Royal Elite
Banned
bump
"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.
Fear
- Thread starter Krassus
- Start date
"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
Basketba1100
Don Juan
bump bump bump
dearsappho
Senior Don Juan
I'll promote that too...into the bible with this one.
"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
From a purely scientific standpoint, it is impossible NOT to have the ability to fight fear. All humans are born with it, although most barely ever make use of it. However, some people, such as yourself, may THINK that they don't have the ability. Of course, this isn't the case at all, and is entirely a figment of their imagination. The belief simply isn't real and exists in your head and in your head alone. It will survive for as long as you allow it to, or die the moment you tell it to. You have absolute control over it and everything else in your mind. And how do you control your mind? With willpower. Willpower is a tool that is always at your disposal, and you may use it whenever you choose to. Og Mandino once said that strong men control their thoughts with their actions. What he meant is that in order to conquer fear, you must use your willpower to FORCE yourself to DO whatever it is you're afraid of. Once you PHYSICALLY do it, the mind will yield in a fraction of a second. This is why people who are in the early stages of getting over the fear of approaching are always instructed to simply FORCE themselves to walk in the girl's direction. That's how i started out. I saw a girl and used all my willpower to make my legs walk towards her. Once i was in front of her, i HAD to say SOMETHING! It was less embarassing than to say something, ANYTHING, than nothing at all, so that was easy. I can't believe that this is the way i used to be. Right now, i can do absolutely anything in public and genuinely not care. Whenever i see a girl i want who's with a guy, i literally stop both of them and ask the girl if they're together. If not, i go for her right then and there. That took many months and hundreds of approaches, but i can now do stuff like that without a shred of fear.
Krassus, what is your take on things like pain and difficulty?
Is their power to stop a man merely based on his fear of them, which must be overcome by facing it through sheer willpower?
Or could it be more complex, since they seem to have more to do with the thing itself than how someone feels about it, and therefore don't always go hand in hand with fear.
Not to mention there are people (who aren't necessarily S/M practicioners) who actively seek painful and difficult things out.
Is their power to stop a man merely based on his fear of them, which must be overcome by facing it through sheer willpower?
Or could it be more complex, since they seem to have more to do with the thing itself than how someone feels about it, and therefore don't always go hand in hand with fear.
Not to mention there are people (who aren't necessarily S/M practicioners) who actively seek painful and difficult things out.
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I think I'm starting to see why so few make it in this and other journeys - they never make it far enough to not need to force themselves.
The joy they should feel from becoming better men is tainted by the pain, fear, and difficulty of the necessary steps - they begin to lose either their faith or their appetite for progress and give up.
Perhaps their immunity to fear, their appreciation of their ability to endure pain and difficulty, and their awareness of their progress, all don't build up fast enough?
Fear of facing and fighting fear ... another damn feedback loop
Fear begets fear and meekness begets meekness ... truly it does require a superhuman will to break such a cycle.
I mean, here I am scaring myself!
The joy they should feel from becoming better men is tainted by the pain, fear, and difficulty of the necessary steps - they begin to lose either their faith or their appetite for progress and give up.
Perhaps their immunity to fear, their appreciation of their ability to endure pain and difficulty, and their awareness of their progress, all don't build up fast enough?
Fear of facing and fighting fear ... another damn feedback loop
Fear begets fear and meekness begets meekness ... truly it does require a superhuman will to break such a cycle.
I mean, here I am scaring myself!
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"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
Royal Elite
Banned
Exactly!
I was riding the bus the other day and observing everybody and it dawned on me that the people I was observing could have been thinking about anything. The guy I was watching as he was simply looking out the front of the bus, seemed to simply be watching to see where he was going. But it hit me in his mind he could have been thinking about the girl that dissed him two years ago, or the power puff cartoon series, or the guy at his job he hates. The more I look at people I realized they could be thinking of one of a million things, but to the untrained eye all they seem to be doing was sitting down riding the bus.
