feel like im turning beta/afc... help!

[SoSuaveDude]

Ok this is sort of new for me so please do pitch in your thoughts.

I got this gf who ive got by being alpha, and basically keeping her on her heels, and not giving much of a care about her life and its details. I don't smoother her, and she is a semi AW, so i don't flood her with attention either. This method has been very successful on sustaining her interest. I figure, afc's smother their gf's and desire control over every little detail of their life, and their gf's often consequentially resent them or lose interest.

Well today my gf popped a random topic of her going to washington DC for the remainder of summer for a job/position as a nanny. Now i would have normally brushed even the harshest events of her life off and appeared careless because we are more considered fwb's than boyfriend and girlfriend. But she is attached and i like her too. Ok, then she says that she would be leaving tomorrow and she felt bad for leaving me and short noticing me, but she needed the job (obviously).

I semi froze and went sorta afc on her. I started saying why didn't you tell me ahead of time, and im going to miss you, etc. She said she would decline and stay for me, but ofcourse i told her to do her thing and make the money (probably only correct thing i did!). For the first time in a while, i felt like a smothering clinger, and like she had the upper hand smh!

What should i do while she is away? remember she's a semi attention lover(most girls are) and if i smother her with attention, she will lose interest! And in future experiences, how should i respond when girls inform me of events like this on short notice!? I shouldn't get angry nor kiss up right?

 

[Tiguere]

how long have you been dating?
how old are both of you?
how far is washiong DC from your current location?
we need these answers before anyone can correctly give you advice.

 

[SoSuaveDude]

how long have you been dating?
how old are both of you?
how far is washiong DC from your current location?
we need these answers before anyone can correctly give you advice.

im 19 and she's 23.

Washington is about 5 hours from our city.

And we've been on and off for maybe 6 months, but always talked...things have deff gotten more serious as of the past 2 months...

 

[SoSuaveDude]

can i get any type of feedback?

 

[Johnny_Kage]

Honestly, it sounds like you like the girl (or as others would say, you have "oneitis"), which is fine.

It sounds like she likes you too.

The only problem with this is if you want to keep it at fwb. The fact that you're even posting on here about this shows that you care about the situation and her a great deal.

The way I see it you have 2 options: either make it official or let go of the fwb thing (unless she's coming to see you) and find other girls. Either way, keep in contact with her so you could resume it when she gets back. By "contact," I mean text her playful things, an inside joke between you two, etc. Only do it once a week or, at the most, every few days. But keep in mind if you cut it off and don't make it official, she might find someone else that will.

I don't know you so I can't tell you what to do. It depends on what you want out of this.

EDIT: I missed your second question.

No, don't get mad or kiss up lol. I think you did the right thing. You told her that you didn't like what she did (presumably) without showing any emotion. She actually told you that she would have declined the job JUST TO STAY WITH YOU. Yeah, that's a good thing lol.

Also, always remember to have other options if you're not willing to get exclusive with her. That would prevent these kinds of feelings.