Feel like a failure..

[SilverSonnet]

Agh, I feel so beaten. I feel people around me just hate me, I'm always teased etc.
I just feel like I fail at everything, and no matter how hard I try, people are always putting me down, treating me no no respect, and like an idiot.
I dont know what to do. I'm so confused. I feel like I cant get respect from anyone.
My best friend mocks and teases me. I sound like a whining little kid, and I know I dont have it as bad as other children, and I realize & accept that, but these ARE my problems, problems I dont know how to solve.
I just want respect from people, to be treated like a friend, rather than that kid who you can pick on when your in a bad mood or when you want to inflate your own ego.

Help guys(and women)

 

[iqqi]

You are very smart for your age.

Don't let the haters get you down, kid. Remember they are young too, and may be more immature than you.

 

[Warrior74]

when people put you down, do you stand up for yourself?

 

[SilverSonnet]

when people put you down, do you stand up for yourself?

Not really. quite a few are girls, and the guys are all pretty hard, and I reckon if I retort back, I'm gonna get my head kicked in.

 

[AlanB]

Judging by your recent posts, you are going through a bad patch at the moment; a temporary dip in confidence.

You just need to pull your socks up and get out there; stand up straight, try to smile and think clearly. Feeling sorry for yourself won't help, I don't mean that harshly; it is just a fact. I know, I had some tough times when I was younger and some bad **** happen in my life and it destroyed my confidence and I felt sorry for myself for too long and wasted too much of my life. You need to get out there, do some sport/exercise/hobbies and think positively.When people act negatively, you need to see it as their problem (unless it is a genuine criticism as opposed to people just acting like insecure pricks) and keep your cool and stand up for yourself without getting angry or allowing it to get to you too much. If it is just banter, you need to keep smiling and offer some back yourself. If people go too far then you need to say "Look, I don't know why you have a problem with me so cut it out and grow up or just **** off"

 

[Warrior74]

well then mate, harden up yourself. hit the gym. eat and get big. Do things that boost you self esteem. And think about finding a new social circle. Work on making friends. Ditch any friends who constantly put you down. They will always try to keep you there.

Sometimes its worth a good fight through. I remember as a teen getting my ass kicked by bigger guys cause they talked down to me and I refused to take it. They may have kicked my ass but I went down swinging. Later after high school a couple of them told me I was okay, the respected the fact that I was a little twirp who stood up for himself. Of course they couldn't tell me that at the time, they gotta rep to uphold. This is real life, not no hollywood happy ending movie you know.

 

[Warrior74]

the double postings. Chin up man. stay positive.

 

[dav27]

It's obvious that you care what they think of you and that's your problem.

Work on your confidence until you get to the point where you don't give a **** what they think. They're only doing it to get enjoyment from your reaction. As long as you react they'll keep doing it. When you're at the point where their comments don't phase you they'll lose interest.

Also at your age you should remember that things like that are ALWAYS going to happen because people are much less mature. Learn what you can and be comfortable knowing you're better than those people. It will reward you later on in life when it really matters.

 

[sherineo]

Don't be dependent for anything on outside world...be it respect or anythingelse...when you'll reach that level where you'd be self fulfilled you won't care what happens to the world...

sherineo

 

[AlanB]

Not really. quite a few are girls, and the guys are all pretty hard, and I reckon if I retort back, I'm gonna get my head kicked in.

This might not be seen as a popular reaction on this board but banter at school is a different subject and I firmly believe that sometimes one has to retaliate in kind, the important thing being to not show that you are too bothered by what they say. Teenage girls can be real *****es and they know the power they have over teenage guys so when they start calling you; you need to let them know that they aren't so perfect themselves. This is a perfect opportunity to let them know that they should come back and tell you something new when their pancake-like breasts have developed. Or perhaps that they should go and shave off their moustache before addressing you. Perhaps they have a weight issue which you could benefit from reminding them about. etc. etc.

In terms of the guys at your school, unless it is a real issue that they may be carrying knives or other weapons, try not to show fear. Just showing that you are willing to fight them if they choose is often enough. I am only small myself (about 5'7" fully grown now) and after being bullied a bit in school, I started to fight back and even though I didn't always win or was attacked by multiple opponents, I soon earned a bit of a reputation as a psycho who would go all out to defend himself and even if someone was going to fill me in; you can bet your bottom dollar they were going to take one or two punches/kicks/bites etc. themselves on the way down. This meant that people became wary of attacking me as even if they were a lot bigger; they would look bad if they had a hard time in beating me up which I made sure was the case.

