Feeling insecure in different situations...

[jlazz]

Lets say I'm at the mall with my sister (she's older than me and we shop together when she comes home from college) and she goes into a girl's store...I usually feel akward waiting in there while she tries stuff on. I'm bored standing there just playing with my phone and its really akward. How do I get rid of this feeling?

Also, lets say I'm in Victoria Secret w/ her, I just want to get out of there ASAP because its akward.

There are moments like this where I feel insecure and that people are judging me. I can't get rid of it.

How do you get that "I DONT GIVE A ****" attitude when you catch yourself falling into insecurity? I tend to overanalyze situations and how people are thinking of ME!

 

[cubed]

One quote I like goes something like 'You cannot control your feelings, but you can control your actions'. Basically, you can't help how you feel at a particular moment, but there are things you can do to reduce those crappy feelings.

To tell the truth, I don't think it's possible to immediately adopt the "I DONT GIVE A ****" attitude on the spot (when you're in a bad situation). The best way is to have that attitude 24/7. How? The only way is to inflate your ego. It's better to have a real ego that is backed up with accomplishments(it stays most of the time), but you can also have what I like to think of as a virtual/fake/temporary ego(fluctuates with mood).

As for your victoria's secret situation, I admit I would feel the same way. What would I do? I wouldn't get myself into that situation in the first place. Why don't you tell her that you'll meet her at the food court/wherever after you're both done? You can use the time to look at something you're interested in or to hone your macking skills.

 

[stee]

hm.. in regards to your sister goin into the girls stores and stuff.. i'd say to adopt the "fk it" attitude, just walk in here head held high and just think to yourself "what son!?".. and while your sister is tryin stuff on, why don't you go and walk around and just chat with some of the sales reps that you think are cute? oh, it's gonna be hecka weird at first, but don't worry, you'll get used to it soon.

maybe it's because i go to victoria's secret so often with some of my friends that it's not a big deal anymore.. but when u think about other people lookin at u.. just remember this:: is everyone really lookin at you, or are you just imagining that everyone is? chances are that it's the latter.. so just try to entertain that thought every time you feel nervous.

 

[jlazz]

Its not really excessive anxiety, just I feel akward being in a store with 30 girls and me. I feel out of place and the girls are wondering what I'm doing.

Basically at times like this I'm too worried about what other people are thinking about me and its usually negative.

How do I keep a positive outlook and not get myself thinking this way? It brings down my mood and confidence. Lets say if I'm out with friends and some girls that my friend knows joins in. I don't really hit it off with them and my friend starts macking it and stuff...I feel like I've lost it w/ them and the girl probably thinks I'm a chump. Its like I started at base and fell through the ground. I don't know how to pickup my mood again.

I need some tips on keeping a strong mindset about things...positive mindset. When I start worrying about things, I can't talk to people and look like a shy chump.

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About honing my macking skills...I have yet to approach a girl randomly. I just don't have the balls to do it. Mainly this akwardness feeling holds me back. If I'm walking in the mall, I'm too worried about what others are thinkin of me as I walk by.

I've approached girls at parties which is easy because I'm usually buzzed and don't care as much. But I'm not good at holding a convo.

However, once I'm comfortable and in a good spot, I can be a great flirt and mess w/ a girl. Its just getting into the comfortable feeling that is the problem.

 

[cubed]

Hmmm...

jlazz, you are starting to sound like someone I know... namely me, except you care WAY more about what other people think than me.

I don't know if this applies completely to your case, but I recommend reading 'The "One" DOES exist!' by Survivor. It may not be exactly what you're looking for, but it does make for good reading.

However, once I'm comfortable and in a good spot, I can be a great flirt and mess w/ a girl. Its just getting into the comfortable feeling that is the problem.

This last part really rung with me. Once I've gotten comfortable, I'm fine. Just how do I get there every single time as fast (and safely) as possible? I have no idea. I'm still working on this one.