feel scared/threatened by "cool" people

[suaveplayer]

dunno why, but i think very subtly im scared/feel threatened by the "cool people" in high schools-meaning the preppy guys, the jocks, the party guys. Maybe they are just not my type;i always feel kinda disgusted by their actions and that they are a little too "extreme" for me. THe guys i(guy friends) hang out with tend to be nicer and a little more feminine (not gay like, just relatively), or smarter/more studious.

now this wouldnt be a prob except its hard to think that "i'm the man" when i harbor a fear of some people. help?

 

[FirstInstinct]

I know where you're coming from, and I'm kinda in the same spot as you right now.

I've been on the path to a DJ for about 3-4 months and I'm starting to get to the point where I've shedded off my old friends in hopes of finding more alpha ones as my mentality and personality begins to shift. But it's difficult when I get all intimidated by these guys. I can chill w/ a couple of them, but these guys tend to be on the lower rungs of the "alpha" ladder and even then I don't feel as open/comfortable as I do with my old friends.

 

[jeffthechef]

you dont have to be popular to be alpha...it helps to be on their neutral side..so you're not afraid of them..AND THERE IS NO REASON TO BE...people usually become popular for TWO reasons.
ONE...they're attractive or like to sleep around
TWO...they've been at the school since kindergarten and have known each other for years..

be on their neutral side that's the best thing....be confidnet and comfortable with who you are..that's all you need

 

[FirstInstinct]

you dont have to be popular to be alpha...it helps to be on their neutral side..so you're not afraid of them..AND THERE IS NO REASON TO BE...people usually become popular for TWO reasons.
ONE...they're attractive or like to sleep around
TWO...they've been at the school since kindergarten and have known each other for years..

be on their neutral side that's the best thing....be confidnet and comfortable with who you are..that's all you need

I don't exactly agree with just remaining neutral with the popular crowd - being friends with these kind of people not only increases your reputation and critical social proof but also lets you enlarge your network of friends, allowing you to meet and interact with more HBs. Not only this, but it's just human nature to desire community, interaction, and a sense of belonging. I mean, everyone wants to have plenty of friends, and everyone ESPECIALLY wants to be friends with high status people (and eventually become one of them or surpass them).

 

[jeffthechef]

I don't exactly agree with just remaining neutral with the popular crowd - being friends with these kind of people not only increases your reputation and critical social proof but also lets you enlarge your network of friends, allowing you to meet and interact with more HBs. Not only this, but it's just human nature to desire community, interaction, and a sense of belonging. I mean, everyone wants to have plenty of friends, and everyone ESPECIALLY wants to be friends with high status people (and eventually become one of them or surpass them).

perhaps that's the general consensus but i've been reading a lot of philosophical books so i'm thinking really differently right now...but the best way to become popular is to not try and become it...

Think about it this way..
Popular girls are popular.
Popular girls can go out with less but not completely unpopular guys because they're already established.

As long as you're a cool and fun guy..decent looks..friendly..have some game..you can get hb's

 

[phatboi408]

I believe that I should put some input.
First of all, where do you stand in the social ladder?
Jock,nerd,creeper, band geek? Dont cheat yourself.
Next is how many of these "popular" kids do you know?
How sociable are you?
Can you start convo's with strangers?
What grade are you in?

 

[ChapStick]

**** popular kids. I moved from school-to-school and if you're cool yourself and are a genuinely nice person to everyone around you... the ladies will notice.

Don't be a pvssy, but don't be a d|ck either. Keep your head on your shoulders, be confident, and know that those "cool" guys at your high school will prolly be the ones working 2 jobs to support their high school knocked-up sweetheart who will eventually cheat on them and find someone that can support them better financially.

After spending 2 years in college and looking back at my highschool days... I realise how stupid everyone is... I look at the seniors at the highschool near my house with their lifted 4x4 trucks and all that **** that mommy and daddy help them pay for and look at how lame their lives are. You say your friends are smart people.

Do you really wanna blow off good people just so you can become cool? If you really wanna become cool, the people that wanna be around you will only add to your attractiveness... Unless you hang out with losers that play Magic card games or some bull****...

Wanna be cool? Be a genuinely nice, but strong guy to everyone around you. I didn't party that much for most of high school because I knew I was better than that, and I had no problem getting female attention. Sure I did party, but not because other people would think I'm cool.. I did it when I wanted to for myself...

Good luck.

 

[Groovy]

Social proof... It's an illusion! You may think these guys are fun and have fun, but guess again. They're in the same or worse spot as you are. I bet that these guys suffer a lot of (social) stress, which has got to cause some insecutiries. You think they're life is all perfect and you have to be intimidated, but think again!

I used to think that way too. But if you get to know some of these guys, they're not fun... At all! They're mostly idiots if you ask me. (The ****y full of it I think I'm popular but I'm the only one who doesn't seem to see that I'm a jerk guy). (I'm not talking about all your "popular" guys, just some that look like idiots.)

Don't mind these labels. Just do your own thing. In the end, people are going to follow the guy who's fun to be around. Always, no matter what!

Actually, these guys also get stressed. I bet that they're in the same place as you are... They have the same insecurities and everything else. The only difference is that they're considered high status - they can't have genuine confidence JUST BECAUSE OF THAT. Remember that! They base their self esteem on the fact that they're known and all. But they're just like you.

You on the other hand, are a fun, cool, genuinly good guy! (I hope so!). You have good intentions. Laides are going to be all over you if you keep this up. Think about it. Just think. What do these guys have that's so special that you don't have? Nothing. you on the other hand, are even way ahead of them in some aspects. You're not an AFC. You're on a way to be a don juan, so be patient, and practice the art of socializing! Don't be a jerk like some known, hjgh status guys are. Be friendly. And you'll have more attention then they can ever dream of.

Just focus on having fun on high school. These guys have some fun, but they're not THAT sociable. Being sociable is a true DJ skill, you can't fake it, you just have to be social. Once you are social, EVERYONE will genuinly love you, and genuinly want to be aorund you. In the end social proof doesn't matter a lot...

People hang around these guys for social proof. People hang around with sociable guys for FUN. Heck, even the social proof is going to want to be aorund you if you do this right!

If you were a girl, would you rather hang out with someone for the social proof, or for the fun?

Be patient, you're on the right track! Don't be threathened of them, try to have fun with them, if they're too uptight, or if YOU for some other reason don't want to be with them, find someone else! Or else don't let it bother you. Remember that the ladies hang out with them for social proof, but they really want is a fun, non-afc guy, whose actions don't disgust people, like you?