Advice from the old lady:
I concur with others on this thread. You are seeking, whether you wish to admit it or not, ideal love or unconditional love. That is usually represented as maternal love to a man. If you didn’t get the love you needed from your mother then you are likely to have attachment issues and those play out in relationships with women since men with attachment issues do in fact have holes in their souls as
@HyenaPrince notes.
The way this presents is exactly as you mentioned...a gnawing loneliness inside, desire for the external validation/admiration from a woman or women, and then anger, disillusionment and perhaps fear when it becomes obvious that the females you are involved with cannot quell your need for attention...and furthermore you subconsciously think less of women who do love you or try to love you because YOU do not love you.
Then what happens is the man becomes angry inside and directs that anger at women because it is less painful than doing the self examination and self growth that he MUST do to cease the need for external validation from others.
The man goes one of two ways depending on his attributes. Some men who have natural abundance with women (my recent ex BF is a sterling example of this) will use women as objects to get sex, validation, companionship and a dopamine hit via conquest to bolster self esteem...but it is empty and as they realize the emptiness they become more aggressive, more angry and possibly dangerous because of the rage that builds within them.
Alternatively men become fearful and afraid and begin further tearing themselves down because they feel unworthy to even start the process. I’d say you, OP fall into this group.
Both types suffer from the same ailment of low self esteem, lack of self love and craving for validation. The types who use women are more prone to damage others, the types who cannot get women are more prone to damage themselves.
Both types require self examination, self awareness (which both resist vehemently), and need to learn self love. Therapy may be useful...mindfulness, meditation etc.
You must be healed and whole to be able to sustain a healthy relationship. Work on yourself. Otherwise you’ll experience relationships that fail because you are damaged and you are in all your relationships.
i just want them to like me.