 

[lookyoung]

Agh, I feel so beaten. I feel people around me just hate me, I'm always teased etc.
I just feel like I fail at everything, and no matter how hard I try, people are always putting me down, treating me no no respect, and like an idiot.
I dont know what to do. I'm so confused. I feel like I cant get respect from anyone.
My best friend mocks and teases me. I sound like a whining little kid, and I know I dont have it as bad as other children, and I realize & accept that, but these ARE my problems, problems I dont know how to solve.
I just want respect from people, to be treated like a friend, rather than that kid who you can pick on when your in a bad mood or when you want to inflate your own ego.

Help guys(and women)

First of all your only 14 years old. These things are natural at that age. When I was your age I would get teased sometime also. The thing you need to do is find a passion in your life. What is your passion? I highly recommend martial arts. (I prefer grappling Bjj). This will give you confidence and boost your self esteem in all areas of your life. It will also give you confidence in handliing these bullies. Also start hitting the weights. People are less likely to pick on you if your muscular.

So my advice to you to any 14 year old is....
1. Make fitness a part of your life.
2. Don't concentrate so much on girls at this age. Your way too young to be thinking about sex.
3. Over the next few years find out the career you want to choose. I myself have a career now but I wish I would have known exactly what I wanted to do when I was 18. Don't be like me were you end up going to college for something you don't like to do. You lose tons of money.


Your in the toughest age bracket. Your still finding yourself kid. The toughest age in life is between 14-22. After that life gets so much better. You will be fine I promise. Pm me if you ever need advice on anything. From school, to woman,to a career.

 

[Groovy]

You sound like me.

When you get up, shower, eat breakfest, and clean your teeth.

This for me allows me to get in the state of freshness... Makes me feel great about myself...

Three things:
1. You get great breath and teeth. That's deff. a positive. People will even envy you. It will make you feel a lot better.

2. Showering makes you feel fresh, clean and cool.

These two things personally give me confidence because after that I know that there isn't a reason people would have not to talk to me. If you feel good about yourself, others will too.

And eat a lot. You'll notice the changes in your body when you have perfect weight and you get rid of the problems hunger gives you. (It gives me sort of an anxiety and makes me feel worse and think slower.)

This works for me every time.

And music.

Very simple.

 

[Interceptor]

Agh, I feel so beaten. I feel people around me just hate me, I'm always teased etc.
I just feel like I fail at everything, and no matter how hard I try, people are always putting me down, treating me no no respect, and like an idiot.
I dont know what to do. I'm so confused. I feel like I cant get respect from anyone.
My best friend mocks and teases me. I sound like a whining little kid, and I know I dont have it as bad as other children, and I realize & accept that, but these ARE my problems, problems I dont know how to solve.
I just want respect from people, to be treated like a friend, rather than that kid who you can pick on when your in a bad mood or when you want to inflate your own ego.

Help guys(and women)

Ben, it's becasue at your age , you still hang on to other people's feedback of you for your identity.
It's not a moral failing.

You're just a little young, dude.

Experience will give you the self esteem and confidence in yourself.
It will happen.
The truth is youre on a path wayyyyy ahead most of the guys your age.

You will be able to take advantage of opportunities other guys wont even see.
And you'll be a high character man of wisdom, a leader, decisive and confident.

Again, becasue your identity is not fully formed, you are still reactign to other people's opinions of you,and that is how you form your self image.
But you know this is wrong.

What you have to do is bring this notion into a belief in your mind.
Make it real for you.
Integrate it.

Your identity is independent of these people, Ben.

Dont get stuck in this feedback loop with trying to get validation from them.Because when they pull it away, you will be left with nothing.
Because you became so dependent on them for your identity and mental state.

The key here is to build expereince.

You need to observe yourself in the world and gain that self concept to form Your Self Image according to YOU, not someone else's opinion of you.

Build Self Esteem, not Ego.
Build your self image from your self, not others.
Maintain your moral and emotional state for yourself, do not let others have control of it.


No one can take away your self esteem, Ben.

 

[Interceptor]

Not really. quite a few are girls, and the guys are all pretty hard, and I reckon if I retort back, I'm gonna get my head kicked in.

Its not about retorting.
Its about demonstrating that low class behavior does not have an effect on you.

Dont 'react' to them,Ben.
They feel power over you because they feel they have control over your emotions and state.

Many people who have low self esteem and poor character, exploit others for their gain.
This is how they assert their powelessness, by being callous and inconsiderate to others, to show how horrible their life is and 'get back' what they feel was taken from them.


