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[ENIGMA16]

Just had this conversation. Going out to dinner tonight with this girl and had this convo with her on FB.

Her: hi
Me: hey
Her: whats shakin
Me: sittin arounddd
thought I had to take an exam but it's open until sunday so I"ll just do it sunday night B-)B-)
Her: lol
Me: [referring to going to dinner] probably going to leave in a bit because traffic is going to suck
Her: lol yeha
what else are you doing tonight [I've been telling her I have plans so I can't go out to drinks after dinner with her and her friends but never told her those plans.]
Me: This friend that I haven't seen in a few years is having a festivus party that I'm going to
Her: ooh cool
Me: It's gonna be fun, he's making a bunch of cider and will have some homebrewed beer and stuff
Her: coooool
Me: And I was going to ask if you wanted to come down and go with me but you're being lame in Delafield or wherever instead
Her: ..... i thought u were coming up here
Me: I'm coming up there for dinner
Her: o ok yeah in hartford... we wont be tere all night
Me: hartford that's it
i always get all of those cities mixed up
Her: lol
Me: well come down to milwaukee then if it's not going to be that late
Her: we'll see
Me: well this is the second time I'm driving out there, so now it's your turn
Her: you dont have to come
Me: Yeah but I've always wanted to go there
plus I haven't seen you in a while
So the pros kind of outweigh the cons
Her: aw yay ok
Me: you said 6:30, right?
I should prob leave soon
Her: yeah but prolly more like 7
Me: arite
ugh, I gotta get some stuff done first, ****
Her: lol ok
me too
Me: I have this stats paper that I have like 95% done, just have to write the intro and conclusion
seriously stats sucks, don't take it
Her: get on it
lol
Me: yep
cya in an hour or two

I think this is the first time she actually threw some tests at me to see where I'm at, because I've been pretty cold/distant to her in the past because of the distance/business issue (see my previous thread on this girl). And it took me a bit to come up with some good counters (i.e. when she said "you don't have to come if you don't want to" I wasn't sure if this translated into "I don't really care if you want to come" or "Show me that you still like me". I guessed the latter, so in my response I was basically trying to say "I like you and am really into you but I don't need you". Based on her response I think I was right.

The stats paper thing was a lie, too, just to end the convo because I didn't want to talk too much after that, and I think it was a pretty bad one. I'm usually better at coming up with something good to say but it just came out lame there.

BTW this isn't the only girl I'm working on, even though it's the only one I've been posting about. So please don't respond with "you're focusing on her too much" and stuff like that.

I'm pretty sure I passed all her tests and came out completely unscathed, but just thought I'd post it up to see if I could've said anything better.

Sheesh, I can offer amazing advice on this forum to other people I've noticed, but when it comes to my own game it's a lot harder to process it. I think it has to do with the fact that when I'm analyzing other people's situations my emotions have no bearing on it, whereas in my own situations my emotions come into play and affect my thinking. I need to work on that.

EDIT: BTW I'm planning on k-closing this girl tonight after dinner. Will post on how it goes as I guess I'm obligated to as I've posted pretty much my entire situation up to now with her.

 

[dude04]

Her: whats shakin
Me: sittin arounddd
thought I had to take an exam but it's open until sunday so I"ll just do it sunday night B-)B-)
Her: lol

this is where you blew it. you taking your exam at the last minute.

good luck next time.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Just had this conversation. Going out to dinner tonight with this girl and had this convo with her on FB.

Her: hi
Me: hey
Her: whats shakin
Me: sittin arounddd

bad; translates to I'm boring. Even if your doing nothing, LIE next time. Something more along the lines of "just got back from running some errands" is A LOT better than "sittin arounddd."

thought I had to take an exam but it's open until sunday so I"ll just do it sunday night B-)B-)

Again B-O-R-I-N-G!!! Try not to talk to girls your interested in about mundane things that you could talk to your mom about.

Her: lol
Me: [referring to going to dinner] probably going to leave in a bit because traffic is going to suck

I'm not trying to beat you up here, but bro, seriously this is such a boring conversation! This was your chance to get her excited; get her emotions running and most importantly get her primed to hook up with later tonight.

Her: lol yeha
what else are you doing tonight [I've been telling her I have plans so I can't go out to drinks after dinner with her and her friends but never told her those plans.]

I wouldn't have told her anything about your plans after. If she asked you if you wanted to join her and her friends after, you could've said something like "we'll see." That way if it was going really well you could keep the fun going and definitely hook up with her! Alcohol + good vibes = prime hook up opportunity. Also since she's pretty far away from you it makes more sense to go hang out with her after dinner since your already out there.

