numbers. What happened next? Did you reach out to her or did she reach out to you? How long between number exchange and contact? What did you say to her if you reached out? Was it via text?



Sometimes you need a break. Nothing wrong with that. But it will improve.

Using a few examples;

- The women I held the door for had locked eyes with me, smiled and said thank you. I was attracted to her so I asked her what her name was, we introduced ourselves and I started with the basic stuff (where are you from, what do you do for fun, etc.). There was actually a pause in the conversation and instead of leaving she stuck around until I re initiated, I then later asked her for her number which was when she mentioned she had a boyfriend.

- Earlier in the summer I had approached a girl that was a recent regular at my gym, I was instantly attracted to her but gave it some time before I made a move. Prior to even approaching her I had seen her checking me out a few times as well. Anyway, I approached her and we ended up talking for about 15 minutes, asked her what her name was, where she was from, etc. I let her get back to her workout and left. 2 days later she was there, she saw me, waved and came over to talk to me. We were talking about stuff we liked to do for fun and I the topic of hiking came up, we live in AZ so there are tons of places for that. I mentioned a place near where we both lived that she hadn't been to and she immediately asked me if I'd want to go there with her later that evening. She said that she was supposed to be going out with her friends but they bailed on her, so we made plans to meet up later. Anyway, I got a text from her saying her friends and her were going out but then she asked if we could go another day. I sent her a text asking if she wanted to do tomorrow and ended up not getting a reply. The story extends well beyond that but that is how that started.

- The girl I had taken mini golfing I had met when I was out for a night with my friend. She was out with one of her friends and me and my friend approached them, with him acting as my wingman. We ended up talking for about an hour, I really liked her and she gave me her number. The next day I asked her out mini golfing and she immediately jumped on the idea and we went out. During the date she was asking me to show her how to putt the ball, so several times I had my arms wrapped around her as I stood from behind. We were sitting on one of the benches talking and I noticed she is stroking the golf club like she would doing a hand job. End of the date she literally jumps into my arms for a hug and kisses me, then tells me when she is available and wanted to go out again. We had been texting over the next couple days and she just ended up no longer replying. I gave it a break and called her the next week and still didn't hear anything.

These women were all 7s+

 

[sangheilios]

It sounds like you're trying far too hard and coming off desperate. I hold the door for women all the time, I don't try to use it as an opener to get a date. It's just holding a door.

One way to get women completely disinterested is to be a "nice guy", i.e. the sort of guy who holds a door and thinks that's a good opening to start asking her out because he's so generous.

Also long conversations at the start are not a good thing. You should be keeping the conversation short and exciting. The longer the conversation the more likely she's going to get bored with it.

Finally, dating has a large random component and first dates generally mean nothing. A first date you think is "incredible" she may not give a single sh*t about, even if she kissed you. It means nothing.

I know that sounds harsh, but you're putting far much stock in tiny things. Just chill out and have fun, if they ghost you who gives a f*ck? And if you're not enjoying dating, have a break from it for a few months.

A woman locking eyes with you and smiling is definitely an indicator that she is attracted. If I see a woman who appears to be attracted and open to meeting me, and I'm attracted to her, of course I'm going to try to say something. This is what you'd refer to as "day game".