These people need to be looked at objectively, Ben.

They are low self esteem, low class people.
Whom are not worthy of you letting them live inside your mind.

Next time they say things to you like that, simply look at them, and do not react.
And if at all possible, do not hang around them.
They disrespect you even more if you hang around and take that behavior.
You know you cant change them.
So dont even bother with a retort or insult.

This only shows how much importance you give to them.
Stop doing that.
Leave them alone, and care for your own peace of mind.

 

[SinJester]

Bloody hell no one here gets it apart from Dav27, Wolf and Interceptor. They on the other hand are spot on. Listen Ben I've gone through EXACTLY the same kind of thing you are going through and a lot more recently that most of these other guys because I am closer to your age.

First off don't listen to anyone who tells you to fight. If your anything like me most of these people who give you sh!t are actually your friends, right? You can't go fighting them because you lose friends, get a BAD rep and its an antisocial behaviour. Don't fight unless it's some random dude who is getting physical with you or something.

Wolf is right, it's male bonding, I wish I realized that earlier. All that time getting depressed about people giving me sh!t when they were just having fun and bonding. I don't think it ever goes away. Next time it happens just think that they are only doing it because they are close enough to you to feel the right to give you crap

I've learnt that there is only one way to stop all of this. You can get worked up and fight all you want, you can try to be alpha, but do this and people are still gonna do it because they see it working. The one path out is to become secure in yourself and uncreative. I used to be hugely sensitive, half the time people weren't even paying me out and I thought they were, which led them to do it anyway. They would point out simple things about myself and I would deny it and act hurt. This is not a good way to live.

When these people do stuff in an attempt to get you worked up, don't respond. That's the first step. Next you learn how to let it go and not care. It's easier than you think, just laugh it off! Come on what they are saying is probably funny, can't you laugh at yourself? This shows CONFIDENCE that will gain you the RESPECT you are looking for. I only learnt this recently but know this: the harder you try to get respect the further it will be away from you. If you do what I say and get to the point where you are unaffected by other people a lot of his will stop, and your respect will go through the roof.

Let me give you some examples. I have two really cool (popular) friends and I used to worry that they didn't feel as close to me as I did to them. I would seriously worry, and I would like almost suck up to them when I was around them. I couldn't have fun and I was in my own head too much. And these guys were my friends! Then I had a realization... So what? You know, if they don't like me then they aren't the right people I should hang around with. They are just people to, they are flawed like everyone else. Then I just started having fun around them and being myself and not caring about the outcome. Suddenly they were calling me up wanting to hang out and and sh!t, damn, this was powerful stuff. It's like what Tyler Durden says, even if you feel intimidated in front of certain people, 'they don't want you to give you power away'. They just want you to be yourself and have a chill guy to hang out with, not a groupie. Ahh some of my friends still haven't realized this and suck up any chance they get, they are the guys they laugh about behind their backs.

I used to have a group of friends at school that I didn't want to hang out with because they were uncool. You know, like the nerdy group. I was in a cool group, it would be fun, but I couldn't hang out with them! Pfft, eventually I realized 'fck what people think, I want high school to be fun, I want to go out, I don't want to spend it caring what other people think. So now I go out with them every time I can, and I love them they are great guys. I still hang out with all my other mates and chill with popular people, I just have a bigger and funner social life. Somehow it made me more popular. I know a lot more people now, and so do they. It's win-win.

I'm the kind of guy that likes and cared for everyone, and talks to them regardless of social status. People pick that up and like me for it. I'm finally letting go of people's opinions about me, and it is beautiful. I had a slip up recently but that just made me stronger. Respect, popularity, freedom it all starts here.

Don't you see that's the better way? Better than fighting? I could tell you 'they are just paying you out because they lack self esteem', but that doesn't matter. Love them for it, they are human, I bet you do it too. Pity them, but don't let them effect you. See through the games. Don't worry about the girls either, they are immature, they will get over it. I know it seems harder than when you mates or guys do it, because they are girls. Do the same to them. Flirt with them, give them some c/f, just don't let them effect you.

You don't realize how you are. When I was your age I thought I was so much older. I still do think I'm older than I am now, only now I realize it It's just the way people's minds work. You are on the right path, respect yourself, raise your own self-esteem and one day soon you will look back at this and laugh.

Hope I helped, your thread really touched me.

 

[iqqi]

One problem the OP has, is that his mother and sister are the bullied type. I don't feel like he has a strong role model at all.

He has watched and learned the victim role too much.