Me: This friend that I haven't seen in a few years is having a festivus party that I'm going to
Her: ooh cool
Me: It's gonna be fun, he's making a bunch of cider and will have some homebrewed beer and stuff
Her: coooool
Me: And I was going to ask if you wanted to come down and go with me but you're being lame in Delafield or wherever instead

Dude again bad move!! Your showing your cards waaaaaaaaaaay too early here. If your trying to show her you don't need her, then no need to invite her to this party after especially because you already know she has plans!!!

Her: ..... i thought u were coming up here
Me: I'm coming up there for dinner
Her: o ok yeah in hartford... we wont be tere all night
Me: hartford that's it
i always get all of those cities mixed up
Her: lol
Me: well come down to milwaukee then if it's not going to be that late
Her: we'll see

^^^^^ you should take some notes from her! Her answer is EXACTLY what you should have used earlier in the conversation. She's not completely sold on you yet, hence her answer.

Me: well this is the second time I'm driving out there, so now it's your turn
Her: you dont have to come

Wow! Dude she's basically saying here "if you cruise up you do, if you don't I really don't care!" BAD SIGN!!!

Me: Yeah but I've always wanted to go there
plus I haven't seen you in a while So the pros kind of outweigh the cons

Ugh.. this is just getting worse! "I really really really like you" badddd move!

Her: aw yay ok
Me: you said 6:30, right?
I should prob leave soon
Her: yeah but prolly more like 7
Me: arite
ugh, I gotta get some stuff done first, ****
Her: lol ok
me too
Me: I have this stats paper that I have like 95% done, just have to write the intro and conclusion
seriously stats sucks, don't take it

As i said earlier; stop talking to her about your fake stats paper! Not helping your cause at all!

Her: get on it
lol
Me: yep
cya in an hour or two

I think this is the first time she actually threw some tests at me to see where I'm at, because I've been pretty cold/distant to her in the past because of the distance/business issue (see my previous thread on this girl). And it took me a bit to come up with some good counters (i.e. when she said "you don't have to come if you don't want to" I wasn't sure if this translated into "I don't really care if you want to come" or "Show me that you still like me". I guessed the latter, so in my response I was basically trying to say "I like you and am really into you but I don't need you". Based on her response I think I was right.

You read it wrong here; this chick has low-medium interest in you at best. Although its not too late to turn it around and get her on your nutzzz..

The stats paper thing was a lie, too, just to end the convo because I didn't want to talk too much after that, and I think it was a pretty bad one. I'm usually better at coming up with something good to say but it just came out lame there.

You said it yourself here; you need to come up with better things to say here. Again i would've started priming her for tonight. Telling her that she better look hot or tease her and tell her not to try to make a move on you etc...


BTW this isn't the only girl I'm working on, even though it's the only one I've been posting about. So please don't respond with "you're focusing on her too much" and stuff like that.

Your not focusing on her too much; but your game with her is weak at best.

I'm pretty sure I passed all her tests and came out completely unscathed, but just thought I'd post it up to see if I could've said anything better.

Better think again on that... although you still have a chance.

Sheesh, I can offer amazing advice on this forum to other people I've noticed, but when it comes to my own game it's a lot harder to process it. I think it has to do with the fact that when I'm analyzing other people's situations my emotions have no bearing on it, whereas in my own situations my emotions come into play and affect my thinking. I need to work on that.

EDIT: BTW I'm planning on k-closing this girl tonight after dinner. Will post on how it goes as I guess I'm obligated to as I've posted pretty much my entire situation up to now with her.


Well your probably at dinner right now; so hopefully you can get her laughing and get some alcohol in her. Get her excited and then close...

PIMP

 

[ENIGMA16]

Yeah I failed. Super down about this, because I totally ****ed up without even realizing it and just got humbled as **** from this experience. Will tell the story later. Going NC with this girl because she probably doesn't have any interest in me anymore and I really need to sort my ****.

Pimp, you were probably right about most of that and what you said is a real eye opener because I thought I had what she was saying down pretty much exactly. From how tonight went I can pretty much say that you're right.

I'm going to go out and party now. :rockon:

 

[ENIGMA16]

Well I'm kind of drunk right now; I went out and had a good time anyways, and I'm in a good mood so I'm not really going to get into the details because that will just bring me down.

