Feel insecure about graduating late and women may look down on me, feeling hopless

[Duminy]

Hi all,

I am duminy I am 23 years old and I've messed up my first degree due to unsatisfaction. I will have to go back and do another degree which may take 4 years.

I'm aiming to major in computer science and aiming to get a job in software or even finance which all pay very well. But won't do that until I'm 27, although I'm passionate about this. At 30 I am hoping to do a masters to increase earnings. So potential wise, it all looks rosy.

But at 23, I have nothing to my name, I have good qualities and have travelled across europe with my family in my late teens and also won some sports awards, but thats all. My worry if I start dating women they may say 'what the hell have you been doing all your life?' and women naturally want a guy with high status and up the social ladder and I don't have any of that.

What would you advise me please? I'm feeling hopeless.

Thanks in advance,
Duminy

 

[Atom Smasher]

Dude, you have nothing to worry about. In fact, it's a positive, not a negative.

The old stigma of educating yourself a little later than average is long gone. Women equate education with ambition, and they are deeply attracted to ambition. So much so, that ambition is perceived almost at the same level as cash in the bank.

When you speak to women about your education, be sure to say NOTHING that you said here. There should not be even a trace of shame, because there is in fact no shame. All you need to do is say that you're currently studying computer science. Most women will love to hear that.

Women feed off our own projected attitudes. You must accept who you are and what you are doing and you must make no apologies for it.

This situation of yours can easily be a major advantage. Women are immensely turned on by a man bettering himself.

Never forget that women equate ambition and potential with actual success. Men do not do this, but women buy into this, hook, line and sinker.

 

[Duminy]

Thank you for your awesome post Atom Smasher, a very positve post to reassure me.

I know you've stated a lot of positive things, but I'm still scared of approaching a 'lawyer' or elite university educated of the same age of me. I'm 23 going to start a new degree and they are 23 who are starting their career.

 

[Iceberg]

Thank you for your awesome post Atom Smasher, a very positve post to reassure me.

My main problem is that the women I'm potentially trying to date may be in their 1st year of their career or graduated earlier than me, I'm 23 and a women of similar age is about to start her career.

How can I overcome this barrier?

As Atom Smasher so kindly explained to you....it's NOT a barrier.

You're worried about "having nothing to your name" and women wondering "What have you done with your life."

You're freakin 23 years old, buddy. And to put it bluntly, you're not supposed to have anything to your name. Your life has barely started. Five years ago, you couldn't buy a pack of cigarettes. Now you're envisioning women having these ridiculously high expectations of you? You think your 23 year old friends are graduating college and getting jobs as CEOs with six figure salaries? No. If they're LUCKY, they're getting junior-level jobs at $25k - $30k per year. And possibly after 4 or 5 years in that career path, they realize that they hate it, and then THEY go back to college for a new degree in something different.

So, in summary....Dating is difficult enough without inventing problems for ourselves. And right now you're inventing problems. Women want you to be ambitious, passionate, strong, etc. But no one is expecting you to have your life figured out at 23 years old. Dating is dating. Be charming, be funny, be sexual...be a man. And the girls will like you. Nobody cares about the technical nitty gritty of your day-to-day life. Whether you have a degree or not.

 

[Atom Smasher]

You don't have to tell them everything about your recent years. You could say "I studied XYZ but my interests have changed and I've developed a passion for Computer Science and I've decided to pursue a degree in that."

That's ALL you need to say. We men often think that when women ask us questions, we must give them detailed answers. This is not so and can only work against you.

Remain MYSTERIOUS.

Be sure that in all dealings with all women you don't answer them directly and factually. They don't need to know the particulars of recent years. They need to know simply that your passions have changed and you are man enough and confident enough to pursue your passion.

They should only be told what you want them to know. Sometimes we men hand over to women the right to interrogate us. It's as if we feel we must answer every question. Of course they have a right to know something of your past and your ambitions, but every detail is not necessary.

Spin it to your advantage. NO Shame!

As an aside, all men who read this, I have found that it is good practice to completely ignore 1 question out of 4 or 5. Periodically, just remain completely silent when she asks a question, as if you never heard it. Zero acknowledgement. You will find more often than not she won't even ask a second time, because she is internally satisfied that she is in your frame and you are not in hers.

 

[Duminy]

Thank you very much Iceberg and Atom Smasher. Your posts are extremely helpful which has reassured me. I appreciate your time and advice very much.

So, I acutally have an advantage of bettering myself and I'm still very young who should embrace my passions and ambitions instead of thinking of what others think.

Duminy

 

[Zerro]

I didn't finish my bachelors until I was 28. You know how many women have had a problem with that? Zero.

As an aside, all men who read this, I have found that it is good practice to completely ignore 1 question out of 4 or 5. Periodically, just remain completely silent when she asks a question, as if you never heard it. Zero acknowledgement. You will find more often than not she won't even ask a second time, because she is internally satisfied that she is in your frame and you are not in hers.

Agreed.