fear

[_sideways_]

It is self imposed.

Even married women leave your life abruptly. If you dont want to live by that then you know what we call you.

Im just pissed that approach anxiety is a thing.

Thats made up.


The way to kill approaching and saying hello is to do it. Our kids should know this. Our brothers should live it. We not. Im sorry for those who confused life and enjoy.

 

[Mike32ct]

I'm gonna go off on a slight tangent here. I'm not quite sure that repeated exposure eliminates fear though. You get nervous about something, and you force yourself to do it, and you "suffer" through the anxiety as you force yourself to do it. But the next time, your brain follows the same "program" as before, and it associates anxiety with that activity. You are back to square one and have to "soldier" thorough it again and again.

I've been at my job for 12 years and STILL get quite nervous before meetings because my brain associates "meetings" with "anxiety." I've had a shyte load of exposure, and it hasn't helped. Plenty of guys NEVER lose their approach anxiety either.

No doubt that exposure is NECESSARY to get stuff done. But maybe we need to look into "reprogramming" our brains to LOOK at certain situations differently and not associate them with fear. Maybe try many, many affirmations., for example:

" I love approaching women and talking to them. It's so fun and the most natural thing in the world."

Or

"I love going to meetings and resolving work issues. I look forward to offering useful input to my boss and coworkers"


Or whatever. But somehow we have to sever the mental "link" between "Activity xyz" and "fear/anxiety." I'm not sure that exposure alone will automatically do that. At worst, it may strengthen that negative association.

 

[dk1990S111]

Totally agree, it does piss me off that it is a thing and that not every guy knows to just say fvck it. It pisses me off that women seem to enjoy cutting men down so much that a lot of guys have this fear.

I had this problem up until a few weeks ago but after realizing that we only have this one life (my belief, maybe not yours) we need to enjoy it and not be afraid of approaching. If a girl wants to cut you down, just laugh it off. If you have your sh1t together, like you should based on the fact that you have access to all the info on this forum, then it really is her loss.

 

[Huffman]

Great train of thought Mike. I'm thinking along similar lines these days. Have you had success "reprogramming" so far, with stuff like positive reinforcement?

No matter how bad the encounter, I will always pick one particular thing that I did well, praise myself for it, resolve to do it more in the future, and imagine how well things would have gone. Hope I can make a lasting change like that.

"Soldiering" just doesn't do it anymore for me. I've gotten way too proud to make myself suffer needlessly.

 

[Mike32ct]

Great train of thought Mike. I'm thinking along similar lines these days. Have you had success "reprogramming" so far, with stuff like positive reinforcement?

I did use affirmations for a while in my early days of the game, about ten years ago. I did honestly see positive results and more confidence/less anxiety at the time. Unfortunately, I got lazy and stopped using them and totally forgot about affirmations for the longest time (ie years).

In my post today, I was sharing some thoughts that hit me today. I'm drafting a new affirmation list as we speak to get back on that. So I have no current results to share right now.

No matter how bad the encounter, I will always pick one particular thing that I did well, praise myself for it, resolve to do it more in the future, and imagine how well things would have gone. Hope I can make a lasting change like that.

"Soldiering" just doesn't do it anymore for me. I've gotten way too proud to make myself suffer needlessly.

Yeah that's been my problem with "soldiering" in many areas of life. I "get through it" with anxiety only to repeat the "suffering" next time. Even if I do better at the task, the emotional drain and negative thought patterns during the task stay about the same. They don't lessen with exposure. That's why I'm going to try a new approach to this problem.

Ignore my "thumbs down." I hit it by accident lol. This is actually intended to be a positive post.

 

[blind_one]

I firmly believe that affirmations do work and you are able to reprogram youself if dedicated to it. Reading Joseph Murphy's Power of the subconcious mind only reinforced that.

The principle is that the mind is ''divine'' and by using is conscious part you can and will affect the subconscious.