 

[SinJester]

Iqqi I'm the same almost. He just has to be his own strong role model. At some point we have to seperate from our parents, he might as well start now. In becoming a MAN we have to know how to both mother and father ourselves. To father yourself all you have to do is do things that you are scared to, this converts directly into confidence.

Perhaps finding a strong role model elsewhere may help? A martial arts instructor or something like that?

 

[Mr.Positive]

Agh, I feel so beaten. I feel people around me just hate me, I'm always teased etc.
I just feel like I fail at everything, and no matter how hard I try, people are always putting me down, treating me no no respect, and like an idiot.
I dont know what to do. I'm so confused. I feel like I cant get respect from anyone.
My best friend mocks and teases me. I sound like a whining little kid, and I know I dont have it as bad as other children, and I realize & accept that, but these ARE my problems, problems I dont know how to solve.
I just want respect from people, to be treated like a friend, rather than that kid who you can pick on when your in a bad mood or when you want to inflate your own ego.

Help guys(and women)

Hey SilverSonnet, I felt the exact same way when I was your age. From your posts, you have so many GOOD things going for you, and a whole life ahead of you, to worry about what some other kids think.

I'll tell ya, when you wrote that your best friend mocks you and teases you, do you realize, that your friend is jealous of you? He teases you, because he envies you.

What you need to realize is that it's your positive mindset that matters. Remember, men don't get angry, they don't get sad, or feel self pity. No...men get disappointed. People can disappoint us, yet we can forgive them because they are learning too.

You are a role model.

 

[Jitterbug]

It's just high school BS. We've all gone through it. Tease & mock them right back. It's all fun. Enjoy it while you can. When you've become an adult in a work environment, you can get fired for saying sh!t to people. Or when you're at a bar, it can escalate into a real fight & you may actuallly get some crap on your record.

Take up martial arts (grappling/wrestling type recommended) and take care of your fitness. When I was at school, I could take any teasing & mocking and give them right back because other kids knew I could back it up with my fists. Fists & a sharp tongue are absolutely necessary for the best high school experience.

Oh btw, you're just 14. When you're that age, the whole world hate you & think you're a little sh!t (from your perspective). Ask any older guy who's been through puberty. Take it easy.

 

[dannyegg4575]

Agh, I feel so beaten. I feel people around me just hate me, I'm always teased etc.
I just feel like I fail at everything, and no matter how hard I try, people are always putting me down, treating me no no respect, and like an idiot.
I dont know what to do. I'm so confused. I feel like I cant get respect from anyone.
My best friend mocks and teases me. I sound like a whining little kid, and I know I dont have it as bad as other children, and I realize & accept that, but these ARE my problems, problems I dont know how to solve.
I just want respect from people, to be treated like a friend, rather than that kid who you can pick on when your in a bad mood or when you want to inflate your own ego.

Help guys(and women)

I have been fortunate in life to continuously run into people who can mentor me whenever I hit a curb. I'm going to let you in on a few secrets. So, here's one of the things you can try doing. Build up your self esteem and self worth. Listen to these guys telling you to take martial arts or something. When I was your age and realize that I could break woods with my fist, I thought that was f>cken cool!!! Through martial arts, i built confidence and I attained a piece of mind knowing that I can defend for myself.

Listen bud, when you are in school, how people treat you is their business. It's how you treat yourself. Don't do things for anybody. Be emotionally intelligent. This whole world is about it. Read up on it.

First, when someone teases you, your first reaction would be to 1. be upset, 2. hide. well, i tell you there is a 3rd option. LAUGH WITH THEM. They can't laugh when they see it doesn't affect you. NO, seriously, laugh along with them and be sincere about it. They might try again and a third time. But if they see they have no affect on you, what fun is there? In fact, they might even think you're pretty cool about it. You don't need to worry about it man... jokes are jokes. Everyone can use one. Laugh at yourself, laugh at others, life is too short.

If he's your friend, he would not try to mock you to hurt you. Friends do not try to hurt friends. If he's someone who constantly tries to hurt you to boost his own ego, he's not a friend to begin with. So, make new friends. simple. I'm not saying for everybody, but sometimes even the coolest friends do that. You find something funny to make fun of in each other. It's kind of like a punch on the shoulders, it's a guy thing. It's perfectly normal. trust me.

Respect is something that you give and earned. As you grow older, you'll come to understand that people are people, they have their own things to worry about. When people see that you are doing your own things, you are not too concern about what others think of you, they'll respect you for that.

don't walk around in school with your head down boy. if you do that in hs, you're going to have a tough time getting through it. Stand tall and absorb the abundance of education you're getting.