Feeling down

[Life-Trainee]

** Takes a deep breath **

I've reached significant milestones in the last year yet I'm never content with myself.

I feel like i'm taking everything too seriously and live my life from one problem to another. This hurts my relations with people in life. Mindless happiness as rare as it occurs is the only time I can really be myself and communicate well with people.

Times of happiness really depend on my interactions with people. I feel like i'm a really outgoing on the inside but have no social skills to be that person. However, i can't be that person unless i'm happy. No amount of material posessions or social/financial status will make me that person as none of my achievements give me lasting happiness. I seem to settle into the comfort level and find something else to worry about.

Even with my close friends I sense a strange distance which other friends don't seem to have. I want to be as outgoing as some of my friends, but in the end I just end up copying them which completely devoids me of any personality. At my job I still can't get to that "'ole chum" level with my co-workers even though they're all nice people. While another new guy who came a week after me already is on chum level with all of them. I talk to them but there's no "chemistry". Ironically, the geekiest and most-knowing person in the office also happens to be the most socially outgoing one as well.

I haven't gotten laid in several months mainly because i've been too emotionally burnt out by job search, and now the job itself. Even then, my last sex experience was with a chick from Craig's List.

I'm not depressed. I experience sadness that passes with good night's sleep. Most of the time i'm emotionally neutral. I've passion for nothing major. I just would like to be my better self. I need a new life strategy.

 

[spidersense]

whoa, this sounds like me in the not too distant past. Chear up man, you are very not alone. first thing, and one of the biggest things for me, was that it's important to not care what other think about you, whether they like you or not. some people will, some people won't, that's a fact of life. after I stopped caring, I stopped trying to get the approval of others, and in turn more and more people started appearing that they liked my company.
this is thanks to David D. by the way, he's the man.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

You can never be other than that which you are - so don't try to be like others because that is their personakity and not yours! Be content with who you are and appreciate your talents and gifts and others will value you for who you are and it will be of genuine interest. We are not all meant to "connect" with everyone we come into contact with - connect with those who share your interests and values and humor!! You'll be much happier!

 

[Life-Trainee]

I think I have a very underdeveloped personality compared to my friends. I have a one sided personality. I know a lot about computers which happens to be my profession, but beyond that I just can't relate. Yesterday one of my friends was talking about his car troubles and roommates to the other. I couldn't relate. I commuted to college from home, and i've never owned a car. It feels like my friends are living in this whole different world that I don't know about. I don't have a car and live in the inner city. All of my friends live in suburbs and i'm very dependant on them when we're doing anything. Same thing with co-workers, I just can't relate.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

You seem to relate fine over the internet!!

You are not "personal" - this is not a personality trait that you have - many people in "technical" fields seem to lack personal interactive communication skills - not out of the ordinary!

Why can't you relate to car problems? You don't have a car but you do know what it is and the value it brings, do you not? Maybe you are not wired for in depth personal contact and relations - this will hurt you with the ladies, by the way!!

 

[sixtyfwee]

I had this problem a few months ago, and I worked through it.

Try writing out what the problem(s) are:

1. I have a difficulty letting go, and REALLY enjoying myself
2. I have a difficulty appreciating what I currently have, I'm always looking for one better.

Next write out the conditions that make these problems a 'reality' and deconstruct them:

1a. It's difficult to let go because - I must maintain my dignity and standards. -- Dignity and standards are important, but by keeping these all chained up, you create a person who must brag and act stupid when drunk - surely this is worse than letting go every so slightly

2a. I have a difficulty being content with who I am because - Its natural, its who I am, its what made me reach this point in life. -- This was true, but not right now, you have done a lot, enjoy what you have got. You are creating an antidote to success by following the rule that put you there to closely.

Do this for as many reasons as you can generate for being unhappy.

Now, let go, you have proven that all is not as it seems. You are no longer preventing yourself from being happy.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Originally posted by PuertoRican_Lover
You seem to relate fine over the internet!!

You are not "personal" - this is not a personality trait that you have - many people in "technical" fields seem to lack personal interactive communication skills - not out of the ordinary!

Why can't you relate to car problems? You don't have a car but you do know what it is and the value it brings, do you not? Maybe you are not wired for in depth personal contact and relations - this will hurt you with the ladies, by the way!!

PRL made a good observation.

There´s a strong "connection" between a person's personality and his job.

See that more intellectual people, introverted ones, etc, are fond of technical areas, engineering, computer, in general jobs that require "few" social skills. People that are more extroverted, outgoing, talktative, go to more "expositives" areas that require a "medium" to high social skills.

Independent of this fact, if you´re not happy the way you are, you can change. Why not?

You don´t have to copy the others, you just have to develop those skills you want. Wanna be funnier? Read about comedy and train it. Wanna be "talkative"? Look for books, socialize with people, etc.

The same thing happens to AFC's here, they´re learning how to become a DJ because they´re tired of being made of fools and getting nowhere with women!

 

[pff]

Wow, I really feel the same. I have everything I want from life except a social life and a girlfriend. I can't enjoy the things that I have because of the things I lack. I have friends but they are not that social. I want to be the social guy, but I can't, and this makes me sad. The person I want to become frustrates me because I can't reach that level.

 

[easyjim]

Alot of us sound strikingly similar...

Not feeling comfortable with ourselves and no confidence in our own personalities (anxiety)

Difficulty forming connections with people, i.e. intimate relationships.

Not allowing ourselves to have fun, always being "on guard".....

These characteristics, along with many others, are directly related to growing up in an alcoholic home. Those of us this pertains to develope behaviors that we need to survive EMOTIONALLY through childhood and those LEARNED behaviors stay with us throughout our lives resulting in these sorts of problems.
It's not you, just your response to your environment.

I don't know if this applies to any of you, but I recently identified this with myself and am in the process of taking my life back. It's hard, but it feels great.

If any of you guys are saying, '****! thats me' hit me up through PM and I can recomend some books that will really answer your questions.