Feel like giving up ...

[Firefly]

It is 3AM over here, and I have been trying to get to sleep with no success. I have been thinking about how much effort I have been putting into trying to meet with women, and how little results I have been seeing from this. I was going through my old texts and seeing a constant pattern of me putting a lot of effort to meet women, going out with them once or twice and then either being LJBF'ed or ignored altogether. I have put in SO much energy to become a better person, but yet no results. I thought I would do a quick summary of what I have been doing to improve myself and seeing if anyone had any tips:

1. Career. I currently have my own successful business which makes $100,000+ on a part-time basis. I also decided I did not want to work in that field forever so went to study at a top ten grad school in the US in a health care profession, and am now working in that profession also part-time and earning an additional $100,00 from that. I think this has been the most successful aspect of my life, and at least, financially and socially, I am quite secure.

2. Physique and general health. I have lost approx 48 pounds over the last couple of years. However, I am still apparently 22 pounds overweight, and am struggling to lose this weight, especially with the demands of two jobs. My friends and family tell me I no longer look fat, but still look like a big guy. I also come from a racial minority which also appears to diminish my physical attraction for a lot of women.

3. Social life. I was a boring ass dude for most of my life, and always had problems fitting in with social groups - because I was quite passive and polite, I often found myself targetted and ostracised by other members of various group. I became more assertive in recent years, and decided I was going to form my own social network. As a result, I became quite established at nightclubs and also got myself invites to various events like movie premieres and the like. I have used this as a way of getting girls to go out with me, both by organising big events for different groups as well as using these invites to ask out individual girls. However, even though I may become accepted by these groups, I never seem to get girls interested in me and in fact, I often get annoyed by how many other guys seems to come to the events and pick up with ease while I still get ignored. Similarly, while girls are happy to accept invitations to go to individual events, they show no interest in meeting up with me again after.

I really feel like giving up at this point. Does anyone have any suggestions?

 

[The_411]

No reason to give up you've got the hardest aspect down which is your career success.

The weight issue can be a bear so I'd recommend p90x/insanity or something else to really push yourself physically.

Being a minority has very little if anything with one's success with women sure there are social stigmas but think of it this way you already have a filtration system built in. You are eliminate many intolerant women from your queue. No reason to pursue someone who isn't open to dating your "minority"

The problem as I see is that your weakness is self confidence. Bringing girls to high profiles events doesn't work because it almost always comes off as trying too hard. You need to close off that access to women you are interested in until you can build a rapport with them that's based on you.

Organizing is better but I get the impression that you want some sort of reward for doing it and frankly one's efforts are rarely recognized.

What you need is to focus on working out, hobbies, business, and join social clubs.

You could certainly join a small business club that gets small business owners together to discuss issues, you could join charity groups, I'm sure there are social events, religious groups, groups for your ethnicity, groups for fans of a sports team, etc.

The key is to focus on your positives not your negatives. In your case its hard to see any negatives, save for your lack of confidence, and a bit of superficiality.

I don't know the social scene and how things work in Sydney but it's a big city so my impression is that there are plenty of ways to socialize.

 

[Die Hard]

Try answering the next point, Firefly:

4. Self esteem.

 

[scrouds]

(this will be a bit obtuse, bear with me)

I like to take life lessons from anywhere I can and apply it to life. When I was in college, my fraternity had a newish leadership development program that I jumped into. One of the biggest takeaways was the "SMARTER" goal.

Specific
Measurable
Attainable
Relevant
Time Specific
--
Evaluate
Revise

You need some goals. I bet you have some vague idea what you want to accomplish. Be popular, bang hot chicks, get fit. What you need are smarter goals.

For example: I want to lose 5 pounds next month.
Specific: 5 pounds. Check.
Relevant: Hell yes
Attainable: I would guess. Look at yourself and see. A morbidly obese person could consider a pound a day on a radial diet attainable for a short period. a 20 lb overweight person no.
Time specifc: you have a month
Evaluate: Evaluate your progress as you go along. This will do wonders for self esteem as you see yourself reaching and hitting your goals.
Revise: Up or down, depending on how you're doing if you need to change.

You can do the same thing with chicks. You can carry this in all areas of your life.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Firefly,
Take up dancing,it will go a long way towards solving most of your problems....Don't expect too much for about six months but then the results pour in...Even if you don't get Women at least you will make a few new Mates and lose a few Kilos.

 

[Jitterbug]

4. Self esteem

5. Living in Sydney - a city that wannabe New York + Milan + Paris + Tokyo.