Fcuk this damn message bank!

[evolvingnerd]

ffs i've been emssing around with my message bank for ages now, and i still can't come up with anyhitn that soudns moderatley good

i perfected my tone and all when i said the message, but now thati listen to it, it sounds childlessly ghey

what do you guys use on ur message bank thing?

 

[Lost In Translation]

i don't use message bank.

my friend had message bank and for his message he had :

in a funny wog boy voice :

i am not here, i am at the gym working on my beautiful adonis body and getting lubed like a monaro so just leave me a fullsick message and i will get back to you when i finish my workout

or something along those lines, it was very funny.

you can buy funny answering machine messages from Tandy or **** Smiths, you can also download them off the internet.

maybe if you cannot sound suave try a comedy message ?


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**AUSTRALIAN STREET PIMP**

 

[evolvingnerd]

ahahaha
i coudl also imagein that message in an arnie voice

you wouldn't happen to know where i can download some of these would u?

cheers

 

[Lost In Translation]

you lazy bastard ! do a search on google !

i bought a tape version with about 12 different comedy messages from Tandy's here in Australia maybe 7 years ago.

the best one was Clint Eastwood as Dirty Harry :

" There is no one here my smith wesson and me *gun barrel spin noise , hammer ***** i bet your dying to hang up and not leave a message.... go ahead... make my day "

that was one of the from memory

there was elvis , arnie etc etc. cost me about $10.



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[Lost In Translation]

pft !

you lazy bastard

http://www.google.com.au/search?hl=en&ie=UTF-8&q=funny+comedy+answering+machine+messages&meta=


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[Lost In Translation]

ok here are a few :

starting with your dream message

[imitating Arnold Schwarzenegger]
Gutten day to you. Here I'm being on ze set of mein latest moofie. Eet's the latest moofie in mein strings of mega-hits. First zere was za Terminator, zen zere was za Predator...zis one's called za Laminator. Eet's about zis handyman on a mission. Eet's drama. Very funny stuff. You'll chust luff it. I know you vill. Leaf a messich after za beep. Don't say you can't. Ve haf vays off making you talk, you know. BEEP.


"You have reached the , Strategic Air Command Nuclear Missle Storage Facility. We are unable to come to the phone right now. At the tone, please leave you name, number and target or list of targets and we'll launch as soon as we can. And have a nice day."


The President is not in his office at this time. Please leave your name, phone number, the name of the country you wish to invade, and the secret password


In Japan, the hand can be used like a knife. (sound effect: Heeeeee-YAH!, smashing box of Kleenex) But this method doesn't work with a telephone call... (sound effect: dial tone). Introducing the all-new GINSU answering machine! It cuts, it chops,it slices, it dices your incoming calls! How much would you pay? Don't answer, because if you leave your name and number when you hear the tone, we'll throw in a return phone call ABSOLUTELY FREE!


Thanks for calling Dial-A-Shrink. I can't come to the phone right now, so after the tone, please leave your name and number, then talk briefly about your childhood and tell me what comes to mind when you hear the following words: orange... mother... unicorn... . I'll get back to you with my diagnosis as soon as possible.


VOICE 1: Answer the phone, please, Hal. VOICE 2: I'm sorry, Dave, I can't do that.


I can't come to the phone now because I have amnesia and I feel stupid talking to people I don't remember. I'd appreciate it if you could help me out by leaving my name and telling me something about myself. Thanks.


This is not an answering machine -- this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call.


"You have reached the CPX-2000 Voice Blackmail System. Your voice patterns are now being digitally encoded and stored for later use. Once this is done, our computers will be able to use the sound of _your_ voice for literally thousands of illegal and immoral purposes. There is no charge for this initial consultation, however our staff of professional extortionists will be contacting you in the near future to further explain the benefits of our service, and to arrange for your schedule of payment. Remember to speak clearly at the sound of the tone. Thank you." (BEEEEEEEEEEEP)




Lost In Translation

 

[Lost In Translation]

**************************
"I'm Morley Safer."
"I'm Harry Reasoner."
"I'm ........
"And I'm" -the guy whose answering machine it was-
"We're not home; leave a message."

He had taped the audio of the beginning of 60 minutes; it sounded very funny.
**********************


(Rod Serling imitation You're dazed, bewildered, trapped in a world without time, where sound collides with color and shadows explode. You see a signpost up ahead -- this is no ordinary telephone answering device... You have reached, "The Twilight Phone".


************************
(woman taped off a "phone sex" service)

WOMAN : (seductively) Hi. I'm Linda. You know, it can be really lonely when you're a fashion model. Sometimes I just have to ...
YOU : (interupting) Oh cmon, Linda, give me the damn phone.. (then ask for a message)
***************************

(Very fast Hi, this is 904-4344. If you want to leave a message, please wait for the tone. If you want to leave your name and number, please press pound, press 3, then dial your name, then press 6 and dial your number. If you want to leave your name and just a message, press star, press 6, ask for extension 4443, then leave your name and message. If you want to leave your number and the time you called, please press star twice, spin in a circle, press 1 twice, talk loud and BEEP

AAAAAA AAAhH yes that feels good. Yes just like that baby. Could you hold up a minute the phone is ringing. What do you want I'm busy right now and I'll probably be busy for the rest of my life so don't plan on me returning this call. Now back to my very soothing relaxing message. AAAAHH YES BABY JUST LIKE THAT>>>> A LITTLE HARDER.

As the drugs take hold, you feel you are losing your grip on reality. You begin to hallucinate. You see a telephone... The telephone is next to an answering machine... You hear a faint click and a light flashes on the answering machine... You hear a beep...

Bullwinkle: Hey, Rocky, somebody called while we weren't home. Watch me pull their message out of this machine!
Rocky: Again?
Bullwinkle: Nuthin' up my sleeve... PRESTO! (Sound of vicious dog barking, stops abruptly.)
Bullwinkle: Must have been a wrong number.
Rocky: Here's a chance for you to REALLY leave your message.

City Morgue, you kill 'em, we chill 'em; You stab 'em, we slab 'em!

FOXTROT-LIMA-ALPHA-SIERRA-HOTEL. KEY-DESTRUCT-SEQUENCE-NOW. THIS-TERMINAL-ALSO-ACCEPTS-VOICE-MESSAGES......




***** i like this one :

hello you have reached (your number)... if you have multiple personality disorder please press 1,2,3 and 4. If you are obsessive compulsive, please press 5 repeatedly. If you are paranoid, please stay on the line, we know who you are and why you are calling. If you have low self esteem, hang up, because nobody wants to talk to you anyway. If you would like to leave a message, please do so after the beep.



Lost In Translation

 

[evolvingnerd]

hahahaha
take it easy m8
i found a mad one anyway
hello we're home right now screening ur calls
depending on who u are, we'll call u back

 

[Lost In Translation]

after all that you are going to settle for a plain old boring message ?

*sigh*

ok here is a CLASSIC prank call using the REAL arnie's voice

http://www.goofball.com/phone/20011161301

right click as select save as.

is a call to a womens shelter and they are playing arnies film clips

she falls for it too



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