But anyways, Pimp-Sicle, while you made some points I disagree with, I think you made a lot of valid ones and that I'm really going to take them into consideration and I really appreciate it.

Basically my whole life I've dealt with perfectionism issues. Everything I do has to be perfect otherwise I beat myself up over it. And basically what this amounts to is that I have to be right all the time. So in my head I always have both this false sense of confidence and this absolutely insane fear of being wrong. So when stuff like this happens to me (like it did tonight) it really ****s with my head super hardcore. Which is why I don't really want to think about it right now. And yes this is probably the biggest issue I've had and I'm going to counselling right now to work on it, and it's helped in some areas but hasn't helped with changing my overall mindset yet, which will take a lot of work and a lot of time.

Anyways, basically I was thrown off balance in this whole experience by two things:

1. I was going out to a place with a bunch of people I didn't know that I've never been to before.
2. This girl initially when I got there threw absolutely zero IOI's at me.

So before I was into self-improvement I was a pretty quiet guy and kind of just went with the flow (i.e. I was a follower). And tonight I kind of got so overwhelmed that I resorted back to that mindset (somewhat, but not completely). Which was caused by my first point above.

My second point kept me from making any move. This was of course coupled with the fact that I wasn't really able to make physical contact because I wasn't even able to sit next to her at the table. So all of these facts basically compounded into me giving up and having a good time.

Also, I did try breaking out of that mindset, but it never worked. There was someone at our table that was just super talkative, and because they all knew each other I wasn't able to really participate in the conversation. Also, any attempts at leading the conversation by me didn't really work (and I did try numerous times), mostly because this guy would just take over because he knew everyone and was comfortable there. I was able to get a bunch of funny jokes in and lead it when it came to banter, which was good, but this obviously didn't happen the whole night.

I can't even type up a decent description of what happened because reading what I wrote above it sounds like she completely blew me off and/or didn't want me to be there, which totally wasn't the case.

So because she sent me almost no IOI's the whole night and because I felt pretty much over my head I kind of just gave up. Towards the end of the night, though, like right before we all left (we left the restaurant but I didn't leave with them) she was sending mad IOI's, like twirling her hair and initiating kino and stuff (to which I obviously responded). So I'm completely confused about that. Honestly, I've got a really good bs detector, and about 99% of the time can tell when a girl is bullsh*tting me and when she's being real. And I can also tell when a girl just wants attention or if she's actually into me, and all of the vibes I was getting from her towards the end of the night seemed legit. Which is why this girl threw me off so much. Because she's sent me so many IOI's in the past that when I met her and she was cold it just confused the hell out of me and I didn't know how to deal with it.

Anyways, this is probably super long because when I get drunk I don't know when to stop ranting haha. The point is that while I don't think this girl is completely uninterested in me, I do think that my chances have diminished significantly because of tonight. As I said earlier, I'm going to do NC for a while because I really don't need to be talking to her and because I need to get this sorted and figure out where to go from here. Needless to say, next time I see her (if I indeed want to again) it's going to be in my city with my friends on my turf so that I don't go through what I went through earlier tonight. I'm just not ready to handle that kind of situation yet. It would have just been better to tell her I couldn't come because it would've prevented all of this. My false sense of confidence led me into this trap, and it's a very important lesson that I need to get that sh*t in check if I'm going to succeed in life.

I'm also going to focus on the two other girls I'm working on right now, because I think that I did develop a bit of oneitis for this girl which affected my thoughts (the other girls I'm into right now aren't really relationship material so I don't really care about them like I do about her, who I do deem relationship worthy). I'm also going to go out and get some more numbers and basically go nuts because I can't handle failures of this magnitude anymore.

Actually IDK if NC is the way to go or if I should just be more direct right away. You can look at my past handlings of this girl and I think I handled her super well up until tonight. I think (I hope) that she didn't let tonight sway her entire opinion of me as a person, because in the past I was super direct and very open and played the leading role. But then again that's girls; they act on emotion, and emotions don't consider the past.

God I feel like such an idiot writing advice for people on this site when I can't even handle a situation like this.

But afterwards I went and drank a ton of absinthe and homemade beer and had a really f*cking good night, so now I'm happy even though that part of my night sucked. I should've just got wasted and made an ass out of myself because that's so much more fun.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

I thought you were going to dinner alone with her??? A date??!

And as much as it pains you to re-count the night; you need to tell us what happened exactly if you want to get some good feedback.


PM me if you don't want to post it here.




PIMP