Fear no.1 - awkwardness

[Huffman]

You know, I've been thinking about taking risks. I am not taking enough risks. I am dating (and f*cking) below my standards.

Today I saw a cutie on the bus. I caught her looking at me but instinctively looked away. I forced myself to look at her again but soon I turned away again, I just couldn't. Later I reflected on this - I had wanted to look at her, smile, see her smile back. But why couldn't I? I was afraid of a risk. Risk of failure? Death? No. She would just have looked away and that's it.

The true risk was: Success and then awkwardness. It was on the bus, I had no idea on what to do after that. I thought "ok, then if she smiles back I can approach her and should". But how? Usually I wouldn't on the bus aaaahhh chrrrrr mind freeze disengage, disengage!!!

You see, the possible awkwardness at Step 2 kept me from even doing an absolutely safe Step 1 (smiling). I must stop this fear from paralyzing me!

Tomorrow I'm going bouldering, there's lots of hotties there, some in groups some alone. I do OK - I have a couple of situational openers just to get the ball rolling, but still - I fear that she will accept (they usually do) and then we run out of convo and I can't do anything.

This has happened before and now I fear - awkwardness. This is the thing that's keepig me from doing batsh*t crazy stuff! Imagine yourself grabbing and cavemanning a girl, super awesome. What's the worst thing that could happen? She could call the police, but more realistically she'll fight a bit and then you let her go and it's bloody awkward.

How can I nullify awkwardness - or the fear of it? This is keeping me from getting to the next level.

 

[Genos]

I've felt the exact same thing Huffman. Even to such an extent that I would feel very real fear when a girl showed interest in me, because I was worried about potential awkwardness on the date, that I'd do poorly, and that her opinion of me would become bad. It's pretty crippling stuff, and I understand where you're coming from.

How do you move past this? Two things:
1. Realize that every experience is a learning experience. Whether it ends well, or ends poorly, you got some information on what worked and what didn't. And that should be your goal, to learn. Don't be afraid to fail. Read this post by Pook (it was extremely helpful for me), as well as his follow-ups postings: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/index.php?threads/let-yourself-fail.20106/

2. Realize that you've got one life to live. Feel the fire of time burning under your ass! Whether you succeed or fail is something you can look back on later, but seizing the moments that are presented to you is THE ONLY thing you can do. Do not let chances to learn (remember, this is the mentality with which you should be approaching women) pass you by.

You can't nullify awkwardness, it could always be present. And in fact, awkwardness is the indicator that there was something you might've been able to improve on - you should welcome it as feedback. And as you get more skilled, even when those 'awkward' situations arise, you'll be able to manage them better, even to point at which they cease to be awkward situations at all.

 

[Huffman]

Thanks. In analysis this sounds reasonably (and of course I've read all Pook posts long time ago). Now, to actually remember it when I'm in the situation...

Once you start thinking you're getting good at this, you stop having a learner mindset. Suddenly you expect to ace every encounter, creating a fear of failure that you wouldn't have as a learner.

You're right. Best to stay humble and have fun learning - than be arrogant and angry at setbacks.
Why else would we do this, if not for happiness?

 

[Tictac]

If you don't do stuff like this with men, why do you do it with women?

Irrational.

 

[l_e_g_e_n_d]

YOU are a product of your consistent actions. To all other actions in which you are not consistent, you will be awkward.

How to Quash Awkwardness

1. Grab a piece of paper. Make this piece of paper your BOSS.
   
2. Write down the action you WILL undertake on a daily basis. If it is cold approach, write "I will cold approach one girl per day."
3. Do not set the goal too high (i.e. I will cold approach 20 girls per day), as you will renege on your "agreement" with your boss.
   
4. Day-by-day, your awkwardness will dissipate. After 30 days, your action will be internalized.
5. NEVER default on your boss.

Here is the key to success in any pursuit. Simple, huh. Have fun.