What I got from this was the fact that a lot of us think to death or over analyze things as if people know, or even care about what we think, when in actuality all they see us doing is whatever we are "doing". Your brain is your temple therefore you can use it to so whatever you want. If walking down the street all day thinking "I am god's gift to women" will help you act so be it, no one will call you a arrogent a-hole unless you express what you are thinking. If you walk down the block thinking little to nothing at all no one will care.
All people care about is what you do, what they see with their eyes, therefore constantly overanalazing things is pointless, since the person you are interecting with is probably so far into their own head with their own problems.
This is where that person who seems to move fearlessly is so respected because everyone knows what is going through their own head and for this person to move like he doesn't have a care or insecurity in the world is almost everyones greastest aspiration.
I mean most women have no idea that most guys have all the insecurites running through their head as you see on this board.
dearsappho
Senior Don Juan
The last post on this thread made me wonder if one can really, ultimately switch of the internal voice?
Over analysing is akin to an hypnotic trance whereby the outside world is shut out leaving thoughts as the only sensual reference.
Similarly, infatuation makes use of this trance like state. We meet a woman and begin to imagine in our minds eye what she is/will be like, before we have experienced her.
It would appear, then that the internal voice has much to answer for. Is it therefore wise or even possible to shut this off?
Over analysing is akin to an hypnotic trance whereby the outside world is shut out leaving thoughts as the only sensual reference.
Similarly, infatuation makes use of this trance like state. We meet a woman and begin to imagine in our minds eye what she is/will be like, before we have experienced her.
It would appear, then that the internal voice has much to answer for. Is it therefore wise or even possible to shut this off?
Royal Elite
Banned
Too much sun can kill plants, too little sun can kill plants.
I think you have to find the balance. Internally thinking at its balance is called introspection which is good, too much of it is called self-consciouness-not good, too little of it is called you are an a-hole.
It's all about knowing when to shut it off (or not pay it too much attention), and when to use it.
It is very difficult to shut down the internal monologues, dialogues, and fantasies; I know because I've tried.
On good days, I can shut it all down for a few seconds, and the words and images will stay off for a while (unless I fvck up), but I can't stop the classical music.
It's like every desire and appetite, every will and ambition, every part of you that's not free to act in the real world, for whatever reaon (though usually due either to fear or impracticality) is forced to express itself in the simulated world inside your brain.
Psychology often refers to sublimation, which seems like a step above this, where the inner desires and will do get out, but only as fuel for something else that you're doing.
Stop breathing ... that always shuts down the internal babbling.
On good days, I can shut it all down for a few seconds, and the words and images will stay off for a while (unless I fvck up), but I can't stop the classical music.
It's like every desire and appetite, every will and ambition, every part of you that's not free to act in the real world, for whatever reaon (though usually due either to fear or impracticality) is forced to express itself in the simulated world inside your brain.
Psychology often refers to sublimation, which seems like a step above this, where the inner desires and will do get out, but only as fuel for something else that you're doing.
Stop breathing ... that always shuts down the internal babbling.
"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.
Royal Elite
Banned
Yes but you can control what you are thinking about. You thoughts are your slave, the problem is too many of us have nothing else to focus on. Internal babbling isnt really negative if you "utilize" right. Find something bigger then women to focus on. Right now my entire focus is on music and getting my album out, so I can't waste to much energy focusing on women. I use my mind to help me in life instead of having me confuses. Also what helps is too actually answer some of the questions you mind has, and you can do that however you want. But the key is too answer those questions in a way to better yourself.
Women aren't the problem; after reading (and thinking) so much, I feel I understand how they work and know what I need to do to handle them.
Building a great body isn't the problem: I probably already know everything I would need to know about building muscle and increasing strength.
Hell, even being the best student in my school isn't the problem: I know what and how to do everything I would need to do to accomplish that.
Like Krassus said, my problem is actually getting off my ass and doing it.
You know, those first couple weeks and months of doing something, anything, where you're just investing and investing in what you're doing with no return, where results aren't certain, where it's more of a chore than anything else.
Or the period of adjustment before it becomes a part of you, when it's all still forced and alien and because of that you hate every minute of it to the point where the good that will come from it actually doesn't count for much to you.
That's the part of life that I have difficulty handling without some big external pressure or obligation, without stakes, something that doesn't seem to exist in this or any other case.
