F'ed up on Valentine's Day

[lifeislearning]

Time to admit I made a mistake.

Valentine's Day is here, and I didn't do anything for my gf. Of course I had excuses: unusually busy week at work, I loathe the holiday, we had talked about delaying it until after a big report due tomorrow, etc...

Some of you will say I'm justified for doing nothing, though I am man enough to know I dropped the ball here. I love her, and work is just work. Work will forgive a poor assignment or fire me, nobody gets hurt. She does feel hurt, especially when Facebook is a giant slap in the face: "Look how much my man loves me because of all the sh*t he bought me."

It's time to realize she makes compromises for me, and if I really care, I should do the same for her. I can't take back the pain she felt today, but what can I do? Is a romantic gesture going to compensate now?

I'm thinking no. Time and effort will likely be the solution, like any other mistake. Just hate feeling like an unappreciative sh*tbag.

 

[Bible_Belt]

A $5 card would have gone a long way, but at least now you know. I remember my former wife explaining to me on Valentine's Day that the first thing all of her friends asked her is 'what did you get?' That's just how women are. On the bright side, how a gift makes them feel is much more important than the price tag. A cheap gift that hits the right sentimental note will get you far.

As for what you can do now, compensating gestures, especially expensive ones, will be wasted due to their transparency. Just learn from your mistakes and get a stupid, pointless, overpriced card next time. She'll love it.

 

[channingtatum]

You're in a trap. The Unselfishness Trap.

Do you really believe you should give your girlfriend a gift on V-Day just because everyone on Facebook is doing the same? Or because Hallmark says you should? Or because your girlfriend is expecting it, since all her friends are getting something?

That my friend is not the reason to give a gift.

You give a gift because YOU want to, because the action and her reaction please you. You can do this any day of the year, not just Feb. 14.

If your girlfriend considers a gift every V-Day a stipulation of your relationship, perhaps you should consider whether that relationship is right for you. Has she shown appreciation for your efforts? Did she give YOU anything today?

Think about it.

Are you serious?

LifeisLearning- A $5 card and even a cheap bottle of wine that you two shared before you screw the **** out of her would have gone a long way.

She's not some selfish ***** for wanting a Valentine's day gift. Imagine it was your birthday and she didn't get you a card. Is she required to celebrate your birthday? NO. We are humans and have been socially programmed to celebrate certain holidays. It's just life, not some alpha/beta, is she a selfish wench debate.

Just remember for next year.

 

[Duce]

Are you serious?

LifeisLearning- A $5 card and even a cheap bottle of wine that you two shared before you screw the **** out of her would have gone a long way.

She's not some selfish ***** for wanting a Valentine's day gift. Imagine it was your birthday and she didn't get you a card. Is she required to celebrate your birthday? NO. We are humans and have been socially programmed to celebrate certain holidays. It's just life, not some alpha/beta, is she a selfish wench debate.

Just remember for next year.

I respectifully disagree, birthdays are different to Valentines, she should be excited if she gets something on valentines, but should not come to expect it.

I don't buy into this flowers and such crap on Valentines, a card yes, and then just a nice night in together etc. but to expece alot of presents is bull if she didn't get him soemthing. works both ways on valentines imo.

 

[AlphaGhost]

When did Valentines day become "My girlfriend 2nd birthday"??

Did she get you something? If she did and you knew she was going to, then yeah bro your messed up for not reciprocating, but if she is nagging about this and she didnt get you ****aki!!! why the hell should you care??

Seems your girl is one of those ladies who like the appear a certain type of way in relationships so her friends can be jealous and wish they had a relationship like hers, and since you didnt get her that nice gift like all the other suckers who are p-whipped you caused her to seem like her relationship is crap.

I'd be looking at my lady if I were you..
Especially if she knew your dealing with alot of work....

Think about it, if you feed into this (which you already have by beating yourself up about it) she will do this to you all the time cause she knows it works.. She get upset and then gets what she wants.

AFC

 

[speed dawg]

I don't give gifts hardly at all. Maybe a small one at Christmas and birthdays. No gifts for anniversaries either, we'll go out and celebrate, but no gifts. I hate gifts, I don't like receiving them, and I don't like giving them. I am what I am, and my wife has to live with that. Of course, my wife isn't exactly the type who has lots of friends and likes to show off status either.

Before kids I used to give a card at most. If you don't like giving gifts, but have a girlfriend who likes getting gifts, that will be a problem for you going forward. Best let her go find some chump who likes shelling out money.

 

[Boilermaker]

Although I generally agree with samspade; I think getting a small gift for your girlfriend wouldn't interfere with your "happiness" plans...

It's a way of showing a little courtesy - like calling your mom on Mother's day.
It's not a big deal, something small would have gone a long way.

 

[bish0p]

I got something for my girl on Valentine's Day. At first, I forgot that it was the 14th until she reminded me, then I told her that I would not be getting her anything (I really wasn't as I don't care for it). She said she knows, but didn't care.

So, before I got to work, I said screw it and got her some things, then drove to her job and gave her the stuff. I was late to work, but I really enjoyed the surprise on her face.

When I got home from work, she bought me some things, actually did me one up and everything was all good from there.

So yeah, I don't see what the big deal is.

 

[zekko]

It's a way of showing a little courtesy - like calling your mom on Mother's day.

Lol, right. You should call your mother because you want to, not because it's Mother's Day. That's just social conditioning. You're just feeding into her sense of entitlemnt! She EXPECTS you to call her on Mother's Day. You can't let her get away with that! You think I'm going to spend money for long distance on a woman?! Make the b!tch call you! Look what feminism has done to this country.