My life could handle A LOT of improvement ... but to be perfectly honest, from a practical perspective, it doesn't NEED improvement, hence I have no motivation, no incentive to do what it takes to improve it.
Sex, muscles, and academic perfection are all expensive luxuries from my point of view - I don't need them and I'm not prepared to pay through the nose for them.
Building a great body isn't the problem: I probably already know everything I would need to know about building muscle and increasing strength.
Hell, even being the best student in my school isn't the problem: I know what and how to do everything I would need to do to accomplish that.
Like Krassus said, my problem is actually getting off my ass and doing it.
You know, those first couple weeks and months of doing something, anything, where you're just investing and investing in what you're doing with no return, where results aren't certain, where it's more of a chore than anything else.
Or the period of adjustment before it becomes a part of you, when it's all still forced and alien and because of that you hate every minute of it to the point where the good that will come from it actually doesn't count for much to you.
That's the part of life that I have difficulty handling without some big external pressure or obligation, without stakes, something that doesn't seem to exist in this or any other case.
My life could handle A LOT of improvement ... but to be perfectly honest, from a practical perspective, it doesn't NEED improvement, hence I have no motivation, no incentive to do what it takes to improve it.
Sex, muscles, and academic perfection are all expensive luxuries from my point of view - I don't need them and I'm not prepared to pay through the nose for them.
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I-am-someone
Senior Don Juan
I know how you feel Virtu. It's hard to actually get on in life when you've got no motivational drive behind everything. Let me just state this quite simply: You need to have a drive in your life. Some people choose women, some people choose art, some people choose music, some people choose to make chairs.
Until you have decided what you want to drive you, you will have no motivation. Once you do, you will. Sound weird? No, it makes perfect sense.
If you have a passion in your life, everything else will seem worthwhile because of that passion. You cannot know the extent to which this reaches until you have seen the contrast between yourself without a passion and yourself with a passion.
If there is anything worthwhile in life to do, it is to find a passion, something to put your mind to, to put effort in. Krassus made his passion improving himself. Great wisdom and great strength came from that. I am personally still leaning between several passions, but they are slowly crystallizing into Designing. I don't care about women nearly as much as I care about designing, which has been giving me success with women as of late.
Find your passion! Or make it your passion to find your passion, until you've found it!
Until you have decided what you want to drive you, you will have no motivation. Once you do, you will. Sound weird? No, it makes perfect sense.
If you have a passion in your life, everything else will seem worthwhile because of that passion. You cannot know the extent to which this reaches until you have seen the contrast between yourself without a passion and yourself with a passion.
If there is anything worthwhile in life to do, it is to find a passion, something to put your mind to, to put effort in. Krassus made his passion improving himself. Great wisdom and great strength came from that. I am personally still leaning between several passions, but they are slowly crystallizing into Designing. I don't care about women nearly as much as I care about designing, which has been giving me success with women as of late.
Find your passion! Or make it your passion to find your passion, until you've found it!
Royal Elite
Banned
This is the same thoughts I was going to express. you need to find one thing or a goal to focus on. Make it something you are passionate about. What do you want to do with your life? What is that one thing in life that you really, really, want to acomplish before you die?
I think there are basically two type of people with variations of those two:
1. THe people who find out and accomplish the thing that gave their existence relevence.
2. The person who leaves her who doesnt' accomplish anything that made their existence relevent.
Once you can figure that thing out, and then become the person who pursues it everything else will fall into play. That is what passion is, its something or a goal that touches and reaches your soul. That thing that for your sanity sake you must accomplish, or try as best as you can. Passion is an energy force that any and everyone can feel, because it touches you on a deeper level then anything else.
jiza101
Master Don Juan
Im in a similar position to you.. I have let down HUNDREDS of oppurtunities to approach, i mean ive seen hot chicks on my tram like 3 times in a row at random times in 1 week,i wonder if god is telling me something, GIVING ME AN OPPURTUNITY TO APPROACH AND LET GO OF FEAR. TODAY IS THE DAY, im free, fear does not exsist.
"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.