Seriously, I think every girlfriend I've ever had has gotten me something nice on Valentine's Day. I don't mean just a card either. The least I can do is reciprocate. Lol at the macho "real men won't buy a card" attitude PUAs like to spread around.

But, just to show that I'm not a slave to social conditioning, I refuse to celebrate New Year's. Stupid holiday, just another day as far as I'm concerned. Alcoholics call it amateur night. My girlfriend sometimes gets aggravated with me because I just don't give a crap about it.

 

[Poonani Maker]

That's why I want a woman with No girlfriends, a Slave. It should be none of ANYbody's fvcking business what I fvckin do with my gf, wife, whatever. A dude says sh!t about me behind my back to My girlfriend, I'm fvckin him up. A woman, I'm lightin her up too. I get Soooooo sick of people getting into MY business. I've had guys who knew me a long time ago when I was struggling, talk to a girl I'm with behind my back about how I used to live in this small no-furniture, low-income apartment, and just bring up my past with them big-as5 gossipers, these are dudes that I Thought were my friends, I mean, went on fvcking camping trips together, hiking etc. Total backstabbers just cause they're the gossiping type who hold themselves to be so perfect, so "Elite." Or they could REally be ThinKing they're "looking out" for the girl we both know. I highly doubt it, they're just gossipers, it's a trait handed down from their parents, it's a non-forgiving trait, yet they themselves will hold themselves up to be pious or Christians (did not Jesus say, "Forgive" the one who's done you wrong "7 times 77 times?"). I've since distanced and cut off myself from extreme gossipers like that, they may never know Why I vanished, but I'll give an excuse to a friend of a friend. and then another bogus excuse to another friend of a friend, I don't give the Real reason because they're a bunch of fvckin weasel-as5 gossipers, (it's at work too guys, I try soooo hard NOT to talk behind other peoples' backs while at work, I usually try to say nothing but Good about someone who's being gossiped about when it's my turn to speak (or people look at me simultaneously for my take on so-in-so) in the group, a person could have been fired for stealing 50 grand and I'll still not bad-mouth him while he's not there (IF I'd always liked him) because people make mistakes but they're still just human and if they display any semblance of character I'll remember the good).

Anyway, I've notice the day after Valentine's, the 15th, that WOMEN were soooo in cheery moods, AND they'd been The Most open to me as if I was some New guy, new branch...after all, I's there while their boyfriend, the guy who's been smothering her with all these gifts that one day before, is not there. So I noticed terribly that the day after, the 15th, almost ALL women were soooo Open to me, and as such, as I took it, they seemed Very willing and able to grasp onto my branch after that previous day of goo-goo- gah-gah smothering by their fixed or temporary SO. The day after Val's, the 15th, I felt a mega Increase in women's attention on me, the New guy she'd crossed paths with. 2 of them are now new plates, haven't fvcked yet, but I'm starting up my social life again after hibernation most of this winter.

 

[goodfoot]

I saw a couple articles that the day after Valentine's Day was when women were most likely to cheat and divorce.

 

[lifeislearning]

Valentine's day wasn't totally without thought. I sacrificed hours I dearly needed for a project to spend time with her, and didn't sleep so I could finish. Because it's not a tangible item to be photographed and posted, most women could give a sh!t.

She's not selfish or evil, or perfect or an angel, and neither am I. Unfortunately many of the things I find to be hollow, meaningless gestures are the most highly prized on that holiday.

And unfortunately many of her friends with hollow, meaningless relationships got a boat load of that nonsense, rather than someone who expresses affection through actions throughout the rest of the year.

It's not 100% the unselfishness trap, my stubbornness, or the influence of sh!tty friends, but a perfect storm of them all and more. Things were a weird for a couple days (or so I thought, may have been looking for it), though they seem to be back to normal. Time will tell.

Next year I'll either find a girl who detests the holiday as much as I do, or buy a d*mn card.

 

[vatoloco]

Next year I'll either find a girl who detests the holiday as much as I do, or buy a d*mn card.

Next time, set the appropriate boundaries before you get into a relationship. Let her know that you "don't do Valentine's Day". She either walks or she stays [because her IL is higher in you than in Valentine's Day.]

 

[GotED?]

I disagree with those hardcore about displaying your 'manliness and manhood' by ignoring Valentine's Day.

Most women by nature are sensitive creatures - and vastly ROMANTIC. As some have said, it is not a 'being AFC' or not by giving something nice or doing a nice gesture to your woman on Valentine's Day.

Being romantic is just that - women have insatiable appetite for it. Sometimes, if you are in a LTR, man-UP and be a bit romantic. Because if you do love your woman, you need to satisfy her needs (even if you can't admit to it maintaining alphaness).

As much as you maintain her sexual needs, romantic need is also as such during special times in life (as V-Day for them).

I am personally not afraid to show my affection during V-Day, though I maintain my frame still during the relationship. I just make sure she KNOWS I am gettin' her something or doing something special, and she would better be doing the same thing in return. That would be appropriate and I have enjoyed mutual giving and receiving in that respect.

Exodus

 

[SecondHalf]

Vday is a great thing.

Don't buy roses (unless a couple from a grocery store that you'll use for the peddles to lead her to the bed).

Get a card and write some things in it.
Get some slinky red lacy stuff that is more a gift for you than her.

Then have fun!

SH